


Here I Am

by Starkurt



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Denial of Feelings, Established Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Eventual Smut, Everyone Goes To Therapy, Feelings Realization, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 66,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24561070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starkurt/pseuds/Starkurt
Summary: As the clock strikes midnight on your eighteenth birthday, your "tether" officially becomes available to your true soulmate-- whether it be platonic, familial, or romantic. You are then linked not only by fate, but through a unique telepathic ability. Most have grown to simply appreciate the connection, while others dread the reality of their spiritual destiny-- others like Kurt.
Relationships: David Karofsky & Santana Lopez & Sebastian Smythe, Finn Hudson & Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel/David Karofsky
Comments: 156
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This follows canon, starting at roughly Yes/No (3x10). Anything spoken telepathically will be in bold italic, for future reference.

Kurt rubbed at his eyes, the bright light from his laptop burning dots into his vision as his eyelids fought exhaustion. He stared back at the cursor, blinking almost menacingly at the end of his last sentence, which for all he knew could simply be a jumbled mess of nonsense. He hadn’t meant to leave his midterm to the last minute, but with all of the current drama going on both in and out of school, it had completely gone over his head until about fourth period earlier today.

Outside, the weather continued to be just as gloomy as Kurt felt. He’d grown up with the usual winters, but as the brutal cold fronts blew in year after year, he could never quite be prepared for them. He could still feel the uncomfortable dampness creeping up from the bottom of his jeans, despite having been home and showered for hours now.

Glancing down at the time, he groaned-- 11:57. If he continued working at his current snail’s pace, he wouldn’t be done for another couple of hours. Sucking in a breath, he forced himself to sit a little straighter, and pulled back up his browser, which was completely overloaded with various research tabs. He stretched his fingers, then began scanning through the sites, trying to close what he no longer needed.

His cursor stalled over the final tab’s “x” as he looked through the page briefly. Right as he was about to close it, something clicked in the back of his mind. Kurt physically felt it, almost as if someone had reached into his head to flick a switch on. Turning to look over his shoulder, he expected someone to be behind him, almost certain he could feel eyes staring at the back of his head. His door had seemingly remained closed, however, which drew an eerie chill through Kurt’s spine.

Chalking it up to his lack of sleep, Kurt shook the fear from his mind, even as the odd sensation remained. A sudden thought occurred to him, brought on by years of questioning and wonder. A thought that made his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

“No,” Kurt said aloud, and turned back to his desk. His cursor still blinked back at him, but it was almost as if the words on the page had turned to hieroglyphics. All of his focus was drawn to this new possibility, and the realization that maybe this is what he’d been hearing in the halls every few weeks as his peers began celebrating their entry to adulthood, or the media he’d been forced to consume his entire life. Was this that moment? And if it was, that would mean…

Kurt looked at the time again, moving his cursor over to confirm what he already knew. 

January 17th.

2012.

A wave of nausea hit him, and he was forced to put his head in his hands to keep from keeling over. His stress had only grown over the past few weeks, the past few months. He didn’t also need this. He didn’t need to know what he so desperately tried to keep away from his reality. 

He groaned, pressing his palms into his eyes, tears already threatening to start spilling over as they filled his vision. 

“No. Not now,” he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. “Please, please…”

He sat in silence for a few moments, holding back a sob that threatened to break. 

He was so _tired_. 

After a few more seconds passed, the gentle patter of rain that had been filling the silence suddenly lightened up. Kurt looked up, his vision hazy. He watched as the drops against the window slowly disappeared, instead leaving dewing streaks on the glass. In the distance, a few lights shone from windows on an otherwise darkened street, the faint glow of days old snow peppering rooftops. Through his teary gaze, he could make out the town’s center in the distance, a small but familiar beacon in an otherwise dreary looking town.

His gaze was locked on the light, and his mind calmed as his focus shifted to anywhere but the almost suffocating bedroom. Dropping his shoulders, Kurt let out a broken sigh, and brushed a fallen tear from under his eye. He’d made it through worse. This was something he had been prepared for his entire life.

Tentatively, Kurt reached back into mind, grasping at whatever this feeling was. He wasn’t entirely sure how this worked, if this was it at all, but if it _was_ happening, it couldn’t hurt to try to familiarize himself with it. He held his breath, and closed his eyes, focusing his energy to that point in the back of his head.

**_Hello?_ **

He continued holding his breath, not entirely prepared for what could follow. He heard it was weird, and uneasy, but that ultimately it felt right. Felt safe. But all Kurt could feel was terrified.

A few seconds passed, Kurt’s shoulders tense as he awaited some form of response. A flurry of “what ifs” flooded his consciousness, and he had to fight to keep his focus on the task at hand, letting out another shaky breath. He waited for what felt like hours, but as he looked down at his laptop once more, was only a few minutes. A small sense of relief hit him, and while he knew it could very well be temporary, the realization that this could in fact entirely be a manifestation of his stress weirdly comforted him. The uneasiness still hung, if only as a concept he would have to face later, but the lack of response at least meant that he could very well just be going crazy.

Kurt turned his attention back to his paper, the blinking cursor still taunting him. Thankfully, this was something Kurt could deal with. Popping his knuckles, Kurt tapped the enter key, and got back to work.

* * *

Once Kurt pulled his focus back to his midterm paper-- one mild mental breakdown later-- he was surprised to find the rest of it came rather easily. Too easy, in fact, and a part of him worried that he might have instead filled his document with nothing but fodder. It wouldn’t have been the first time, but judging by his surprisingly high marks for this time in the school year, he clearly didn’t have to try that hard in the first place. 

Kurt stared off through his English classroom’s window, watching the last of the small white clouds from yesterday’s storm drift away into the distance. He was still very much exhausted, having managed to drag himself to school on a rough five hours of sleep. Even the extra shot of coffee from the Starbucks he’d made Finn drive them through before arriving had already worn off, and it had Kurt wondering how much of his exhaustion was physical, and how much was simply the weight of his current world pulling him down.

Kurt had also successfully dodged Blaine the entire morning, getting around their usual morning meet with the excuse of him and Finn being behind from the coffee detour. He did want to see his boyfriend, but what had happened just a few hours before continued to prod his thoughts, and filled his body with a sense of dread of what was to come, assuming his intuition was correct. 

The “tether”, as most referred to it, was only a rather recent discovery, having officially been declared a scientific breakthrough roughly forty years ago, but had quickly become ingrained into every aspect of society. From even as early as birth, the concept of soulmates carried through someone’s life, from idle conversation of eager parents to Hollywood swapping it’s more traditional love stories to more modern takes on the strains of soulmates. The tether swung in many directions, and simply bonded two who were meant to be in each other's lives, whether it be the familial bond between two sisters, the platonic love of a friend, or the more widespread occurrence of romantic connections.

It wasn’t uncommon for bearers of a romantic tether to go against their calling and simply ignore their “destiny”, either. Most still preferred to continue seeing others as they would, and either simply cut contact with their other half, or mutually agree to remain friends. Many found it invasive and opted to ignore any possibility, but there were still the outspoken others who were more passionate, and sought after uniting themselves and others in their true love. In doing so, the romanticized culture of soulmates put pressure on the situation, and often caused strain on those involved, and the relationships they were in.

The topic had come up between Blaine and Kurt before, but only in casual conversation about their future. Kurt had always agreed with the other that their meeting certainly felt like that of fate, and while the knew better than to claim certainty of their connection, the reality of fate being backed up scientifically had them believing that their relationship counted for something. Whether or not they were destined to be, they loved each other through it all, and that’s what mattered to them. 

Having been suddenly handed it as a brutal reality check, however, had Kurt’s anxiety absolutely spiraling.

**_Hello?_ **

Kurt jumped in his seat, which caused his surrounding peers to jump as well, whipping their heads to look back at him in confusion. Kurt met their gazes with equally as wide eyes, the hair standing at the back of his neck as his heart thumped in his chest. Suddenly overcome with embarrassment, Kurt dropped his head, covering his face with a hand as he stared down at his notebook. His classmates returned to what they were doing, and Kurt hoped that if anyone mentioned it later, he could play it off as dozing off, and not…

The weird, pulsing feeling was at the back of his head again, which had Kurt’s stomach turning. There was no way he could deny it anymore.

Kurt turned to reach for his bookbag, slipping out his phone and shoving it hastily into the pocket of his jacket. Pulling the coat off his chair, he tucked it under his arm as he got up from his seat, quickly making his way to the teacher’s desk. Her head raised as he approached, and Kurt quietly asked for permission to excuse himself, which was met with an approving nod.

As he made his way out of the class and down the hall, he took a sharp turn, pulling himself into the abandoned choir room. The lights were dark, but that always worked in Kurt’s favor when he needed a moment to himself. He stopped in the doorway, and looked around, confirming that it currently wasn’t being used by anyone else in the club-- something that was amusingly common, if not traumatizing on occasion.

Thankfully, the room was clear, and Kurt headed towards the risers, slipping himself into a chair in the back corner, placing his coat on the seat beside him. He took one more look around the room, scanning the surrounding exits to the hallway as well, before pulling his feet up on the chair, resting his forehead on his knees.

He had no idea how to do this. His ears were ringing as his heart continued to race, but he tried to focus his energy again, just as he had the night before. He held his breath, then let out a slow breath, feeling the switch click again.

**_Hello._ **

His fingers dug into the sides of his legs, grateful that he’d yet to eat lunch as he was sure he would have been sick at this point. Thoughts of Blaine threatened to overtake his focus, but he was forced to kick them away, desperate to hopefully get some closure one way or another. It didn’t have to happen if they didn’t want it to, and Kurt could only hope whoever was at the end of his tether was in the same boat.

He waited, and swore he could hear a shuffle, as if this was just another call and the recipient was fumbling their phone. Closing his eyes, Kurt continued to focus.

 ** _I can’t talk about this right now_** , said a voice. Kurt could pinpoint it as a vague masculine tone, but the abstract concept of it mildly freaked him out, and instead he decided to trust his gut rather than put too much thought into it. 

**_That’s okay_** , Kurt replied, letting out a thankful sigh. The dawning realization that this actually was happening was only just hitting him, so whether the other needed hours, days, or even months to process, Kurt was thankful to have a bit more time to sort out his present life before coming to a decision on his future. 

There was a notable pause, but Kurt could still feel them hanging around. He wondered if this sensation would ever get any more normal.

**_I’m happy to hear you actually exist, though._ **

That took Kurt aback, and he felt his heart skip a beat before taking a sharp dive into his gut. The admission was casual, but Kurt couldn’t help his wave of emotions, feeling the weight behind the words-- it wasn’t too unfamiliar a feeling to himself in the past.

 ** _Me too_** , Kurt admitted. It wasn’t what he wanted to say in this situation, but deep down, he knew it’s what he felt.

 ** _Let me know_** , Kurt added, and with that, he pulled himself from the tether, feeling his normal headspace fill his mind like a balloon. Tasting salt, he licked his lips, realizing he’d started crying at some point. Quickly, he rubbed his face with the back of his hand, looking around the room to make sure he was still alone. He sniffled, glancing down at the jacket beside him, the faint shape of his phone visible through the pocket. He hadn’t even checked it since this morning.

Sitting up in the chair, he reached over, pulling out his phone and flicking the screen open. Kurt opened his messages, finding the contact he wanted a few rows down, and hesitated before tapping out a quick message:

_Can we have dinner tonight? Just the two of us. I want to talk about something._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the massive delay! Work and life took priority, but updates should be a bit more regular from now on.

Kurt turned the kitchen faucet off, shaking his hands off in the sink before grabbing the dish towel hanging from the oven handle, wiping his hands dry.

“You know, I also have hands,” Burt teased from where he sat at the dining table, his arms crossed in front of him as he leaned back in his seat. The two had shared a rather pleasant and well needed dinner; it wasn’t often that the pair could find some time alone, juggling Kurt’s extracurriculars and Burt’s newfound career in Washington that kept him away most weeks. They were both heading forward in their lives, which Kurt and Burt understood, but even welcome, it was still a drastic change from their life alone together,- especially with the addition of the Hudson Clan. 

Kurt waved his father off, returning the towel back to the handle. “What kind of dinner host would I be if I forced my guests to clean?”

“You could have at least let me offer,” Burt chuckled. Kurt rolled his eyes, doing a quick once over on the rest of the kitchen to make sure he’d finished cleaning before moving back to the table. He slipped back into his seat across from his dad.

“It’s okay,” he replied. “I feel like I’ve been slacking on chores lately, what with everything going on. Dinner and dishes were the least I could do.”

Burt stared at him for a few moments, and Kurt could feel his face prickle as his father studied it, but he held his gaze, offering a small shrug. “What?”

“What _has_ going on?” Burt asked, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. 

Kurt rubbed nervously at his wrists, his eyes dropping to his lap. He’d managed to avoid any serious topics over dinner, and instead made an effort to actually catch up in a rare one-on-one bonding session; it was mostly because the two of them genuinely needed a moment alone, but was also in part due to Kurt’s own nerves keeping the subject of his problems neatly tucked away.

“Well," Kurt started, cautious. "I’ve been busy with glee stuff-- this whole thing with Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury is stressful, and then Finn and Rachel have b-”

“Nah,” his father interrupted, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant.” Silence washed over the pair again, and Kurt couldn’t pull his eyes up as his anxiety began to bubble to the surface. He wasn’t even necessarily sure how to approach this conversation, let alone ready himself for whatever advice his father could offer.

As Kurt’s worries raged, he opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, trying to find the words, After a few more seconds, his dad’s gaze burning a hole into the top of his head, Kurt took a deep breath, pulling his clasped hands to the table.

“How did it feel when you tethered with mom?” he asked, looking back up to catch Burt’s reaction. Burt’s eyes widened, clearly taken by surprise. He uncrossed his arms, and slumped back into his chair, his eyes still steady on Kurt’s face. He hesitated with his response, and Kurt could see the inner workings tick behind his eyes.

“It was still pretty new, you know,” Burt started. “We still didn’t really ‘get’ it. There were a lot of new questions about it coming up every day.” 

“It always felt right, though. It seemed like everyone around us was dealing with the stress of this new future they were kind of swept into, whereas me and your mom connected like it was nothing.” He paused, a small smile dancing at the corners of his lips. “But she was always carefree and open to new ideas, so I guess it really doesn’t surprise me.”

Kurt smiled at that, a trickling of distant memories of his mother drifting through his mind. His father had always said that Kurt took after his mother, and while he could see it in a more artistic sense, his mother always remained an untouchable warmth, always putting others’ happiness before her own, and sticking up for the little guys. He could only hope to be half the selfless and caring woman she was.

Burt seemed lost in his own thoughts as well, but eventually quietly cleared his throat to continue. “We kind of just let it happen, as you know. One day I bumped into her after work-- literally, ran right into me, knocked everything out of her hand. I felt that spark right then, and we knew immediately who the other was.”

“It was weird, he explained with a shake of his head. “To this day, I still can’t explain that feeling. ‘Fate’. “

That word hung in Kurt’s mind like a lead weight. _That_ is the word Kurt couldn’t seem to grasp. 

Sucking in a breath, he carefully pulled together his next words.

“I… you don’t have to answer, but after she died… what happened?”

Burt stared at him, and Kurt watched as an unclear emotion whipped through his eyes, gone as fast as it had appeared. He shrugged, crossing his arms on his chest. “Nothing changed. Just got a bit more quiet.”

Kurt felt a twinge in his heart, and had to fight the tears that threatened to break at his water line. He wasn’t sure what answer he’d expected, but he certainly wasn’t prepared for the confirmation of something Kurt always felt himself, but never really addressed.

“I still feel that pull to her,” his father continued, his tone audibly softer. “ I really can’t explain it. Sometimes it sucks. A lot. And I miss her every day. But this tether, it just goes to show that it’s an energy thing, and that helps me realize that she’s always going to be around, even if it’s just what she left on this earth with her.” 

Losing the battle, Kurt raised his hand to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. From across the table, Burt watched his son, Kurt noting that his own eyes seemed to twinkle a bit in the dim dining room light.

“Sometimes I feel that too,” Kurt admitted after a few silent moments, dropping his gaze to his lap. “I know I don’t have the tether, but I feel her sometimes.” It sounded cheesy, even to a romantic like Kurt, but he knew what he felt. He was sentimental for more than cherishing a past he would never return to-- it felt wrong to not honor someone who he could still so clearly picture at his bedside as he cried, or enveloping him in a hug at the word of good news. He would catch her perfume, not only from her dresser, but on the wind at a park, or on a sweater of his she’d never lived to touch. While the concept of fate was beyond him, as well as any connection to a more collective form of faith, he still wanted to believe that somehow she was with them, and proud of the men he and his father were becoming. 

“I think there’s still a lot to figure out with this thing,” Burt said, pulling a hand from where his arms crossed to gesture at the air. “Who’s to say you two didn’t have a connection too? Maybe not like how it was meant, but I think you…” He trailed off for a few moments, his words almost fading in the air. Kurt absentmindedly pulled at a loose thread on his sweater, waiting. 

“When you were born, I could see it in her eyes,” Burt continued. Kurt looked up at that, his fingers stilling. “And I knew it then that you were more special than I could have imagined. Because I could feel it too. And it really… I think that I met her to bring you into this world. To bring you and her together. I think that was our purpose.”

Kurt couldn’t help but smile, and was thankful that his father returned it, albeit more of a quirked lip than a grin. 

His father sat up again, pulling his arms back onto the table. “So while me and you may not be able to talk in each other’s heads-- well, more than just being in sync with stuff, or you always being in my ear when I’m about to do something stupid--” he said, which made Kurt chuckle quietly. “I do think there’s something there. And I think that whatever it is, it’s more common than you think.”

Silence fell over them yet again, but it was more comforting than before. Something about his father’s final words helped ease his lingering worries about statements prior, because his dad had a point. With the entire world still trying to figure out what all of this could mean, and how it worked in the universe, it was a great relief to know that the common denominator was that they were all going through it together, and that past experiences and beliefs were a shared experience.

However, curiosity pricked at his mind. He’d yet to have a conversation about the tether at all, let alone pry into his father’s personal life. “Did you feel the same when you met Carole?” he asked.

Another few seconds passed as his father pulled together a response. “Yes and no,” he answered. Kurt waited patiently, ready to end the conversation at the first sign of discomfort. However, his father seemed calm, which drew a sense of ease over Kurt.

“Carole knew she didn’t have the tether with me,” Burt said. “I obviously knew I didn’t with her. So as much as I like to go around believing in this energy thing, I think the ‘stigma’,” he said, doing air quotes, “people put on it, especially romantically, is a huge pressure. Now people are going against that more, but back then, our whole world was turned upside down.”

Burt shrugged again, waving his hands loosely. “It’s ingrained in us, and we have to really work to unlearn it all. “

“But really,” he continued, resting his arms back on the table. “Even with that, it doesn’t feel any different. A connection is a connection. If you have a spark with someone, and you believe in it, that’s all that should matter. We still don’t understand this all, so who’s to say that all of this isn’t just something a few people got hyped up about, and it turned into this big soulmate thing?”

That resonated with Kurt, and he felt his entire body relax. It was true that there was a focus on the romanticized aspect of the tether, especially given the age it appears, where teens are essentially hyper fixated on the wonders of dating, and their futures in love. Kurt was a romantic himself, and the thought had in fact always been that the tether was who you were meant to end up with. But to hear his father’s perspective, and that maybe there was more to this than most wanted to delve into, opened Kurt’s eyes, and helped calm his nerves about the pressures of relationships-- tethered or otherwise.

I think, really,” Burt continued, “a soulmate is anyone you come around to love, or who makes a difference in your life. I am married to one soulmate, and I had you with another.”

Kurt’s mouth parted, and he let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping and a soft smile stretching across his face. “Thanks, dad.”

“Yeah, anytime kid.”

Kurt was about to get up, but his father’s next words kept him glued to his seat.

“Are you going to tell Blaine?” Burt asked. Kurt’s heart skipped a beat. “I figure that’s what this is all about.”

Kurt bit the inside of his cheek and dropped his gaze to his lap, not entirely sure what to say.

“I know I have to,” he admitted after a moment, resting his hands on his knees. “It’s just… I don’t know how well he’ll take it. We’ve talked about it, and been prepared, but we also wanted to believe it would happen with us.” He looked up at his dad, seeking any sort of insight.

Burt simply stared at him, and Kurt tried to study his face for any sort of tell. However, his father remained stoic, and simply offered a shrug.

“You kids are young,” he said finally. “I think young love is one of the most special, most genuine things this world has to offer. And I obviously hope that you two work out.”

Kurt waited, the unsaid ‘but’ hanging in the air between them. Burt clearly could hear it too, and held Kurt’s gaze as he clearly tried to gather his next words.

“I think you can’t take things too seriously right now,” he said after a few moments. “You guys have a whole life to live, and you should make the most of what you have. Look,” he paused, gesturing to Kurt. “I think whoever this person is, you shouldn’t write out. But I also don’t think you need to be throwing everything else away in the meantime. Blaine loves you, and you love him. Just enjoy it.”

Burt sat back in his chair again, his arms crossed against his chest. “And if he doesn’t want to because of this tether crap, then send him to me and I’ll give him a piece of my mind.”

Kurt let out a welcomed laugh. “I know you will.”

“Have you talked to this guy yet? Or girl? Or, uh…”

“Guy. I’m pretty sure,” Kurt interrupted. “And not really. He said he didn’t want to talk about it yet. Or couldn’t. I’m thankful he’s understanding, I guess.”

“That’s good.”

Kurt nodded.

Burt sighed. “Well, I’m sure you’ve got homework or something.”

“Trying to get rid of me?” Kurt asked, happy for the conversation to drop. He raised a brow, and playfully crossed his arms in front of him.

Burt chuckled, waving Kurt off as he stood up from his seat. “This is my first full week home in nearly a month,” he said, pushing the chair in as he moved to stand behind it.”You’re going to want to get rid of me by the time I go back.”

Kurt couldn’t help but let out a giggle, standing from his own chair. Burt stretched out an arm, and Kurt happily stepped forward, pulling his father into a hug. They lingered a bit longer than they usually did in their hugs, Kurt taking the time to really embrace this feeling he had been left with. Burt didn’t seem to mind, and only let his own arms drop when Kurt was the first to pull away.

“Love ya, kid.”

* * *

After Kurt headed back to his room, his mind was anywhere but on his homework. He briefly tried to work on his history homework, but the words in his textbook seemed to muddle together, making focusing impossible. Frustrated, he'd slammed the book closed, and pushed it off to the side. 

Now, Kurt sat cross legged on his bed, his elbows on his knees as his face rested in his hands. He stared blankly at the phone laying on the mattress in front of him. Having gone into the dinner with high expectations and a search for clarity, the comforting atmosphere Burt had first instilled in him had faded, and Kurt was instead left feeling even more confused, and with that, the words he needed to find to speak to Blaine about everything were miles away.

There was a quiet knock on the door, which immediately drew Kurt’s attention away from the dark screen, his head turning.

“Come in,” he called, expecting his father to open the door from the other side. Instead, as it was drawn open, Finn’s head poked into his room. 

Kurt gave a soft smile, sitting up to instead lean back onto his hands. “Hi,” he said as cheerfully as he could, but it instead came out weak and airy. He didn’t miss Finn’s expression shift, his brow quirking for just a moment in curiosity as he stepped into the room. Kurt swallowed, watching as his step-brother pushed the door closed behind him before making his way over to the bed.

“How was you guys’ dinner?” Finn asked, making a seat for himself on the floor next to Kurt’s dresser. He pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his arms on top of them.

“It was nice,” Kurt answered after a moment, turning his gaze back to his phone. “I know we’ve all been busy and this year is racing by, but because of that I forget how much I miss my dad sometimes.”

Finn chuckled. “Yeah, I know how you feel. My mom keeps saying I’m growing more every time she sees me.”

“I sure hope you aren’t.”

“I dunno. Maybe if I break six-six I can get a basketball scholarship,” Finn joked, and Kurt’s soft smile broke into a grin, but he found it fading again as quickly as it had come. 

There was an awkward silence, and the hairs on Kurt’s arms and neck prickled as he felt Finn’s gaze bearing into him.

“Is everything okay?” Finn asked after a moment, his voice soft. Kurt lifted his eyes again, staring back at the other boy, who’s own eyes were filled with concern. Kurt hesitated, and opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out but a soft breath. Finn dropped his gaze to his lap.

“I heard Burt talking to mom about you and Blaine. I didn’t really want to listen in or anything in case you didn’t want me to hear…” Finn trailed off, and raised a hand to run it through the front of his hair. “But I have noticed you guys haven’t really been talking in glee or anything. And the last few days you just seem… off.”

Kurt felt his anxiety stir again, and couldn’t help but notice a familiar pull at the back of his mind, almost as if someone else was listening in. The concept made his stomach turn, and he briefly wondered if he’d been careless enough to let his thoughts wander elsewhere, let alone if that were even possible.

“Sorry. I don’t need to know anything,” Finn said quickly, which helped pull Kurt out of his sudden wave of nausea. His head whipped back around, and only then did he realize his hands were clenched in fists around his sheets. Finn’s eyes were wide, glancing back and forth between Kurt’s hands and his face. Kurt instantly released his bedsheets, instead sitting up more, pulling his hands loosely into his lap.

“No, it's okay,” Kurt started, feeling a rush of embarrassment wash over him. He certainly wasn't one to shy away from showing his emotions, good or bad, but something about being anxious, especially about this, had Kurt feeling helpless. "I was asking my dad about his tether."

"You got it?" Finn asked, barely more than a whisper. Kurt simply nodded, and felt his cheeks burn as Finn stared at him in awe. 

"Wow," Finn added, which drew a small, nervous chuckle from Kurt. "Sorry. You're just the first in glee to have it."

The pair sat silently for a moment as Kurt waited for Finn to continue. He watched as his friend's expression shifted into that of surprise, and presumed he'd pieced the information together. Kurt nodded again, offering a small shrug. "I haven't told him yet," Kurt said quietly.

"Do you know who it is?"

Kurt shook his head. "Just that it's another guy. But I didn't really want to talk to him much, and he didn't with me. I think we were both surprised," he said, thinking back to his conversation he'd had just earlier today at school. He found his heartstrings tugged again at the memory of the other's admission of gratefulness, and had to pause his mental train, wondering why this feeling suddenly felt so familiar.

His brows scrunched in confusion, and his gaze looking off to the side of Finn as he tried to recall whatever it was from his past that had sparked his memory. However, Finn interrupted his thoughts, pulling him back into his present surroundings. 

"What did Burt say?"

Kurt shrugged. "Just a new perspective," he said, fumbling with his hands. "I've been so caught up in the romantic side of it that I haven't really known how to handle everything with Blaine." He paused, dropping his eyes to his lap. "It's still a concern, of course. But I didn't really think about how it could just be someone important to me, and less some random person I should be dating instead."

Finn nodded. "Yeah. Like me and my mom."

"What?" Kurt said, jerking his head back up to look at his step-brother.

Finn just stared at him, his eyes wide. "Yeah, um. You didn't know?"

Kurt just shook his head, his mouth agape in shock. 

Finn dropped his own gaze to his feet, his shoulders giving another weak shrug. "We don't know for sure, or anything," he said. "Not for a few months at least. But it's hard to think otherwise, especially now with her and Burt married."

"You mean, she didn't have it with your dad?"

"No," Finn answered. "She didn't really care, so she never thought about it. But I guess after she had me, and everything we had to go through together, she assumed there was something more going on."

"I guess I don't really mind either," he continued, giving his small infamous smile. "I'd do anything to make her happy. Always have."

Kurt already respected Finn, but to hear how selfless he could be always filled his heart. It was also comforting to hear that someone else, especially someone he was as close to as Finn, confirm what his father had said about connections, and how it was clearly more prevalent that society's majority liked to speak of. And ultimately, he knew that the future of his tether could never be certain, but to hear from people who have experienced firsthand that he wasn't necessarily doomed to end his current or future relationships over this stirred a sense of confidence within him.

“Rachel knows, then?” Kurt asked.

Finn nodded. “She says she’s more concerned about her destiny with her dreams and career, but she was obviously still hurt. But she also thinks that because I don’t know for sure, that it could still be us. Or that she’d be the first person to ever be a second tether, or something.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Of course.” Finn chuckled with him, leaning his head back against the dresser. 

“I guess it’s not crazy to imagine,” Kurt said after a moment. Finn cocked his head, waiting for Kurt to elaborate. 

“A second tether,” he continued, shrugging his shoulders. “My dad was talking about soulmates earlier, and how it’s backwards to think that you’re only meant to be the most important person with _one_ person in your entire life. With all of this still being new, it's possible we could have more connections that we just haven't figured out yet."

Finn slowly nodded, giving Kurt another small smile. "Yeah, that makes sense," he said, his gaze focusing through Kurt rather than on him. "I definitely feel something special with Rachel."  
  
"I do with Blaine," Kurt added.

"And with you."

Kurt's face flushed, a residual effect of an old crush he was still working to move on from. "And with you," he agreed. Finn's gaze returned to Kurt's eyes, and the boy shot him a big grin, which only drew a smile of Kurt's own to his face. 

"Maybe on my birthday we can, like, sit and try to talk. Or get one of those weird tin foil hat things to connect our brains," Finn said, and Kurt wasn't sure if he was playing off a joke or putting serious thought into the possibility. He couldn't help but laugh, picturing the two of them on the floor together looking like they were in _Signs._  
  
"Maybe," Kurt said, letting himself fall back onto his bed, his anxiety slowly being picked away as Finn continued to ramble on with theories on how they could link their thoughts. From the back of his mind, the prickling of another lurking had faded, and instead Kurt let himself get lost in a long overdue night of brotherly bonding.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that tethered speech is in bold italics. 
> 
> :)

Kurt stood in front of his locker, flicking through his math notebook in a desperate attempt to find his study notes he’d prepared days ago. Tina stood beside him, impatiently hopping between her feet as Kurt tried his best to locate them for her, having caught him just before her own test after losing her own notecards.

“It’s okay if you can’t find them,” she said, but her voice breaking said otherwise. “I should have been more organized.”

“No, it’s fine,” Kurt said, scanning the pages in front of him. “I forgot to take it out the other night, but it’s in here.”

_**Is everything okay?** _

“Jesus!” Kurt jumped, startling Tina and dropping his notes in the process. His friend looked up at him in concern, her eyes wide as he tried to gather himself. It was unlikely Finn had already made his rounds of spreading news of his tether, especially considering he’d sworn him to secrecy until he could talk to Blaine, and fortunately neither him or Tina really had much time for Kurt to get into it during a passing period. So instead, he feigned pain in his finger, shaking his hand.

“Sorry,” he apologized, bending over to retrieve the notebook. “Papercut.” As he picked up his notes, he realized they had fallen open to the page he was looking for, which helped calm his nerves slightly.

“Here you go,” Kurt said, offering the notebook to Tina. She looked thoroughly unconvinced of his excuse, looking back between his outstretched hand and him, but took the notebook with a questioning look.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Tina said after a moment, quickly tucking the book into her messenger bag. “I’ll get it back to you at lunch, I promise!” She left with a swift hug, practically jogging down the hall, and disappeared up the staircase. Kurt turned back to his locker, pulling his textbook he currently needed out as he focused his thoughts.

_**You scared the crap out of me**_ , Kurt replied.

**_Sorry_** , the voice apologized. **_I have no idea how to start talking without just talking_**.

Kurt closed his locker, readjusting his bag from where it had slouched on his shoulder. **_It’s fine. I was just looking for something, so I didn't notice you trying._**

_**Is losing whatever it was why you’ve been anxious?** _the voice asked.

Kurt stilled, facing the lockers. **_You could tell?_**

_**My heart started racing for no reason. Same as last night. I couldn’t figure out why, and then I realized where I felt a lot of it coming from.** _

_Interesting_. Looking over his shoulder, Kurt noticed most of the hall had emptied out, signalling he was likely about to be late for his class. Slowly, he turned away, heading towards his classroom. 

_**Sorry**_ , Kurt apologized, wincing as the bell did in fact start to chime through the halls. _**No, last night I was talking to my dad. I wanted to ask him about… all of this.**_

There was an emptiness, what Kurt presumed was simply a silence. It was clear the two of them could more easily communicate now, but the more Kurt spoke to him, he felt as if he was almost physically entering another space. 

**_What, was he mad or something?_ **

**_No_** , Kurt answered, rounding the hall’s corner. **_Not at all. But I haven’t talked about it, and I needed advice._**

Kurt could see his classroom approaching, but instead, his feet turned to pull him into the boy’s bathroom. Knowing he full well would not be able to concentrate in class while talking to his tether, he might as well take advantage of being a teacher’s favourite and get away with a few extra minutes tucked away somewhere.

**_I haven’t told my boyfriend yet. He was hoping we would be each other’s. Obviously,_ **Kurt added.

_**Would he get mad?**_ the voice asked, and Kurt could pick up the concern in his tone.

_**I don’t know**_ , Kurt said, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He turned away, pulling himself up to sit on the sink. **_He’d just be upset, mostly._**

Another few silent moments passed. The hair on Kurt’s arms stood up as his skin pimpled, and he noticed his heart beat a little faster.

**_Why are you nervous?_ **Kurt asked.

**_Sorry_** , the voice apologized, and Kurt couldn’t help but laugh at the oddity of this new quirk they’d discovered. **_I just… I don’t want to be the reason you’d break up with someone. Or be broken up with, I guess. I've heard about stuff like this, and how it can go wrong._**

There was a sincerity there that Kurt could feel, and again, found himself bewildered as he realized he had a bit of déjà vu with this conversation, despite being positive he had never had it before. Something about how his tether inflicted emotion sparked something in his memory. Making a mental note to think back on it later, he shook it off, turning back to the conversation at hand.

_**You wouldn’t be**_ , Kurt said, rubbing his chilled arm. His hand stilled, and for a moment he wondered if everyone had this physical side effect, or if it was just circumstantial depending on the tether. At the very least, he hoped they could explore ways of staving it off in the future, and for now simply chalked it up to their tether being fresh, and the two of them being inexperienced.

**_I guess just let him know I don’t want to ever come between you guys,_** the voice said.

Kurt smiled softly. **_I appreciate that._**

Staring at the tile wall across the bathroom, silence fell over them again, but the weird mental static signaled whoever was at the end of his tether was still hovering. Clicking his tongue, Kurt decided to chance a few questions.

**_Are you gay?_** Kurt asked, biting his lip nervously. He could hear the nervous shuffle in the back of his head, and even before he answered, Kurt knew what the response would be.

**_Yeah._ **

Kurt let out a shaky breath. Hearing the confirmation, he couldn’t help but revert back to his worries the day before, and that possibly whoever his tether was would be a good romantic match for him. He’d told the other that he wouldn’t be the reason for any break up, but now this thought would continue to linger in the back of his head throughout his future. Frankly, it was as annoying as it was a genuine concern.

Sighing to himself, Kurt turned instead to look out the small window on the far wall. The frosted glass let the early morning sun in, just enough to bring a warm glow to the fluorescent filled bathroom. If he wasn’t so afraid of someone walking in and seeing him, he would have gone to stand in the soft rays, letting the sun trickle on his face. If it wasn’t the middle of winter, Kurt would have played hooky right then and there to go relax in some fresh air.

Clearly noticing the silence, the voice spoke again. **_Maybe we’re meant to be each other’s wingmen_** , he joked.

Kurt appreciated the tension break, and let out an ugly laugh to himself. ** _I honestly wouldn’t mind some ‘queer solidarity’ here. I’m lacking in gay friends._**

_**Tell me about it.** _

**_You’re Central, aren’t you?_** Kurt asked, suddenly remembering his first night with his tether, and how he’d felt the connection at midnight precisely.

_**What?** _the voice asked.

**_When I noticed the tether, it had just turned midnight here_** , Kurt explained quickly, suddenly feeling butterflies flutter in his stomach. He hadn’t thought about it until this moment, but it was very likely whoever his tether was lived fairly close to him, if fate came into play. Kurt couldn’t necessarily see himself visiting Central America or the Canadian Tundra much in his life, which meant that fate would likely have aligned them to the states. Perhaps _that_ was why Kurt could find familiarity in their conversations: they were clearly very similar.

_**Oh,**_ the voice said, laced with genuine surprise. Kurt’s nerves continued to flutter, to the point where he wasn’t sure how much was his own anticipation, or if the other was just as taken aback by the realization. Every second passed felt like an hour, but it had just been a few mere moments before the other responded.

**_Yeah. I’m in the midwest._ **

**_Me too_** , Kurt said, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach-- not with disgust, but because this was now becoming more and more real, and only meant that putting off any inevitable conversation would only get harder with time.

**_I’ve got to go to class_** , Kurt said quickly, and debated pulling himself from his mind before the other could respond. However, he now knew that the other would be able to tell he wasn’t feeling well, and didn’t want to cause the unnecessary stress of both being ignored and any physical discomfort Kurt accidentally brought him. Instead, Kurt froze in place, holding his bookbag on his lap as he waited.

**_Okay_** , the voice responded after a moment. Kurt could tell that he was just as spooked, but was doing a much better job than Kurt at disguising it. **_I’ll… be around._**

Kurt scoffed, running a hand through his hair. He forced his thoughts away from their communication space, which appeared to be much easier when the other clearly did the same. Hopping off the sink, he turned back to face his reflection once more. His face was more pale than it usually was, and his hair was gently mussed from where he’d just pulled at it. Letting out a slow, shaky breath, he forced himself to stand straight. He raised a hand to fix his loose locks that had been pushed out of place, setting them neatly back into his coif. He pulled out his phone briefly to check the time, realizing he was much later than he’d intended to be to class, and quickly shoved it back into his bag before turning to head out the door. 

* * *

His next few periods had passed painfully slow, leaving his notes scribbled with random doodles and scratchings as he tried to distract himself. He’d managed to finally pull together what he wanted to say to Blaine, but knew the next difficult step would be finding the courage to actually say those things to him. His boyfriend had texted him halfway through his first class, a simple “good morning!” followed with a handful of smilies and heart emojis, which helped ease Kurt’s emotions. Admittedly, their texting had been sparse the last few weeks, so Kurt appreciated the occasional cute messages he would get throughout the days now that school had begun to kick off after the holiday break. They still had their weekly Thursday dates to look forward to, but with Kurt having been caught up in the drama of his NYADA application, and Blaine having dived headfirst into glee assignments and competition preparations, Kurt found the relationship falling out of the honeymoon phase they’d unfortunately become accustomed to. 

Kurt stood outside the cafeteria doors, his eyes trained down the hall as he waited for his boyfriend to appear. He’d dodged Blaine again that morning, and the guilt of ignoring him two days in a row had caught up to Kurt. He knew at the very least he shouldn't be pushing Blaine away, no matter how much he was struggling to find the strength to confront him about his own new life development. It wasn’t healthy for their relationship, especially if Kurt wanted it to survive, and it certainly wasn’t fair to Blaine to be kept in the dark.

After a few minutes of waiting, Kurt let out a sigh of relief as Blaine rounded the corner, his eyes locking with Kurt’s almost instantly. His boyfriend’s face broke into a grin, throwing Kurt a wave as he quickly made his way through meandering students and towards Kurt.

“Long time no see, stranger,” Blaine greeted him, pressing a small peck to Kurt’s cheek.

“I know,” Kurt sighed, giving his boyfriend a quick, tight hug, letting himself get lost in the embrace. “Auditorium today?”

Blaine pulled out of the hug, giving Kurt another smile. “Sure.”

The pair heading into the cafeteria, quickly making their way through the food line before the rest of the lunch rush hit, and ducked back out of the room, instead heading with their trays back down the halls, towards the auditorium. 

Blaine busied their walk with idle conversation, filling Kurt in on his morning classes, which thankfully allowed Kurt to sit back and listen, only offering an occasional comment or two when needed. As they made their way into the empty theater, they headed down the few steps towards the stage, setting their trays on it before hoisting themselves up onto the edge.

“It’s just kind of stupid, you know?” Blaine said, finishing up a rather long winded rant about something Kurt had tuned out from in the last minute or so.

“Definitely,” Kurt agreed blindly, pulling a bag of chips open in his lap before hesitating. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Blaine looking over at him for a moment before dropping his eyes. 

“I saw Finn this morning,” Blaine said, beginning to pick at the veggies on his plate. “He said you weren’t feeling well.”

Kurt stared at the bag in his lap, knowing full well he wasn’t all that hungry. However, he also knew that was almost entirely based on his mental standing, and that if he couldn’t manage to eat now, he’d only be more irritable and anxious later. 

“I haven’t been sleeping much,” Kurt admitted, turning his head to glance at Blaine as he began to eat.

His boyfriend nodded slowly, making a small noise of acknowledgement as he bit into a carrot stick. Kurt let out a soft sigh, reaching a hand out to Blaine’s leg. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Blaine looked up, first to Kurt’s hand, then to his face. Kurt could only imagine what he looked like, but whatever it was that either his face or voice betrayed, Blaine thankfully picked up on. His boyfriend dropped his food back to his tray, nodding as he turned, pulling his legs up so he could face Kurt. Kurt removed his chips and did the same, his gaze dropping to their feet in front of him as he clasped his hands loosely in his lap. His thumb nervously ran over his knuckles, the of the empty auditorium silence deafening

“Is ev-”

“I got my tether,” Kurt said, wincing as he realized his interruption. He looked up, his heart racing, and felt his stomach drop as he watched Blaine’s expression fall. The words he’d planned for days threatened to escape him, and in a desperate attempt to control his building anxiety, he held his hand out to Blaine. It took a few moments, his boyfriend stilled in front of him, but eventually the other boy slipped his hand into Kurt’s, though a much lighter, tentative touch than Kurt was used to.

“It happened the other night. I was up finishing homework, and suddenly I… I felt something,” Kurt continued, staring down at Blaine’s hand in his. “I didn’t even know what it was at first. I considered it, but then nothing else happened. It wasn’t until yesterday that…I knew.”

Blaine sat silently in front of him, his head also bowed as Kurt continued. 

“I couldn’t explain what it’s like to you if I tried. Or how much actually witnessing it for myself changed my entire perspective of it,” Kurt said, pausing. He couldn’t imagine what Blaine was thinking right now, and the fact that he couldn’t see his face only made the anticipation of what was to come worse. Kurt could feel his tears already beginning to pool at the corners of his eyes.

“But I do know that it hasn’t changed how I feel about you. About us,” he continued, his voice catching in his throat. “I don’t know who he is right now, but even if I did find out, I know who I’m meant to be with. For now, or hopefully forever.” He paused again, taking a moment to clear his throat. He gave Blaine’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Our connection is real, whether or not the universe makes other plans.”

Every time Kurt’s voice faded, the silence hit him like a truck. He almost wished they were in the cafeteria, as impractical as it would be. The pounding of his heart being the only noise was making him dizzy, and the fact that Blaine had remained motionless in front of him only worsened his fears. He had no idea what his boyfriend would think.

As Kurt felt the room begin to spin, the silence turning to almost visible static, Kurt looked up, and placed his other hand on top of Blaine’s. “Please say something,” he said, desperate.

After what felt like ages, Blaine sighed, giving Kurt’s hand a squeeze. As he looked up, his own eyes filled with glittering tears, which immediately triggered Kurt’s to fall.

“I know we talked about it,” Blaine said, his voice calm but audibly broken. “But it just… it sucks. I don’t know what to say.”

Kurt couldn’t blame him at that, but it didn’t hurt him any less. He’d only planned for the conversation itself, the results afterwards being nothing but vague possibilities. He’d considered the negatives and positives, but even that couldn’t have prepared him for the reality-- the unknown.

“Do you want to break up with me?” Kurt asked, fighting back a sob.

Blaine looked at him, stunned. “Do you _want_ me to break up with you?”

“No,” Kurt said quickly, shaking his head. “I want us to be together. But not if you’re… Not if you will resent me.”

“Don’t be crazy,” Blaine said, his voice soft, even still laced with sadness. “You didn’t choose this.” He hesitated, then, “I just don’t want you to resent me.”

“How could I resent you?” Kurt replied, bewildered. 

“I don’t know,” Blaine continued, shaking his head. “That I’m not good enough for you? That something about me isn’t universally right?” He offered Kurt a small shrug, looking off into the theater seats. “I just don’t want you to waste your time with me, I guess.”

Kurt gave Blaine’s hands another squeeze, shaking his head once more. “You’re not a waste of my time.”   
The pair went quiet again, save for their collective sniffles. Kurt rubbed Blaine’s thumb, but it felt more as a comfort for himself than anything else. 

“You said ‘he’?” Blaine asked, turning his head to look back at Kurt. “So it’s another guy?”

Kurt nodded. “Yes.” He hoped Blaine didn’t want to investigate further, especially knowing now that his tether was also a gay man, nevermind a gay man somewhere in the surrounding states. He could try his best to convince Blaine that fate didn’t have a hand in his future, but he certainly couldn’t blame him for any paranoia if his alleged “soulmate” was someone very much attainable.

Luckily, Blaine seemed to have heard enough, at least for the time being. He let out a small sigh, using his free hand to wipe his tears from his eyes. Kurt watched as his boyfriend fixed his posture, sitting up from his slump he’d fallen into. Kurt couldn’t seem to find the strength to do it himself, and instead kept his head down, staring back at their clasped hands. 

“I guess,” Blaine started, giving another small sniff, his tears all but disappeared now. “It’s comforting to know it’s not someone here. You might not ever meet him.”

Kurt gave a small, sad shrug. “Maybe not.” He debated continuing, his father’s words from the night before hovering in the back of his mind. After a few moments, he swallowed, ready. “My dad said something last night, too. He said, soulmates are what you make of it, and that they are someone who makes a difference in your life. And maybe that’s who this person is. But a soulmate is also someone that you know you love, and choose to love.” He left his last words unsaid, positive that Blaine already knew.

Finally, a small smile quirked at the corner of Blaine’s lips, albeit melancholy, his eyes still dark and reddened. “You’re right,” he continued, putting his free hand on top of Kurt’s. “We love each other. Whoever this guy is, he doesn’t have the history we have. Or the future.”

Kurt returned the smile, leaning forward. Blaine met him, and as their foreheads touched, Kurt felt a weight lift off of his shoulders. It certainly wasn’t easy, and there was still so much more to say as time progressed, but he was happy to finally have everything out in the open, and even more glad that Blaine seemed to share his mindset. However, something new seemed to grow in the pit of his stomach; something that had been there before, but that he hadn’t necessarily addressed: while Kurt was confident that his connection with Blaine was real, and that his was the future he wanted to be a part of, something about his tether seemed to draw him in. He was aware of the science behind it, and the beliefs and romanticized mystery that he had been told throughout his life, and his conversation with his father and Finn had left him believing that something akin to fate was perhaps more real than he’d once believed.

But what he had to address now was the possibility that fate would inevitably intervene whether the couple liked it or not-- or perhaps, if it wasn't simply a weird coincidence of similarity, and that it already had struck.


	4. Chapter 4

For the first time in quite some while, Kurt fell into bed with a smile on his face. His usual Thursday date with Blaine had been significantly more eventful than the weeks following, as his boyfriend finally seemed to have turned his attention fully back to him. It had only been a small date-- a dinner followed by a movie while they cuddled in Blaine's bedroom, but Kurt felt reconnected, and that any gentle touches or soft kisses were that of genuine want rather than obligation of a relationship. Kurt hadn't felt wanted in quite some time, so tonight had been a complete and welcomed reset to his anxieties. Perhaps it had been his own troubles that had been pushing his boyfriend away, and now that the stress of glee had turned to excitement, his midterms were completed and turned in, and the heavy weight of his new issues surrounding his tether being finally lifted, he and Blaine could get back to feeling in love.

Brushing a lock of hair off of his forehead, Kurt stared at the ceiling, tracing patterns in the stucco. As the floatiness of his feelings began to wake for the night, his blooming excitement for the day ahead began to bubble. The glee club and Mr. Schue had finally come to a consensus on how their teacher's proposal should go, and being the romantic he was, Kurt was practically vibrating with anticipation for Miss Pillsbury's reaction. He sighed to himself, letting his eyes close as he practiced the choreography and lyrics in his mind. 

He wasn't entirely sure when he had drifted off, but awoke to a near silent world, his bedroom lights the only noise, giving off a gentle buzz. As his eyes adjusted, Kurt rubbed at his face, squinting over at the clock on his bedside table. 

12:23.

Kurt let out a sigh of relief, thankful he hadn't been sleeping in his day clothes for long. Pulling himself out of bed, he made quick work of his nightly routine, wanting to be as well rested as he could for the day ahead. As he rinsed his mouth with water, placing his toothbrush back in it’s holder, he looked up at his reflection in the mirror, and couldn’t help but shoot a small smile back at himself. It was nice to see his own peace, and was a welcome change from the last few days. 

He stood up, patting his face dry with his towel and neatly placing it back on it’s rack before leaving his bathroom. He hummed to himself as he slipped into bed, reaching over to flick off his bedroom lights before shimmying himself beneath his covers. He turned on his side, lifting his phone from his bedside table to quickly make sure his alarms were set. After setting it back down, he wiggled further down, in his bed, pulling his covers up to his neck, a soft smile still laying naturally on his lips.

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes closed as he readied himself for sleep. The pull at the back of his head from his tether had been generally absent all night, which Kurt was thankful for, and served as a welcome break from any of his worries. However, in the moments of quiet, Kurt had begun to find himself familiarizing himself just to where that feeling was, if only to be more aware of where he was placing his thoughts, or if his tether was wanting to contact him. As Kurt relaxed, his less bearing thoughts began to fall away, and he could pinpoint a gentle lull from somewhere deep in his head. As he lingered on it, he found himself noting a small change.

**_I see you’re a night owl,_ ** Kurt said, amused. He swear he could hear a laugh, which pulled a smile to his lips.

**_I guess,_ ** the voice replied.  **_I like the quiet._ **

Kurt shimmied further into his sheets, pulling the blanket up to his nose as he settled his head into his pillow.  **_I understand._ ** He paused, fighting back a yawn until it eventually won over.  **_I just wanted to say goodnight, and that I hope you have a nice day tomorrow._ **

There was another pause, this time from the other. Kurt could feel a small flutter in his chest, though briefly worried that it was a weird thing to say, and was about to apologize for the disturbance of this boy’s night when he replied.

**_Oh,_ ** he said, Kurt catching the surprise in his tone.  **_Yeah, you too. Goodnight._ **

Kurt’s cheeks burned with his smile, and couldn’t help but let out a short, soft laugh. He let the tether linger for a few more moments, enjoying the aura of peace that had settled between the two of them. As the connection faded, Kurt’s muscles relaxed, though his smile remained as he found himself drifting into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

As Kurt had expected, the next day was filled with nothing but feelings of love and excitement. The proposal had gone off quite literally swimmingly. It filled him with such joy to watch a moment so important, and so pure, and so personal unfold before him, and even moreso to be able to contribute to this happy ending alongside his little second family.

While everyone pulled themselves from the pool, surrounding the newly engaged couple in a large, wet hug-- something even Ms. Pillsbury tolerated-- Kurt caught a glimpse of Blaine from across the dogpile. His boyfriend’s face had a grin plastered on it that stretched for miles, and as his eyes met Kurt’s, Kurt couldn’t help feel positively blinded. Once congratulations were said and the celebration moved from the pool room, out towards the hall, Kurt felt an arm wrap through his. Turning, he was shocked to see not his boyfriend, but a rather beaming Rachel. From a few steps behind her, Kurt spotted his partner deep in conversation with Finn.

“I can’t believe we pulled that off in time,” his friend said, her steps bouncing alongside Kurt. Kurt gave her a smile of his own, placing his free hand on her’s.

“Agreed,” he replied, allowing a little skip in his step as well. “Leave it to the Golden Boy to come through last minute.” At the mention of his nickname, Sam’s head spun around, searching for where the voice had come from. As he found Kurt’s face, he shot Kurt a grin and a quick thumb’s up, drawing a small laugh from Kurt’s throat.

Suddenly, his other arm was being linked as well, this time Kurt turning to find his boyfriend. As if synced up, Rachel slipped away, instead falling back in gait with her own boyfriend. Kurt didn’t mind, instead moving to wrap both his arms around Blaine’s.

“I know it’s not on the schedule, but I’m completely free this weekend,” Kurt said, his voice lilted in hope of Blaine also being in the same situation.

However, Blaine’s shoulders dropped slightly, which only caused Kurt’s smile to falter.

“Nevermind then,” Kurt continued, continuing their walk to the choir room. He forced himself to shake off the disappointment, not even bothering to pester the other for details. Thankfully, before his thoughts could wander, Sam had slowed his pace ahead of him, falling beside him. 

“Hey, could I get a ride home from you today?” Sam asked, taking a moment to glance behind them. “Finn was saying he wanted to hang out with Rachel, and I can take a hint.”

Kurt nodded, already knowing what horrors were likely brewing behind them. “Of course. I just have to run to the store for dinner.”

“Sounds good,” his friend replied.

As the group finally reached the choir room, his friends melded together once more. As he began to slip away into the crowd, eyeing the apple cider that was already being grabbed, the weight on his arm dropped, but transitioned into a soft grip around his hand. Turning back, he was met with Blaine’s smile.

“Love you,” his boyfriend said, giving his hand a squeeze.

Kurt’s heart fluttered in his chest. Returning the squeeze, Kurt shot the boy a soft smile. 

“I love you too.”

* * *

Frustrated, Kurt tossed his pencil aside, and instead let himself fall back onto his bed. He felt as if he had only just begun to feel better, but now it seemed as if the universe wanted to continue to chip away at his mood.

It wasn’t a sour weekend in the slightest, but it was just completely and utterly draining. It was now Sunday, and Finn had been practically AWOL for three days now. This only sent his father into a mood, frustrated that his step-son was so focused on his girlfriend rather than time at home, which meant Carole was also forced to balance both her husband’s stress and her own irritation. Kurt had made an effort to spend most of Saturday with the two, bad moods and all, which thankfully seemed to help calm nerves. However, it meant he had missed an opportunity to have a Skype date with Blaine, which only furthered his own stress.

Not that Blaine had even bothered to ask.

Not that Blaine  _ ever  _ really asked.

It was fine. They were busy, and Kurt knew he could be a bit of a higher maintenance partner than some might prefer, but it wasn’t like he was needy. He and Blaine had a lovely date just days prior, and Kurt was thankful for that. But as the days dredged on, it felt as if things were going back to how they were-- which was Kurt existing in a void.

He wasn’t even entirely sure why he was so upset in the first place-- it wasn’t like Blaine had been ignoring him (as he had a few normal text conversations throughout the weekend), or that he had the stress of classes had returned. Even with regionals on the horizon, the excitement of the competition easily won over any fear or anxiety the planning and anticipation would bring. 

Granted, he knew what the actual answer was: nothing felt right. It was almost as if there was a house of leaky faucets in his life, slowly dripping away, but if you were busy enough or didn’t care to focus, they would go unnoticed. The only telling of something being wrong would come with the monthly bill, and it was like Kurt was sitting by the mailbox, seeing the carrier making their way down his street. And instead of hiring a plumber, Kurt just sat. Waiting. In his void.

Bringing his hands to his face, his palms pressed into his eyes, just hard enough to bring stars to his darkened vision. As he let his arms drop down beside him, he slowly opened his eyes, blinking away the blur he had left in them. An urge rose to tug at his hair, but Kurt forced his hand to still, turning his head to look at where it lay clenched in mid air. He stared curiously at it, letting his muscles relax and watching as the puffy veins that had appeared began to slowly melt back into his skin.

**_You shouldn’t pull your hair,_ ** Kurt offered, quickly feeling the tether grow between them.

**_How did you know?_ ** the other responded, sounding mildly bewildered. Kurt couldn’t help but giggle, both amused and intrigued that his intuition had been correct.

**_Because I never want to pull mine,_ ** Kurt replied, turning his head back to stare up at the ceiling. 

**_You’re the one that made me stressed._ **

**_Me?_ ** Kurt said, bemused.  **_I was completely fine. Maybe slightly on edge, but it all came out of nowhere._ **

Kurt could hear a short laugh, and couldn’t help but feel a little bit better at the sound. 

**_Do what I do and take it to your therapist._ **

**_As if I have the time for therapy. Or the money,_ ** Kurt replied. In all honesty, it wasn’t a bad idea, nor one Kurt hadn’t entertained before. Unfortunately, as he had said, his schedule and finances could not align right now. If anything, he made a mental note to check in with Ms. Pillsbury sometime soon, if only for a little lighthearted guidance.

Silence fell between them, but Kurt could feel his ease setting in, as well as his bubbling stress slowly dissolving. It never got any less weird to him, but at least he could find an odd sense of comfort in that these conversations began to feel more natural to him-- both physically and as a friendship.

**_I hope I’m not distracting you,_ ** Kurt said, biting his cheek at the reminder that he had in fact distracted himself.

**_Nope,_ ** the other responded.  **_Just finishing homework._ **

**_Would you like to do mine for me?_ **

Another laugh, this time a little warmer. Kurt felt the pink of his cheeks stir. _**Not really**_ **_. But if you ever need to cheat on a math test, hit me up._ **

Kurt raised a brow at that, sitting up in his bed.  **_I never thought about that._ **

**_Had a friend that graduated, probably only because his tether chick got him through APUSH._ **

**_Interesting,_ ** Kurt said, amused.  **_I’ll keep you on speed dial, I suppose._ **

**_Not like you can get rid of me,_ ** the voice returned.

**_Fair enough._ ** Kurt’s face broke a small smile. It faded quickly, however, as a memory from the other day came to mind. He looked back at his hand, bringing it closer to his face to study it. His gaze shifted to his opposite arm , remembering the odd sensation he’d felt in the school bathroom. Tentatively, Kurt lowered his hand to his arm, rubbing his thumb against the skin.  **_Have you noticed anything else weird with this? Because the other day, when we first felt the other’s emotions, I remember feeling a chill. But it didn’t make sense to me, because I was in a warm bathroom in long sleeves._ **

The other stilled.  **_Like, a cold chill?_ **

**_I know it sounds crazy,_ ** Kurt replied quickly, ready to drop to concept at all as he realized how insane the idea sounded.  **_But it was right after we realized how affected we were by emotions. And just now, with the hair. I was wondering why…_ ** Kurt trailed off, not sure how to address all of the weird feelings he had been having in regards to the other.

**_I mean,_ ** the voice replied, sounding bemused.  **_I know it happens. But I didn’t think it was… like that. Especially so fast._ **

**_It would explain a lot,_ ** Kurt continued, mentally noting another few moments in the last few days.  **_I kept thinking that something felt familiar, and now I’m wondering if it’s just that._ **

**_A feeling?_ **

Kurt nodded, and while he knew the other could not see it, something told him that somehow, he still could. A shiver ran through him, and Kurt wondered if it had been mutual. Silence hit them again as he watched his fingers flex against his arm, his heart racing, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy as the realization of what could come next set in. Swallowing, Kurt pulled his hand away, instead resting his arms in his lap.

**_Do you want to see?_ ** Kurt asked, his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest. He had no real reason to pursue his tether, but a starved curiosity pulled at him, and he knew that if he didn’t get an answer, or at least the hope of an answer, it would just be another leaky faucet.

The other was still silent, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he couldn’t deny feeling the boy’s own curiosity, he would have worried he had been too forward and scared the poor guy off. He wondered if another aspect of the familiarity came with their own predestined similarities in personality. 

**_We can try,_ ** the other finally replied, and while the words were lacking, Kurt could sense an odd determination to do more than try.

**_Only if you’re sure,_ ** Kurt responded, his breath caught in his lungs. Sure enough, Kurt could feel the other’s nod, and his breath escaped in an airy laugh.  **_Okay._ **

Still, he hesitated. Like with every other interaction he’s seemed to have with his tether, Kurt wasn’t entirely sure what to do next, and instead knew he would have to let his instinct take him. Keeping his focus on the connection, Kurt watched his hand as he moved it back to his arm, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together nervously.

**_I’m going to pinch my arm,_ ** Kurt guessed, ignoring the fact that this entire situation and even possibility of results sounded completely out of this world to him. However, he was sure the more time he would spend with the other, the connection would continue to both flourish into something normal while also continuing to surprise him-- so is life, he guessed.

The other gave a small affirmation, and Kurt readied himself, his breath still as his hand shakily opened. Before he could second guess himself, he gave his arm a firm pinch.

Silence. A bit too long, Kurt thought.

**_Well?_ ** Kurt asked.

**_I mean…_ ** the voice started, Kurt’s shoulders stiff in anticipation.  **_I feel like I felt it. But I think it was a mental thing, because I knew you were trying._ **

**_Should I try it somewhere else?_ **

**_Maybe._ **

Kurt let out a small sigh. Maybe he was just being crazy. Maybe they both were. Nevertheless, he pulled his hand away, and instead stretched a leg out in front of him, rolling up the cuff of his jeans. 

**_Okay,_ ** he started again, poking at his leg to find slightly looser skin at the bottom of his calf. **_Ready?_ **

**_Go for it._ **

Kurt bit his lip, and pinched his leg.

More silence, but this time Kurt noticed a change in the other’s mood. As his heart began to race again, he didn’t even bother to ask the question, his physical side effects already giving him the answer.

**_By the ankle,_ ** the other said after a moment.

Kurt went tense for a moment, but eventually his muscles weakened as he collapsed into himself, breaking out into a bout of breathy laughs. His hands found their way to his face again, his fingers pressed against his temples as he looked up, a small disbelieving smile and a pair of wide eyes on his face. If he wasn’t so dumbfounded, he was sure he would have either passed out or thrown up from how much his nerves had suddenly spiked. 

This felt impossible.

**_Is this normal?_ ** Kurt asked, shaking his head.  **_Does this happen so soon?_ **

**_I-I don’t know,_ ** the voice admitted, sounding just as shocked as Kurt felt. 

Eventually, Kurt brought himself back down, but his hands continued to shake as he pulled his legs up, resting his forehead on his knees. He’d only just told those important to him about the tether in the first place; he knew there was no way he could bring himself to also explain that this connection seemed to be stronger at its core than most. He especially couldn’t mention this to Blaine, who seemed to believe that Kurt was never likely to meet this other boy in the first place. Clearly, fate had continued to work against that, and while Kurt wasn’t in any hurry to make his life any more confusing, it seemed as if the pair’s curiosity and strong connection was not about to let him rest.

He needed an outlet. He needed to solve _something,_ even if it was just a step in the right direction. For this, or anything else.

**_I guess it’s at least good to know,_ ** Kurt said, wondering if even his mental voice came across shaky.  **_Instead of wondering._ **

A shuffle on the other end. Kurt would never get used to  _ that. _

**_I… yeah,_ ** the other responded.  **_I think-- nevermind._ **

Kurt wanted to ask, but also enjoyed the rush of relief the fell across him as he realized they could simply move on. As a thought crossed his mind, however, he couldn’t help but giggle.

**_What?_ ** the voice asked.

Kurt covered his mouth, despite no other being around to watch him dissolve into laughter. It felt like hysterics, but it was something.

**_“Stop hitting yourself”,_ ** Kurt mimicked, realizing he had also said it out loud. From the other end, a pause, and then that warm, now familiar feeling flowed into his veins as the boy laughed from wherever he was.

**_Fucking hell,_ ** the other laughed, and Kurt could hear the boy’s own giggles echoing in his head. The nerves from before seemed to fade, and it was now as if the two were sat together, sharing a casual chat between friends at a diner’s counter. The familiarity again inspired more comfort in the odd circumstance, and Kurt slowly began to realize that even if he couldn’t fully understand the situation, at least he wasn’t alone.

As the pair collected themselves, Kurt brushed a gathered tear from the corner of his eye, his cheeks burning from his laughter. 

**_I should get back to my homework,_ ** Kurt admitted, looking off at the corner of his bed where his textbook laid open. As his eyes focused on the formulas, the stress from earlier danced on the edge of his memory. If he could, he knew it was time to start solving his problems-- both in math, and in his ever-changing life.

**_Would you mind helping me?_ ** he asked, already moving to pull his work closer towards him.  **_I know it was a joke, but I already am making up this class credit as is._ **

**_What, for math?_ ** the voice asked back.  **_What course?_ **

**_Trig._ **

**_Yeah, I can help,_** the other replied, and Kurt let out a sigh of relief. ** _Give me a minute, I’ll grab some stuff._**

And just like that, Kurt could feel a piece of his mind free as the other pulled away, bringing him back down to Earth. He couldn’t help but admit, even after the more tense and unbelievable moments like tonight, how much he was starting to miss the mental conversation that filled his silence, or the simple distraction of someone so uninvolved in his everyday life. As odd as it all still felt, he was finding himself genuinely happy to have it. 


	5. Chapter 5

“What do you mean you never saw Avatar?”

“Oh no,” Kurt groaned, slumping forward in his seat, slipping his head into his hands. In the seat next to him, Blaine’s look of confusion drifted from person to person, and then back to a completely befuddled Sam. Kurt peeked through his hands, knowing full well the absolute info-dump and verbal lashing his boyfriend was about to receive. The other New Directions members at the table also readied themselves, not doing much more than sighing to themselves as Blaine desperately tried to seek support.

“Look, Blaine-” Sam started, which was enough to have Kurt officially check out of the conversation, turning to Mercedes on his opposite side as his friend berated Blaine behind him. 

“Do you think we’ll ever be free from his torment?” Kurt asked, picking at a carrot on his lunch tray. 

Mercedes giggled, but her smile faded as her eyes lingered over Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt couldn’t help but wince slightly; he’d been noticing these small subtleties ever since Sam moved back, but he knew better than to pester her about her feelings. His friend seemed happy with her new boyfriend-- who the entire club approved of as well-- but there was always something in her eyes that told Kurt that there was a possibility she wasn’t letting on to her true feelings. As Sam had re-assimilated into the group, these looks only seemed to linger longer, and every one made Kurt’s heart ache.

Desperate to change the subject, Kurt wracked his brain for any bit of gossip he had overheard lately. However, as his brain fought for information, his eyes landed slightly farther down the table. Rachel sat awkwardly at the end, fumbling with her necklace as she stared down at her lunch, barely touched. Noticeably absent from her side was Finn, who Kurt didn’t even notice had been sitting across from Sam, at the opposite end.

Kurt squinted at his step brother, then back at Rachel. Both were clearly in their own heads, which spurred his curiosity. Lightly shoving his elbow into Mercedes’ side, he drew her out of her own thoughts, and nodded towards where Rachel sat.

“What do you think is up with Brangilena?” Kurt whispered, gesturing loosely between the pair. 

Mercedes simply rolled her eyes. “What isn’t up with them? You’d know better than I would.”

Kurt bit the inside of his lip, puzzled. “I haven’t really talked to Rachel much lately, and Finn’s been so busy that I’ve barely seen him since last week.”

“You think it has to do with their tether?” Mercedes asked. Kurt’s head whipped back around at her, his eyes wide in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

His friend stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. “I feel like everyone’s still kind of talking about it. You were the first to really have it, so I think it’s just on everyone’s mind.” Kurt caught as her eyes glanced back behind him, and it took everything in his power not to groan.

“Oh good,” he mumbled. He was only just starting to work out his own problems-- the last thing he needed to hear is that his new life change had spurred his friends into an emotionally charged frenzy. It had only been a week since he’d gotten his tether, so the thought of his peers putting more energy into it now than he was seemed a bit dramatic. However, that wasn’t necessarily out of their usual habits, but it wasn’t often that Kurt was the featured “zoo exhibit” of the week, so the attention was as unnerving as it was irritating.

Mercedes had pulled her attention back to Kurt, his skin prickling as she studied his face. “What’s happening with that, by the way?” she eventually asked. 

Kurt hesitated. He wasn’t ever sure where to begin on his thoughts, even if they were more at ease than they had been. Something always told him that there was a potential he was simply storing his feelings away, but that was a can of worms he wasn’t eager to open any time soon. So instead, he offered his friend a shrug, picking up a carrot to munch on.

“Nothing interesting,” he lied between bites. He was met with a skeptical look, but quietly waved her off. “Nothing  _ more  _ interesting, at least.”

“You sure? You’ve just seemed really calm about it. I thought you’d be, like, full freaking out, what with Blaine and all.”   
  
Kurt simply shrugged again. “We had a talk already.”

“And?” Mercedes said, raising an eyebrow. Glancing over his shoulder, she leaned in a bit closer, bringing her voice down to a hiss. “Are you two just keeping up appearances?”

“What, no!” Kurt exclaimed, a bit louder than he would have liked. As he looked around the table, his friends didn’t seem to have even heard him, now fully invested in defending themselves against Sam’s passion. He did, however, lock eyes with Finn, who quickly gave a small smile before dropping his gaze back down to his half-devoured sandwich. Kurt cocked his head, having watched the smile fade slowly on his friend’s face. Shaking his head, he turned back to Mercedes, bringing his voice down as well.

“We are very much still together, Cedes,” he affirmed. Sitting up a bit straighter, he cleared his throat, but his voice still low. “It’s just… it’s complicated.”

Mercedes squinted. “Seems like it.” She went to sit back up, but hesitated, then crouched down once more. “I think you guys are really great together. I hope you know that.” She paused, but Kurt knew better than to respond. “But I’ve noticed you’ve been different lately, and I just… if you don’t want to tell me anything, or tell anyone, it’s okay. But just know we’re still besties, okay?”

Kurt couldn’t help but let out a smile, reaching down to give her hand a quick squeeze and leaning his head forward to tap against hers. 

“I’m serious,” she continued, sitting back up and pointing a stern finger at him. “Anyone hurts you, and I’ll find them. Even your brain boy.” She gestured at his head, her hand waving wildy. Kurt chuckled, about to turn back to his food when a hand rested on the back of his shoulder.

Turning around, Kurt was surprised to see Finn standing behind him. 

“Hey, uh,” Finn stammered, shoving his hands in his jean pockets nervously. “Sorry. Can I talk to you?”

Kurt could practically feel Mercedes’ look beside him, but he was just as clueless as to what this was about. Nodding, he turned back around to excuse himself from the table, his eyes stilling on his half-eaten lunch. His stomach silently rumbled, but Mercedes was quick to cut into his hesitation. 

“Go. I’ll make your boyfriend grab it if you miss the bell,” she said, waving him off. Kurt thanked her, and as he pulled away from the table, she was already leaning over, hitting the side of Blaine’s arm. “Hey, you know you don’t have to talk about this. Nobody cares but him.”

As Finn led Kurt away from the table, the continued chatter from their table faded into the noise of the cafeteria, and once they were in the hall, it was dropped to a dull muffle, the cafeteria doors closing behind them. Finn was only a step or two ahead of Kurt, but he felt like he almost had to jog to keep up with him, unsure if it was simply a matter of the other’s stride or if Finn’s nerves had caught the best of him.

They pulled into an empty classroom, Finn holding the door open for Kurt as he slowly stepped in. Kurt took a few steps inside before turning around, spinning on his heels to face his step-brother, who looked like he was ready to jump out of his skin.

“I-I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Especially not mom or Burt.”

Kurt’s confusion dropped, immediately switching to concern. It wasn’t unlike Finn to confide in him, as he had always felt comfortable doing the same, but something about the other’s voice had Kurt’s nerves frayed. “Is everything okay? What’s wrong?”

Finn stilled, staring at Kurt. “I… yeah. But can you just promise not to say anything?”

Kurt raised a brow, hesitant, but he eventually nodded. “I promise.”

The room was still for a moment, but Finn finally fumbled with something in his pocket. Kurt watched as his friend slowly pulled something out, his fist clenched around it for a moment before holding his hand out for Kurt to see. Kurt took a step forward, squinting at what Finn had in his palm. Once he realized, he nearly fell backwards, his head jolting back so fast that he felt dizzy.

“You’re not.”

Finn picked up the diamond ring, holding it between two fingers as delicately as his massive hands could before dropping it back into his hand, his fist clenching closed around it once more. 

“I already have,” Finn admitted, his voice breaking.

That caught Kurt even more off guard. “Then why…” he started, trying to make sense of the situation. As he slowly pieced it together, he gasped quietly, looking back up at Finn, whose head was low. “She said no?”

“She said ‘maybe’.”

Even as shocked and confused as Kurt was, he couldn’t help but feel for Finn, his heart dropping in his chest. His mouth opened and closed in an effort to find the words to say, but he instead watched as Finn turned away from him, moving around a desk to fall into a chair with a heavy thud, the screech of metal echoing through the empty room.

When the silence continued, Kurt let out a huff, throwing his arms up slightly as he spun around. 

“Why now, Finn?” he asked, fearing the answer. It seemed conceited, but Mercedes’ words seemed to have frozen in his mind. The last thing he wanted to hear was that his own problems were causing others to sprout their own, but now it seemed as if that prophecy was self fulfilling whether Kurt liked it or not. 

When Finn didn’t answer, Kurt shook his head, near speechless. “I know you love her, but-”

“I just don’t have anything else, okay?!” Finn said, but it came out as a shout. Kurt barely flinched, and composed himself enough to walk over to where his friend was, sitting in the seat beside him. He crossed his legs, ignoring everything he wanted to say in hopes of Finn finding his own words.

Eventually, Finn ran a hand through his hair. Kurt nearly instinctively reached out to stop it, but instead clasped his hands in his lap. Finn’s hand lowered, stilling on his cheek before he let it drop to the desk. 

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Look,” Kurt started, his voice sharp. “I know you love her, Finn. But you’re seventeen. What is this going to accomplish?”

Finn raised his arms, looking around the room with a huff. “What else do I have? It’s not like I’m going to have a future after graduation anyway.”

“And getting married is going to solve that?” Kurt argued, pulling his hands apart as his knuckles began to go white. “What about college, or-”

“College isn’t for everyone,” Finn snapped.

“And teen marriage is?”

Finn went quiet. Kurt stared at him, but Finn’s head was dropped, his gaze locked on his lap. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Kurt leaned back slightly, turning his eyes to the whiteboard in front of them.

“I know you’re upset after learning about your dad,” Kurt continued, and he saw Finn’s head poke up out of the corner of his eyes. “And about losing your scholarship. But what is becoming Rachel’s purse bearer going to do for your future?”

“Give me something to actually look forward to?” Finn said, sounding exhausted. Kurt turned his attention back, locking eyes with his step brother. Pity hit him hard as he watched Finn’s eyes sparkle with cloaked tears.

Kurt’s shoulders dropped slightly as he forced himself to relax. He had been so caught up in his own life that he’d clearly missed Finn’s own struggles, and while he knew it wasn’t his responsibility to keep constant tabs on all of his friends and family members’ emotional well being, but Mercedes talking to him earlier only reminded him that perhaps he should consider checking in a bit more.

“She just makes me feel wanted,” Finn said sadly. “I don’t want to lose the one thing I actually have in my life that makes me feel worth it.”

Kurt gave another frustrated huff. “And glee doesn’t?” When Finn stayed silent, he let himself continue. “You’ve got a lot of talent, Finn. It doesn’t have to go to waste.”

“But I’m not like you,” Finn said. “Or like Rachel.”

“So?” Kurt replied. “ There are plenty of me and Rachel in the world. Trust me.” His tone softened, and if he wasn’t so afraid of setting him off again, Kurt would have reached over to lay a hand on the other’s shoulder. Finn remained quiet, but Kurt knew he was still listening. “The world needs more Finn Hudsons: the straight, hot football player who can sing, and sort of dance. You should give yourself more credit, Finn, because you’re unique.”

Kurt watched as the other quirked the smallest of smiles, only leaving as quickly as it appeared. But that enough had helped put a bit of Kurt’s mind at ease.

“I just really feel something special with her, Kurt,” Finn finally said, still sounding broken. He looked back up, giving Kurt a small shrug. “When me and you were talking about your tether stuff, it just… it made me realize that of everything in my life, she was always that one constant thing.” He paused, Kurt watching as he gathered himself. “With the whole bond… I know she might not be mine, but she might still be  _ one.  _ And I like having that, you know, a…”

“Certainty?” Kurt suggested. 

Finn nodded. And in that moment, Kurt really could understand. As he had learned over this last week, and with everything that those he cared about had said to him, life truly was about taking opportunities. Whether or not he and Blaine were “meant to be”, he couldn’t fault Finn’s logic of wanting to stick with what works in hopes of it still being a dealing of fate. The only difference was that Kurt had a plan, as up in the air as it was-- Finn didn’t. Not anymore, if ever at all.

“Let’s work on finding something, then,” Kurt said after a few moments. Finn looked up at him again, his gaze soft but his muscles tense. Kurt waited, holding his friend’s stare as he watched his face begin to relax. Finn ended up looking back away, but Kurt’s eyes remained trained. 

“There’s always going to be more for you, Finn,” he continued. “And maybe you and Rachel will continue on, walking hand and hand into sunsets for all of eternity. But I don’t think that it should stop you from the rest of your futures. And I think, with everything going on, the last thing you both need is the stress of a next step, especially one as big and as serious as marriage.”

The room fell silent again, but the air was noticeably less thick between them. Kurt could tell the conversation had come to an end, and slid himself from his seat, standing back up. 

“It’s a beautiful ring, though,” he added, heading back towards the classroom’s door.

“Hey,” Finn said, which caused Kurt to pause his steps. He turned back around to stare at his step brother, who gave him a small nod. “Thanks.”

Kurt gave a small noise of affirmation, then pulled the door open to leave. However, as much better as he felt leaving his step brother with his advice, it dawned on him that perhaps he should learn to take it himself-- perhaps his comfort was just that, and the reason Kurt could handle his sprung leaks was because they were the least of his problems.

* * *

Blaine slipped a plastic package into Kurt’s hand. “I stole an extra before leaving lunch.”   
  
Kurt grinned, raising the sprinkled brownie to his nose, able to smell the cheap chocolate through the packaging. “You’re my hero. Just promise to still love me when I gain my Freshman Fifteen.”

Blaine laughed, watching as Kurt held the treat between his teeth as he finished stuffing the rest of his books he needed for the evening into his bag. Closing his locker, he dropped his bag back to his side, and pulled the brownie from his mouth, tearing it open eagerly. The pair began to make their way down the hall towards the school’s exit, working their way through the throngs of students also happy to be leaving for the day.

“What did Finn want to talk about?” Blaine asked.

Kurt was mid-chew, and gave a small noise as he finished swallowing his bite. “Graduation stuff,” he lied. “College applications and the like.”

Blaine didn’t seem any bit skeptical, pulling out his phone. “Did he apply to NYADA?” he asked, flicking open his screen.

Kurt focused back to his brownie, tearing off another small piece and popping it into his mouth. “Not at all,” he said, muffled. “He doesn’t think he could get in. I don’t think he’s giving himself enough credit, but at the same time, with how long it has taken to hear back about my status, I don’t blame him.”

Blaine made a small, general noise, and Kurt glanced over to see him mid text. Kurt couldn’t make out the contact, but looked away regardless. They were silent for a few paces, and it was only when they reached the front doors that Blaine looked up again, shocking his phone back into his pocket. 

“You haven’t heard anything?” he asked.

Kurt shook his head, gesturing for Blaine to follow him to where he had parked his car in the lot. “No one has. I’ve been checking all the forums in hopes of someone getting a letter. There’s a rumor floating around that they were sent out this week, but no one knows for sure.” As Kurt finished speaking, he waited for Blaine to say something, but the other was silent. He looked back over only to realize that Blaine had stopped walking a few steps before, his head downturned at his phone again.

“Don’t tell me Sam is still on you,” Kurt said, amused. 

Blaine was silent for a few seconds, typing the last words of a message out before looking up at Kurt. “Huh?” he asked, but Kurt watched as he slowly processed his question. “Oh, no,” Blaine continued, and opened his bag to drop his phone inside. “Sorry. My mom. She wanted help planning dinner.”

Kurt hummed, turning back around after Blaine had caught back up to him. “She should text me more. I’m sure that family can only take so many pasta recipes,” he teased, bumping Blaine with his shoulder.

“That’s what I tell her,” Blaine smiled. The two reached Kurt’s Navigator, and as Kurt pulled out his keys, Blaine was already stepping forward to place a kiss on his cheek. “I’m going to go meet her at the store. See you tomorrow?”

“Oh,” Kurt said, but flashed a small smile in return. “Of course. I love you.”   
  
“Love you too!” Blaine said, throwing Kurt a quick wave while already turning away. Kurt watched him walk away for a few moments, shaking off the twinge of disappointment. It wasn’t that they would hang out for long after school, but Kurt was still mildly upset about being left on read all weekend. He knew it was simply a matter of weird timing, but he made a mental note to call his boyfriend later that night and check in.

Sighing, Kurt clicked the unlock button on his car.

* * *

As it turned out, keeping Finn’s secret was harder than he thought. It certainly didn’t help that Finn had spent the entire evening staring Kurt down, enough that eventually Carole had to call him out on it. Kurt was quick to swoop in with an excuse, and while Finn played along, it was clear that his mother was not so keen on believing them. Kurt was thankful that Burt had already returned to his career in Washington, because he wasn’t sure his own father would be so quick to let his suspicions drop.

“You’re not subtle, you know,” Kurt had hissed in the hallway after dinner. “Maybe something you have to keep a secret from everyone isn’t a good idea.”

Finn had simply glared at him, but didn’t say much else.

The next day at school hadn’t been much better, but Kurt chalked it up to the fact that he was now the only one of his friends to know what was going on behind the scenes. The rest of the New Directions had claimed months ago that they were over the constant drama of Finchel, but Kurt had heard enough whispers and jokes to know that his friends were all still the gossip mongrels they’d always been.

**_Why is high school always so dramatic?_ **

**_Tell me about it,_ ** Kurt heard with a laugh.

Wednesday drained him, and as Thursday morning came, Kurt basically had to drag himself from his bed. He’d seen last night that his morning coffee date with Blaine had been hijacked in the New Directions group chat, so what he had planned to be a rather quiet morning was about to be quite the opposite. 

Sure enough, as soon as he stepped foot in the Lima Bean, he could already hear Santana chewing into Rachel from across the room. 

“Great,” Kurt mumbled, catching eyes with Artie, who happily waved him over to the group. 

“I see you’re all caffeinated already,” he said, thanking Blaine as his boyfriend handed him his usual order. Blaine scooted over on the couch, allowing Kurt the space to plop down beside him. 

“We were just talking about our favourite iconic artists we’d like to pay tribute for at regionals,” Artie explained, gesturing to Rachel, who already looked irritated. “Barbra Streisand has already come out, in record time it seems.”

“Just one day, I’d love to be Streisand Free,” Santana snarked. Blaine and Kurt both shot Rachel a pointed look, but she simply huffed in return. Kurt sipped idly at his coffee, silently praying that the air between the two girls wouldn’t carry on into the rest of the day. He knew the chances were slim, but he couldn’t imagine Rachel was in any position mentally or emotionally to be able to ward off Santana’s insults.

“Well I still think Michael is a great choice,” Blaine offered, looking at the others for support. Artie eagerly nodded, and Santana threw out a hand towards him like ‘see?’, which Rachel rolled her eyes at. 

“I have to be honest, I never really got him,” Rachel admitted, which drew even Kurt from his mocha-laced haze. 

“Don’t talk to me,” Artie said, throwing up a hand in her face.

“Rachel, what are you talking about?” Kurt said, stunned. 

Rachel threw up her hands in defense, fumbling for an excuse. “Listen, I think he is an amazing performer, but I never really got what he was about.”

“I will throw down in this cafe, Berry,” Santana said.

Rachel kept her hands up in an attempt to diffuse the situation. “While I don’t understand him, I can appreciate your passion, so I think with that he would be a great option for Regionals.”   
  
“That might not be the best idea.”

The group’s heads turned collectively at the new voice, and Kurt felt his eyes practically roll out of the back of his head. Sebastian Smythe stood beside Artie, having suddenly materialized from whatever layer of hell Kurt assumed he had just been visiting, coffee in hand. 

“Hi Blaine,” Sebastian said with a smirk. His eyes loosely passed over everyone else, not even bothering to linger for a moment on Kurt. “Hello, everyone else.”

Kurt could feel his grip around his coffee tighten, and forced his hand to relax before he completely destroyed the cup. “Does he live here or something?” Kurt muttered under his breath, which did earn him a quick glance from the Warbler.

“Why is that a bad idea?” Artie interjected. Kurt already suspected the answer with how Blaine suddenly seemed to be shrinking beside him, and shot his boyfriend a look out of the corner of his eye.

“Because we are already doing MJ at regionals,” Sebastian explained. Every time his snarky smirk graced his face, Kurt could feel his hate for everything the boy stood for bubbling to the surface, and wanted nothing more than to tear that smile off with his bare hands. Unbothered, Sebastian continued as Blaine continued to slowly crumble beside Kurt. “Warblers drew first position, so as soon as I heard what your plans were, I changed our setlist accordingly.”   
  
“I’m sorry,” Rachel said quickly, sitting a bit higher up in her seat. “How did you hear?”

“Blaine told me,” Sebastian answered with a grin. 

All heads whipped around to look at Blaine, and Kurt had to set his coffee down before he accidentally chucked it on the floor. Next to him, Blaine had turned his face away, looking everywhere but his friends’ furious faces, and pointedly away from Kurt’s gaze.

“When I called him this morning for some advice on how to clean red wine from my blazer, he would not stop going on about it,” Sebastian continued, practically staring holes into Blaine.

“I may have mentioned it,” Blaine admitted, just barely above a whisper.

Kurt cocked his head at that, glancing back at Sebastian for a second before squinting at his boyfriend. “How often do you two talk?” Kurt asked, his voice sharp.

“Oh, hi Kurt,” Sebastian said in a lilted, sing-song tone. “I didn’t even recognize you in your boy clothes.”

If it wasn’t for Santana jumping in, Kurt would have leapt off of the couch and started a brawl in the coffee shop. He was never one for violence, but something about how the Warbler drilled into his brain had Kurt wanting to drop his morals. He knew he could be jealous, but even with someone like Blaine, this was more to do with how Sebastian seemed to represent everything Kurt hated in someone, more than anyone Kurt had ever met. Of course, his constant efforts to steal Blaine away only added to his frustration, and with the news that the two had perhaps been more friendly with each other than Blaine had previously led on was a point of concern.

His thoughts dashed back to the other day, Blaine’s nose buried in his phone after school. Kurt had thought his boyfriend was being weird, but when he had called him later that evening, he had asked and Blaine had assured him that nothing was out of the ordinary. He trusted Blaine enough to believe that, but with Sebastian involved, Kurt couldn’t help but wonder what Blaine considered being unimportant, and if that helped him remain truthful.

“Here’s what you guys should know,” Sebastian said, Santana sitting down from where she had stood up to yell at him over the last minute. Kurt hadn’t heard what had been said, but raised a brow at her, knowing she wasn’t necessarily one to back down without reason. 

“I’m captain of the Warblers now, and I’m tired of playing nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a bit of spring cleaning to do with some plots around Kurt and canon! I actually had to split this chapter because some canon issues were making it a bit long, so hopefully the bit of a cliffhanger doesn't leave you all wanting for too long, haha


	6. Chapter 6

Shortly after Sebastian had left through whatever hell portal he’d spawned through, the five had agreed to keep the Warbler’s plans on the down-low until they’d had a chance to survey the competition for themselves. It was a monumental effort to keep the group’s knowledge a secret from the rest of the Glee club throughout the day-- Rachel had a big enough mouth as is, but that combined with Santana’s utter need for drama, and Blaine’s clear loose lip-policy regarding anything to do with Sebastian Smythe, Kurt and Artie had spent most of the day exchanging glances as they waited for the world to fall around them.

Thankfully (though to Kurt’s irritation), Blaine received an official offer from Sebastian to visit the club after school had let out, which they quickly accepted. As the final bell let out, they gathered once more, Kurt and Rachel both having successfully dodged Finn with a quick text, and piled into the back of Kurt’s Navigator. Blaine had been in no rush to fight for the front seat, which Kurt was thankful for, because he wasn’t sure if his patience for his boyfriend would continue when faced with the inevitable traffic-filled drive to Westerville. Instead, Santana sat beside him, offering the distraction of possible setlists through her DJ-ing of the radio.

As Kurt pulled the car into the school’s parking lot, a sharp copper taste hit his tongue, only then realizing he’d been biting his inner lip. The gang slipped out of the car and into the parking lot, where they were met with confused smiles and stares before one by one, separate students recognized both Kurt and Blaine, shouting their greetings and offering passing shoulder grabs.

“This is some Children of the Corn bullshit,” Santana snided somewhere over Kurt’s shoulder.

“This really makes me understand Blaine more,” Kurt heard Artie whisper back, and had to stifle a laugh. Even with his own fond memories of Dalton, he had to agree that it was a bit of a cult atmosphere-- especially the Warblers.

Kurt held a thumb to his lip, checking it to make sure the bleeding had stopped, which he was surprised to find hadn’t. From beside him, Rachel gave him a concerned glance, which he would have chosen to ignore if it wasn’t for his already fretting self.

“I don’t even know,” he lied, forcing a chuckle. “Sebastian’s voodoo doll, maybe.”

The group made their way through the halls, echoing with the chatter of lingering students excited to head home, and the soft clack of pairs and pairs of dress shoes against marble and wood. What once would have been a nostalgic walk only fueled Kurt’s blooming anger more, knowing that now his good memories of his time here and his relationship with Blaine were being tainted by Sebastian’s presence. He wasn’t one to hold grudges, and knew that in a few years he would likely be able to write all of this off as nothing more than high school drama, but for the moment he allowed himself the selfish hatred of a particularly slimy, potentially boyfriend-stealing Warbler.

Blaine lead them around a corner towards the Warbler’s meeting room, and Kurt could already hear the faint sound of acapella rolling out of it. Sure enough, the choir had seemingly just started a practice number, and as the five made their way into the room, Sebastian wasted no time in pulling focus, the clear featured soloist.

Immediately, the Warbler was all-eyes on Blaine, completely avoiding any and all acknowledgement to Kurt’s existence. They were drawn further into the room, and Kurt made his way to the arm of a nearby sofa, sitting firmly on it as he kept his eyes locked on Sebastian. The boy’s voice, which was normally grating to Kurt’s entire body and soul, was admittedly smooth and clear, and only then did he realize that this was turning out to be a solid performance.

_ Great,  _ Kurt thought to himself. He forced his attention back to eyeing the other down, even as he remained completely invisible to both him and Blaine. The pair seemed to be in their own world, and Kurt couldn’t help but feel like he was on the other side of a screen-- watching, but not really partaking. Something about the energy being exchanged swept Kurt’s anger aside, and he couldn’t help but worry if he was perhaps more sensitive to the situation because it was something he had only recently grown to learn from.

He would have never openly admitted to himself or anyone else that Blaine and Sebastian had chemistry, because as far as he could tell, they didn’t-- even if that was simply due to his own bias on the situation. But something about the current moment, and how every moment with them seemed to be, Kurt couldn’t help but wonder if there was truly something else going on.

_ Is he cheating on me? _

**_Huh?_ **

Kurt’s eyes went wide, shocked by the sudden interruption to his thoughts.

**_What?_ ** Kurt asked, the world around him fizzling in the background.

**_Did you not ask me something?_ ** the voice asked tentatively.  **_I thought… sorry._ **

Kurt blinked, unsure of how to respond. He’d clearly been so lost in his thoughts that he’d mistakenly slipped into his tether “zone” without realizing.    
  
**_Sorry,_ ** Kurt apologized quickly, trying to shake his own energy back into reality.  **_No, just got distracted._ ** Before the other could answer, Kurt closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ground himself. As the song seemed to fade back into Kurt’s realm, he opened his eyes to find the Warblers singing their final words before the song cut off to a close, the last notes echoing in the wide room and down the hall. Unfortunately, they were good.

They were  _ really  _ good.

“Look, if you guys want to forfeit now, go ahead,” Sebastian offered, his mouth pulled into a cocky smirk. Again, he barely addressed the others, let alone Kurt, and instead pulled his attention back to Blaine.   
  
“Or Blaine, if you want to rejoin the group you abandoned,” he continued, gesturing to the group behind him. As if rehearsed, a few of the Warblers stepped aside, making a Blaine-sized space between them. Kurt looked between the emptiness and Blaine, and for a moment Kurt could see something flash across his face. A twinge of guilt hit his own stomach, and he couldn’t help but wonder just how often Blaine thought back on his decision to transfer, and leave the school he so clearly still had a complicated relationship with.   
  
After a few moments, Blaine stepped forward, and Kurt watched in horror, genuinely terrified that his boyfriend had just been convinced to rejoin the group. However, Blaine shook his head, stopping a few inches in front of Sebastian’s feet. 

“I used to be really proud to be a Warbler,” Blaine started, his voice pointed. Kurt’s hollowness in his stomach eased, but his breath remained still. From across the room, he made eye contact with Santana, whose brows were pulled into a tight glare, though her face laced with both concern and confusion. 

Blaine continued. “Not because we were good, but because we were really classy.” A pause. “None of that was classy.”

As Kurt watched his boyfriend turn away from Sebastian, the other’s face twitched, and for just a mere moment Kurt watched as the boy was suddenly humbled, the genuine hurt hitting his face in a flash before it was quickly covered once more with a snarky smile. Kurt’s eyes lingered on Sebastian’s face as he walked past, only turning away as he mistakenly made eye contact. He thought the five of them could slip away without much else, but true to Sebastian, he wasn’t about to be left without the last word.

“Any opinion from thrift store Rachel Maddow?”

Kurt rolled his eyes, spinning back on his heels. 

“I really think Blaine said it all,” he replied, gesturing behind him towards his boyfriend. “If you want to sell sex, maybe try to expand from the discount rack at Ross.”

Sebastian smirked, giving a small nod in Blaine’s direction. “Your boyfriend seems to think it’s fine when shopping alone. I think you’re holding him back from what he  _ really  _ wants in his performances.” As if Kurt would have missed it otherwise, he watched as Sebastian gave a pointed, dramatic wink between the couple. Kurt felt his breath catch in his throat; he had to commend Sebastian for his deep cuts. He wasn’t done, however, which completely caught Kurt off guard.

“Maybe you should put more focus into your side piece, Elton.”

Kurt froze in place. Behind him, he could almost feel Blaine’s own soul leave his body in a rush of cool air. Santana thankfully stepped in, but Kurt could not even be bothered to listen to her slew of insults as he turned to look at Blaine, who stood staring back at him with wide, apologetic eyes. 

The last thing he needed was Sebastian Smythe knowing about his tether. The boy already had his grasp on Blaine, and as much as Kurt wanted to trust his boyfriend, the tells were there that perhaps-- no, a definite-- that Blaine was giving the Warbler’s advances more thought that Kurt thought was necessary. Now having this to work under Blaine’s skin, Kurt could only fear the worst. 

Especially seeing Blaine’s clear guilt strewn across his face.

The group turned away, and as they walked back out through the marbled halls, the distance between him and Blaine went on for miles, while their hands lay just mere inches apart. Something kept him from keeping pace with the other three, and instead he found himself slowed, his and Blaine’s footsteps becoming softer as the hall was emptied, eventually coming to a stop. Kurt could hear his breath, deep and icy as he willed himself to turn to Blaine, tears already threatening to break on his waterline.

“Why would you tell him, Blaine?” he said, his voice cracking. 

Blaine remained quiet, shaking his head softly as it hung low. 

Kurt shook his head back, biting his lip. “You know how I feel about him, and what he’s doing.”

“He’s my friend, Kurt,” Blaine shrugged, his voice just as caught as Kurt’s. His brown eyes began the glisten, and Kurt watched, his face warm as he tried his best to hold his emotions together.

“Why?” Kurt asked, his fists clenched at his sides.

“I…” Blaine started, struggling for words. Kurt’s ears rang as his heartbeat increased, the world around them fading away as all of his focus went into waiting for Blaine’s response. “I like how he makes me feel. I don’t know.”   
  
“Are you seeing him?”   
  
“What?” Blaine said, his brows furrowed.   
  
Kurt swallowed, pointing a finger back in the direction of the Warbler’s choir room. “Are you cheating on me with Sebastian?”   
  
“No!” Blaine exclaimed, causing Kurt to flinch. Blaine seemed to notice, and lowered his voice as Kurt shakily dropped his hand.    
  
“We just talk,” he started to explain, but Kurt couldn’t hold back a scoff. Blaine rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up. “I don’t know what you want me to say. We talk as often as you and I do, and it’s nothing but family friendly.”   
  
“From Sebastian?” Kurt rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, from Sebastian,” Blaine snapped back. 

Kurt wanted to turn away. He wanted to trust Blaine, but as dumb as Blaine liked to play, he knew deep down that anything Sebastian was saying was likely far from some innocent conversation between friends, even if it was laced behind the gauze of platonic friendship to Blaine’s face. It was clear from the start that the Warbler had eyes on Blaine, and had even told Kurt directly that his intentions were to win his boyfriend over-- and it wasn’t that Kurt hadn’t voiced his concerns already, and seemed to be moreso that Blaine was playing naive. Or at the very least, simply liked the attention. Kurt’s jealousy would remain in any situation where his boyfriend was being pursued or flirted with, but he certainly wouldn’t feel inclined to call cheating over something he thought was Blaine simply enjoying being fawned over. Whatever this was, there was more to it. 

Blaine interrupted his thoughts, crossing his arms across his chest as his head dropped again, giving Kurt another shrug. “He understands what I’m going through.”   
  
Kurt flinched again. “With the tether?”   
  
“With being lonely,” Blaine said. Kurt’s mouth parted in question, letting out a confused scoff as he cocked his head. Blaine looked up for a moment, catching Kurt’s eyes before looking away, throwing his hands back down. 

“I don’t fit in at McKinley, Kurt,” Blaine explained. “I wanted to be with you, so I transferred and thought maybe I would be able to feel at home there. But I just… I feel like an outcast. And that’s not how I felt at Dalton, so having friends at Dalton helps me feel less alone.”   
  
The guilt hit Kurt in a massive wave, practically knocking him off his feet. “I didn’t want you to transfer for me.”   
  
“You made it hard for me to say no,” Blaine confessed.

Kurt couldn’t even argue. Another wave struck him, and he was forced to turn his head away, wiping a tear from his cheek. It took a few moments for him to collect himself, but he eventually let out a shaky breath. “I wish you would have told me.”

“I didn’t think.”

Silence fell between them again. In the distance, an echo of group laughter rang through the halls, the only noise besides their soft sniffling.

“I just wish it was anyone else,” Kurt said softly.

Blaine looked away. In the back of his mind, Kurt felt a tickle, but forced it away. The silence continued, but Kurt knew the group would want to find out where they’d gone as soon as they’d reach the car, and didn’t want the others to see them as they were. And at this rate, Kurt could say all he could without dragging it out.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt apologized, his heart heavy.

Blaine faced Kurt again, studying his face for a moment with soft eyes before giving Kurt a small smile, though it faded quickly, which had Kurt immediately stung.

Sure enough, Rachel’s head poked around the corner of the hall, and the pair quickly wiped away the last of their tears as they noticed her presence. She clearly had caught this, and hesisted, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to look anywhere but at them directly.

“Santana is hungry,” she said, which told Kurt all he needed to know. Nodding, he turned away from Blaine, and began digging through his pockets for his keys. The couple began making their way down the hallway once more, the canyon of energy between them seeming even grander than before.

* * *

“Clearly ‘once a Warbler, always a Warbler’.” 

The rest of the New Directions had not taken lightly to Blaine’s very open friendship with Sebastian, which at least was a mild comfort to Kurt’s own sour feelings on the subject. Even with the cheating worries pushed to the side for now, the issue now lied in Blaine fraternizing with the enemy, which would have been moderately fine if Sebastian were not ten times as sly as Jesse St. James was.

Kurt sat back as his friends aired their concerns. He and Blaine had yet to talk much again last night, and hadn’t even made an effort to acknowledge the other outside of just a few moments ago when Blaine had slipped wordlessly into the empty chair beside him. There was more to say on the subject of Blaine’s feelings, both on McKinley and Sebastian, but as the conversation had shown the day before, Kurt could only pry so much before Blaine had to address the fact that he wasn’t opening up to his boyfriend, and as much guilt as Kurt had knowing he had apparently manipulated Blaine into a situation he was uncomfortable with, he was just self-caring enough to realize that Blaine had also put  _ him  _ in a situation that he had already openly addressed his concerns about.

As Mr. Schue announced a Michael Jackson themed week in Glee, Kurt checked out of the meeting, much to his own despair. Even the king of pop himself had turned to nothing but an additional stress, now only reminding him further of just how much distaste he had for one Sebastian Smythe and the drama that followed. 

_ Just another thing he wants to take from me,  _ Kurt mused, silently rolling his eyes as he looked off to the side of the choir room. As he forced his thoughts to ease, fearing another boil over, the pull at the back of his mind returned.

**_Spying on me?_ ** Kurt asked.

**_Couldn’t think straight,_ ** the voice responded, though Kurt noticed the hesitance behind it. 

Sitting up a little in his seat, Kurt squinted slightly.  **_Is something wrong?_ **

**_You just sounded clearer._ **

Kurt’s mouth went agape, and glanced at the rest of the room quickly to be sure he wasn’t caught by another in the room. Thankfully, everyone seemed drawn to the conversation at hand, the room buzzing with excitement as something was suggested. 

**_You mean you can hear my voice?_ ** Kurt asked, trying to focus. He hadn’t noticed anything different, but perhaps he wasn’t paying attention.

**_Not anymore,_ ** the other explained.  **_I think you just caught me off guard. I don’t know._ **

Kurt let out a sigh, running his fingers through his bangs. He stopped halfway through, rolling his eyes as he pulled his hand from his head. This was growing to be his least favourite side effect from their connection. He quickly fixed his hair back into place, and set his hand back in his lap, making a point to clasp it with the other.

**_You’re the one that’s been wanting to pry._ **

**_Did I say something wrong?_ **

Kurt sighed again, letting his eyes close for a few moments.  **_I’m sorry. You just keep catching me at a bad time._ **

**_I’m sorry,_ ** the other apologized.  **_Hope it gets better._ **

**_Thank you,_ ** Kurt replied. He was about to slip away from the conversation, but as he was thoroughly uninterested in whatever was going on in glee, he held onto the feeling. Even in the silence Kurt appreciated feeling the other’s presence, and for a moment his mind wandered back to Blaine. He had felt this loneliness last year when he’d met Blaine, and now the other was seemingly going through something similar-- albeit bullying free. But as Kurt began to struggle with his own life again, he could at least accept that the moments like these where he felt like he had someone that understood him were hard to come by, and he couldn’t fault his boyfriend for that.

Even if it is Sebastian.

Kurt made a face to himself.

**_Apologies in advance for any Michael Jackson you’ll have stuck in your head the next few weeks._ **

**_What’s that supposed to mean?_ ** the other said after a moment. Kurt could hear a faint chuckle alongside it.

**_My friends like to hyperfixate,_ ** Kurt replied.  **_It will unfortunately be my lifeblood until the end of the month if they have anything to do with it._ **

Another laugh.  **_What a weird choice._ **

**_It’s a whole thing. When you’ve got an entire free weekend, maybe I’ll run you through it._ **

**_I’ve got nothing better to do, so I’m down whenever,_ ** the voice replied.

Kurt couldn’t help but let out a short, quiet laugh. He looked back over towards the front of the room as Mr. Schue waved his hands around, explaining something of unimportance to the club. From in front of him, Finn was turned to look at Blaine, but as Kurt turned forward, his step brother caught his eyes. Kurt let his tether slip, at least feeling a bit more grounded, and cocked his head at his friend. Finn shot him a questioning look, but turned back around, pulling his phone out.

A few moments later, Kurt felt a buzz from his bag as Finn glanced back over his shoulder, clearly trying to quietly signal to Kurt, but doing it so obviously that Artie glanced over at Finn as well, then around to Kurt before staring forward again.

Kurt felt like he’d rolled his eyes for the hundredth time in the last day, but pulled out his phone, curious as to what Finn wanted from him now.  
  


> _ FINN HUDSON: are you ok?  
>    
>  _

Kurt held the phone in his hand, squinting at the screen before replying back.  
  


> _ Just don’t care about this Michael drama right now  
>    
>  _

Kurt watched as Finn received the message, and quickly typed something back.  
  


> _ FINN HUDSON: rachel said she saw you and blaine fighting  
>    
>  _

Great.  
  


> _ Much like her, you should mind your business  
>    
>    
>  _
> 
> _ FINN HUDSON: you just seem out of it. wanted to make sure you were ok  
>    
>    
>  _
> 
> _ I’m fine _

As Kurt put his phone on silent, making a point to shove it back into his bag, he caught Artie’s eyes wandering to Finn’s hand, where his step brother was still looking at the conversation, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. Annoyed, Kurt gave the back of Artie’s chair a soft kick, and the other turned forward, immediately realizing he’d been caught snooping. Kurt let out a huff, knowing the last thing he needed was somebody else poking around in his personal dramas. He wished he could say he needed less nosey friends, but if his tether conveniently popping in every so often was any hint to a trend, he clearly was destined to be surrounded by prying eyes. Granted, even as irritating as it was, Kurt couldn’t help but admit he wasn’t necessarily guilt free himself. And at least they cared, even if just for the gossip.

Kurt spent the rest of glee zoned out, focusing more on mindless doodling to feign note taking for the rest of the group. As the period came to a close, Kurt watched as Blaine practically booked it out of the room, excitedly babbling along with Mike and Artie about the plans they had made for later that night-- from what Kurt had gathered, the opposing clubs were going to meet for an appropriately dramatic sing-off, the thought of which Kurt absolutely dreaded.

Putting away his things, Kurt stewed at the thought of having to see Sebastian eye-fuck his boyfriend for the second time in forty-eight hours. Finn was lingering as the rest club parted, all heading to make their next class. He stood awkwardly near the piano, and subtlety not being a familiar word in Finn’s dictionary, Kurt stood up from his seat, heading straight to his step brother.

“What now, Finn?” Kurt said, exacerbated. 

For a moment Finn tried to play dumb, but Kurt’s solid stare wore that charade down quickly. The taller boy shrugged, taking a quick look around the room, which was empty aside from Mr. Schue rummaging through sheet music in the far corner. “I just wanted to make sure you’re actually okay,” Finn said, his voice low. “I know you don’t really like to talk about anything, but you’ve been really nice to me and stuff, so I wanted to at least return the favor.”   
  
“I didn’t think being family was about trading favors,” Kurt replied, raising a brow.

“You know what I mean,” Finn said. Kurt was taken aback by how serious Finn sounded suddenly, and hesitated before nervously readjusting his bag’s shoulder strap.

“I know I’ve been kind of focused on everything with Rachel,” Finn continued, and Kurt noticed the boy’s hand hovering over his jean pocket.  _ He still has the ring,  _ Kurt thought to himself, cocking his head slightly as he forced his attention back to the other’s face. “And as much as I like Blaine and all, you come first. So I just want to make sure you’re not…”   
  
The other paused, and Kurt shook his head, and offered a smile, which felt more solemn than he probably would have liked. “I don’t know what’s going on. But I’m okay, I promise. We just need to talk.”

Finn studied him for a moment before giving a small, curt nod, followed by a signature sideways smile-- which Kurt noted was also a bit more melancholy, which was an odd comfort. From across the room, Mr. Schue dropped a box on the ground to sort through, bringing the pair back to the world around them. Finn turned his head, looking at the clock on the wall, practically jumping in his skin.

“Crap, I forgot I had to run to Coach Beiste,” he said, and Kurt waved him off, receiving a brief tap on the shoulder before the other skittered away, leaving Kurt alone at the instrument. He really wished he could simply skip to the weekend, avoiding any and all drama the group was bound to face later that night, as well as any awkward encounters with Blaine Kurt would have to endure in the hours leading up to it.

Kurt took a deep breath, weighing his options for a moment before he pulled his bag off his shoulders, setting it on top of the piano before walking over to where his teacher was nose-deep in music books.

“Do you need any help?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah, I guess. Free period?” Mr. Schue asked, turning his head to look up at Kurt.

“Nope.”

His teacher chuckled, gesturing Kurt over. “Help me re-alphabetize these and I’ll write you a note. I think Coach Sylvester’s been in here again.”

* * *

Kurt had spent the entire period rifling through piles and piles of books and loose leaf sheets of paper, just as befuddled as his teacher as to how one woman could have done so much organizational damage in what seemed to be overnight. As lunch fell, the two were still surrounded by now slightly more organized piles, but were saved in both hunger pangs and mental disarray by the appearance of Ms. Pillsbury, who happily split her own lunch with Kurt before digging into the mess herself. By the time lunch had passed, the piles were neatly stacked into appropriate boxes, and Kurt’s own mind felt slightly more organized now that his thoughts and worries had been temporarily shoved away.

The rest of the day went by faster than he expected, never more thankful to not have shared a grade with his boyfriend, thus sparing him any awkward looks from across classrooms, and let himself continue his distracted thinking by focusing on the few classes he had left. Only at the end of the day did he text Blaine, letting him know when he would be heading back out to the agreed Sing Off location later that night.

Kurt was prepared to have to beg Finn to drive for him instead, not wanting to deal with yet another long drive south, but thankfully by the time Kurt was trying his best to hurry Sam out their front door, Finn’s hand was already outstretched, and Kurt happily slipped his keys into the waiting palm.

“I’ve never done a sing-off before,” Sam said, practically bouncing with excitement in the middle seat. “You think there’ll be a band?”   
  
Kurt stared up at the rearview mirror, making eye contact with the boy. They were nearly to their destination, but Kurt’s nerves had gotten the best of him, and even acting as the map navigator had not been enough to distract him from the fact that he was terrified to face Sebastian again, let alone witness more of his interactions with Blaine. Appreciating the sudden conversation, as ridiculous as the topic was, he opened his mouth to answer Sam, but Finn spoke first.   
  
“I mean we haven’t either. But maybe?”

Kurt glanced between the two, then settled his eyes on Finn. “We’re meeting at a mall parking garage, and they’re an acapella group.”

“So like, what? More acoustic stuff?” Sam asked.

“Oh my god,” Kurt muttered under his breath, turning back to face forward. His eyes dropped back at his phone, realizing they were nearly to the mall. “Take the next exit, Finn.”

“What’s even up with this Sebastian guy anyway?” Sam asked. Kurt glanced back up to the mirror, but his friend was staring out one of the side windows. From beside him, he could see Finn glance over at him, the implication prickling the hair on Kurt’s neck. 

Again, at least they cared.

“I thought the Warblers were cool with you and Blaine.”

“They are,” Kurt replied, turning his attention back to his phone, watching as the little car graphic slowly drifted off the highway and into their exit. “Turn left.”

Sam was quiet behind him, clearly waiting for Kurt to finish. Kurt huffed quietly, looking out his passenger window. “He just likes to rile us up. We had the same issue with Vocal Adrenaline a few years ago.”

“That James guy?”

Finn scoffed, which drew a small smile from Kurt as they pulled around the street corner, the darkened mall just off in the distance. Clicking off their navigation, Kurt held his phone in his hands as Finn made his way down the street, eventually bullying into the empty parking lot, save for a few scattered cars with a few hooded figures. If Kurt didn’t know the clubs plan ahead of time, he would have assumed the three of them were about to be jumped. If anything, he could always count on his friends to play heavy into the dramatics.

As they pulled into a space, Kurt could make out Blaine’s face in the faint light of the lot’s scattered lamps. They slipped out of the car wordlessly, though were greeted with excited smiles and pats on the back as the three melded into the rest of the group. Kurt slipped closer to Blaine, offering a timid smile that the other returned.

“You ready?” Blaine asked, shoving his hands into his jacket’s pockets. Kurt hesitated, but eventually nodded, tugging at his gloves. It suddenly felt much colder that he’d thought it would be.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” he admitted.

Blaine pulled his hands back out, taking Kurt’s fingers into his palms to warm them up. Normally Kurt would have appreciated the gesture, but it felt forced, nor were Blaine’s hands even much warmer than his. 

Santana snapped her fingers, and as everyone’s attention was drawn, the group formed a small semicircle around her. Blaine’s hands disappeared from Kurt’s as he moved forward to stand beside the cheerleader. Mercedes appeared next to him in his place, her arm lacing through his quietly. He glanced down at her, and got a small, warm smile back, which instantly helped his muscles relax.

“We’re not here to mess around,” Santana started, her voice sharp. “If these assholes want to take our songs from us, they’ll have to put up a fight, and I’m not about to lose to a bunch of losers in pediatric loafers. You hear me?”   
  
There were a few exclaimed agreements from the club, but most simply nodded. 

“When Santana gives the signal,” Blaine said, and gestured back to Santana as she loudly snapped again. “You guys can move in. We want this to be a fair fight, but if we can give even a little bit of surprise, it might shake them.”

“You really think they won’t know?” Mercedes whispered into his shoulder, and Kurt had to stifle a giggle as his friend let out her own quiet chuckle. 

Her comment unheard by anyone but Kurt, Santana and Blaine broke off from the group, the rest of the club following a ways behind as they made their way up into the parking garage. Mercedes was still latched onto his arm, but had given Kurt enough lax to walk comfortable beside her. As they reached the second level, Blaine turned around ahead of them, letting them know to stop. The group did as they were told, backing against the concrete wall as they sat waiting for Santana’s cue.

Something rolled in the pit of Kurt’s stomach, more than his anticipated nerves. He slipped his arm from Mercedes, instead crossing his arms on his chest. The last thing he needed was the blackmail of throwing up in front of Sebastian, as well as the embarrassment to his friends. His fingers were still ice, and he shoved them into the pits of his jacket. 

“Are you okay?” Mercedes whispered, her hand gently resting on Kurt’s upper arm. 

“I just have a really bad feeling about tonight,” Kurt said, keeping his voice down. Puck seemed to hear him as well, however, and glanced back over his shoulder. Kurt caught his eye, and the other boy held his gaze for a moment before squinting, turning back to look up at where Blaine had disappeared.

“I just feel like Sebastian is planning something,” he continued, swallowing nervously.

“I don’t think he’d do anything dangerous, Kurt,” Mercedes said slowly, but her tone was still that of caution.

“I know,” Kurt admitted. He didn’t expect the Warbler to do anything at all, really. He didn’t like him, nor did he trust him any more than he could throw him, but something about what Kurt was feeling was more than any nerves or established dislike. Something in the air was changing. Something that Kurt couldn’t put his finger on. Something cold. “I don’t know.”

Suddenly, a snap echoed from the path above, and the New Directions gave one last look at each other before heading out. Kurt noticed Puck seemed to always be just two steps ahead of him, even as they rounded the corner, coming out to face the Warblers, who stood in unison in front of the gathering students. And with that, their friendly competition kicked off.

Kurt tried to allow himself to be lost in the music, but was constantly feeling thrown off as various members of the club were slowly noticing his hesitance one by one. At one point Kurt was stepping around Blaine, who seemed completely lost in the moment, and didn’t make any sort of acknowledgement to him at all. Instead, his eyes were trained on another Warbler-- Jon, if Kurt remembered right. Kurt felt as if he was a ghost simply passing through his frame rather than an actual physical being as Blaine’s gaze went through him as he sang.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Puck, who had stumbled out of his dance as his attention was drawn to something off to the side. The other boy’s eyes searched, eventually landing on Kurt’s, and went wide before he nodded his head to the side.

From then, everything went in slow motion. He saw the flash of white and red as he was suddenly face to face with Sebastian, who was turning around with it in his hand. There was no time to process it, the only reaction being one that Kurt had ingrained in him for the last four years. It was childish and humiliating, and as much as he knew he was about to suffer physically, it was at least proof that Sebastian Smythe was no more than some rude, immature high school bully. As Kurt braced himself, he went to dodge the attack, but then there was a hand on his chest, pushing him away completely. 

As he tried to catch himself on his feet, he turned to see Blaine hit the concrete floor, his boyfriend’s face and clothes dyed a bright cherry red. As the boy crumpled into the ground, he let out a yell, which caused both groups to freeze. Kurt was instantly on his knees, reaching for Blaine’s hands as they desperately scratched at his face. But then Blaine yelled again, writhing on the ground as Kurt did his best to comfort him. Kurt barely noticed the Warblers stepping back, disappearing into the garage as the rest of the club gathered around the two wordlessly.

“Blaine, don’t rub it in,” Kurt said swiftly, still trying to pull the other’s hands away. His boyfriend continued to curl up, his entire body tense as Kurt began to realize something else was happening. His fingers brushed at a clump of slushie that lingered on Blaine’s jacket, and he had to tear his hand away, the cold sting of ice feeling more like a burn.

“Kurt,” Santana said, her voice flat. Kurt looked up at her, Blaine still writhing and shouting below him, and followed her gaze to the trail of slushie moving away from Blaine, and the small bits of solid shards scattered through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to split this chapter in two but it would have just been ridiculously large, LOL. Just a bit more of plot spring-cleaning, some sneaky setup, etc. Return to more tether emphasis in the next part ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another longer delay, but another long chapter! Michael, as it turns out, is NOT a fun episode to work with, mostly because of how much there is to get through. Hope you enjoy this wrap up, though! The next chapter is a special one, and if timing allows, I should be back to posting an update every week. Thank you for reading, and for your patience!
> 
> As a refresher, telepathic conversation is in bold italic.

Much like the last few weeks, the thought of sitting through classes was absolute torture, but he knew better than to jeopardize his already fragile GPA with any bouts of playing hookie, especially with NYADA finalist letters being shipped out any day now. Instead, he found himself sitting with a bouncing leg through most of the day, taking every opportunity to take a bathroom break when he could. He’d managed to get out of his current English class without much issue, pacing back and forth through the empty theater, the scuff of his boots muffled by the dingy carpet.

He hadn’t been able to contact Blaine much at all after the initial hospital day, and instead had relied on staying in constant contact with his mother, who continually assured Kurt that Blaine was doing fine and was simply knocked out from his painkiller cocktail most of the weekend. Even still, Kurt wanted to be there with him, especially after witnessing just how much pain the other had endured. The visit to the emergency room ran heavy in the forefront of his thoughts, Blaine’s pained screams from the parking garage still echoing in his head days later. After learning his boyfriend’s cornea was scratched, Kurt’s anger at Sebastian returned, only this time fueled with such genuine rage that Kurt felt like he was about to explode.

He wasn’t stupid; he knew that Sebastian had intended to throw the tainted slushie at him. The moment played in a loop in Kurt’s head, forced to watch as his boyfriend continuously fell to the floor with a yell. At first Kurt’s concern had been lighter, but as his boyfriend had continued to wail, Santana pointed out the small, sharp shards among the icy syrup, and everyone’s caring response turned to that of worry. Blaine was now injured because of Sebastian, and whether he meant to or not, his obsession with getting back at Kurt had now completely backfired, and done possibly irreparable damage to the person the Warbler allegedly cared so much about. As enraged as Kurt was, the spite of knowing that Sebastian was at least somewhat hurting was something he held onto as a positive.

As he continued to pace, he found himself aggressively tugging at the roots of his bangs. Letting out of a huff of annoyance, Kurt practically threw his hand down, ready to snap at his tether, but had his chance immediately cut off as the back of his head buzzed in frustration.

**_I don’t even want to know what you’re so worked up about, but can you chill?_ **

Kurt’s arms went up, a gesture to no one but the empty theater seats.  **_Maybe you should learn to block me out._ **

**_I’d love that,_ ** the voice snapped.  **_But you know that’s not how this works._ **

**_Perhaps some anger management. I really don’t have time for this._ **

**_Yeah? Neither do I_ ** , the other replied. The harshness in his tone drew something from deep within Kurt, and he knew very well that the statement was unfinished, meaning Kurt’s five minute escape from class was about to turn into a complete period of it’s own.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Kurt turned back around, but barely got a few nervous steps in before he was interrupted again.

**_Can you stop pacing? Jesus._ **

That stopped Kurt dead in his tracks-- not because it surprised him, but instead quite the opposite. 

**_Can you stop pulling your hair every time you’re stressed?_ ** Kurt asked, his voice prickled with irritation. He turned towards one of the empty theater seats, plopping into it with a thud, the screws on the side groaning at the impact.

**_It’s just a habit._ **

**_It’s a horrible habit,_ ** Kurt replied.

**_I don’t care,_ ** the other said. There was silence for a moment, and Kurt let another sigh, his hand once again reaching for his head. Biting his lip, Kurt jerked his hand away, but as it quickly lowered, a sharp pain hit his joints.

“Fuck!” he shouted, shaking his hand as the sting radiated through his hand and up to his shoulder. Grasping it lightly with his other hand, Kurt rubbed his knuckles for a few moments, only realizing that the buzzing from the back of his mind had suddenly gone into a silent stillness. He looked up with a squint, staring at the empty stage as he prodded his mind again. He could feel the connection return, but the other remained silent, though Kurt could pinpoint a faint shuffling-- from where, he wasn’t sure.

**_Did you hit something?_ ** Kurt asked. He looked back down at his hands, which with his current level of dulling pain should have been reddened by whatever caused the impact, but instead remained a pristine pale.

It took another few moments from the response, but eventually Kurt could hear a sigh before the other spoke.

**_Edge of my desk,_ ** the other said.  **_Sorry._ **

**_Are you okay? That hurt even me._ **

**_It’s fine,_ ** the other responded. His voice was still laced with frustration, but Kurt could tell that the ruffled feathers had subsided, even just a little bit.  **_Just been a long weekend with all this._ **

Kurt hesitated, rolling his injured hand in the other’s palm. He wasn’t about to explain his situation again for what felt like the hundredth time in the last 72 hours, but he figured he at least owed a little bit of insight to his mental partner, even if just to protect his own reasoning. It was clear their tether was in no rush to subside, so it was on Kurt to be a bit more conscious of how he was reacting to everything-- not only for his tether, but clearly, also for himself. He always hated how quick he was to lash out.

**_I’m sorry,_ ** Kurt apologized, his gaze dropping to his lap.  **_There was an accident this weekend, and it’s been stressful._ **

**_Is everything okay?_ ** The other asked. His genuine tone with the question was not unheard to Kurt, which he found helped his anxieties lessen, even just a small amount. The harsh, drilling buzz from before had faded, and now it felt closer to having a conversation with someone in the seat beside him rather than through a busted payphone. Kurt let out another, softer sigh.

**_Hopefully,_ ** Kurt replied. 

**_I’m sorry. Can I do anything?_ **

The question caught Kurt off guard. Their connection, as real as it felt in his head-- and in the occasional radiating hand pain-- still felt like just that: in his head. It still hadn’t entirely set in that this was in fact a real person who could actually affect Kurt’s real life. He had almost completely settled on Blaine’s valid statement of him possibly never meeting, or rather, knowing that he had met his tether. But the other offering his help in this moment drew back the feeling from the first night that this was something that was actually happening, and with someone who was real. However, instead of the initial fear of what was to come, that feeling of having another sitting beside him was comforting. Kurt looked to his right, because while he was certain he was alone, the presence of the other was so tangible that he could almost reach out and touch his shoulder. In the back of his mind, a flash of red blinked across his vision, in a memory that was gone before Kurt could grasp what it was.

Kurt stared at the empty seat, the pain from his hand slowly fading away, but was lingering enough to draw Kurt out of his thoughts.  **_No, but thank you,_ ** he finally responded, pulling his gaze back to his lap. He flipped his palm over, staring at the lines in his hands.  **_Maybe work on the hair tugging_ ** , he added.

From the back of his head, a soft chuckle echoed.  **_I’m telling you, it’s a habit. I don’t know how you_ ** **don’t** **_do it._ **

**_I like to internalize my stress, and then release it during a vigorous session of Zumba._ **

Another soft laugh, this time leaving Kurt feeling a bit warmer.  **_Maybe try therapy before you have a heart attack._ **

Again, it was a valid suggestion, and one he should probably finally listen to. Kurt gave a small nod to himself, pulling his phone from his pocket to make a small note in his calendar.  _ *Ms. P -- meeting.* _

**_Maybe,_ ** Kurt replied.

They fell silent once more, and Kurt sat staring blankly at his phone’s screen, even after it dimmed to black. The guilt of constantly affecting the other’s life returned, and while they both knew that there wasn’t much they could do to control it currently, it was just another thing Kurt continued to worry about, which in turn only dragged his mental health further down. While he could admit to a lot of the world simply handing him a series of unfortunate developments, he silently hoped that taking the beginning steps to sort out his own problems would spread out-- especially to his tether. Knowing his first impression was that of him being a complete and utter mess was doing absolutely no good, whether or not they decided to continue the connection.

As Kurt noticed his nerves had cooled, he couldn’t help but admit that their growing bond wasn’t something he wanted to necessarily give up, even if it was selfish of him. The other seemed to know how to deescalate him with such ease, and while he knew that the science of the tether could explain how well they were supposed to work together, something still rang familiar with him. Whenever something was left unsaid, Kurt could still hear it, and as much as he loved to talk, he knew he was quite guilty himself of letting the silence speak for him.

However, he knew that he had a responsibility to continue.

**_I’m sorry things have been so difficult lately,_ ** Kurt started, still staring down at his darkened phone.  **_I appreciate how patient you’ve been with everything. It can’t be easy._ **

**_It’s okay. Really,_ ** the other replied.  **_I know how it feels, trust me._ **

Kurt wanted to believe it, and almost could with how at ease the other seemed to feel, but the worry of the other being secretly tired of him continued to pry. He hasn’t felt anxiety like this for years, even through everything he went through last year with his father, and with his drama with Dave. He thought he’d conquered his worries of being forgotten or unwanted had faded when he’d gotten with Blaine, but for whatever reason they’d only seemed to worsen-- even before Sebastian made an appearance.

**_I just don’t want you to resent me,_ ** Kurt continued.  **_Even if we break the tether, I’d hate to think that I was just some negative energy in your life. Obviously that’s completely my own fault, so I’m going to work on it-- mostly for me, but also for you, and people around me._ **

Kurt sucked in a breath, knowing that he’d have to make a decision. As much as his tether helped him, he didn’t want to use whoever the other was as a crutch that could cool him down when he needed it. It wasn’t fair to him, and it wasn’t fair to the others in Kurt’s life that he was slowly pushing away. Especially Blaine.

**_I don’t know how well it will work, but do you think we could break for a week or so?_ ** Kurt asked. He wasn’t sure how plausible it was, given how strong their connection was, but at the very least, if they were both actively trying to ignore the feeling, Kurt could perhaps focus on dealing with his problems on his own, without having to drag the other’s emotions around with him.

**_Yeah, of course,_ ** the other replied. Kurt’s shoulders relaxed as he slumped into his seat, letting his head fall back against the cheap plastic and padding. 

**_Thank you,_ ** Kurt said, closing his eyes. That presence beside him remained, but instead of questioning it, Kurt let himself enjoy the warmth.  **_I don’t know if it will work, but trying can’t hurt._ **

**_“Whatever you need.”_ **

Kurt opened his eyes, whipping his head to the right. He could have sworn he heard the answer  _ outside  _ of his head. Though just as he’d last seen it, the theater remained empty, the chair beside him still occupied by no one. Chills drew up his arm and down his back, causing him to shiver. He now understood how the other had taken a pause when he’d claimed to hear Kurt’s voice. He wanted to mention it, but decided against it, not wanting to press their conversation further.

As the hair on his arms settled, Kurt clicked his phone’s power button, cursing to himself as he realized he’d been out of class much longer than he’d anticipated. His teacher wasn’t too strict, but this was now the second time in the month that he’d skipped most of her class, and he knew no matter their demeanor, any teacher would be upset by a student abusing their laid back restroom rules. Kurt let the connection fade, and as he stood up to leave his seat, he couldn’t help but take one more glance over his shoulder at the empty seat beside him. 

* * *

After two days of nonstop questions about how Blaine was doing, Kurt decided that his best bet for any sort of peace would be working around his usually social lunch period, opting to pack something from home to sneak away into a classroom while his other friends ate in the cafeteria.

He’d also spent the last two days trying to suppress some of his more extreme reactions to his situation-- he would cry when he needed, or get angry and upset, but for the most part, Kurt tried to stay aware of just how much emotion he was putting into things, and how he could be putting in a bit more logic into finding solutions to his ongoing problems. He knew there was not much he could do for Blaine now; his boyfriend was resting alone at home, having now responded to Kurt’s occasional texts so he could stop pestering his mother for updates. He’d had the honest discussion with his tether to hopefully work around their strong connection, and for the most part it was seemingly working. If Kurt found himself needing to feel strongly, he made a conscious effort to pull his mind away before his thoughts wandered into what he was now referring to as his “Tether Zone”. He still very much felt the pull, but didn’t feel so bothered by it-- whether that was something from the discussion itself or simply how he had become more accustomed to the feeling, he wasn’t sure. Either way, he hadn’t heard from his tether since, nor had any adverse side effects.

Having more control over his thoughts now, Kurt was now choosing to focus on ways to enact his revenge on Sebastian. It wasn’t as productive as he would have liked, and had instead turned to him doodling stick figures of him brandishing an axe or throwing an angry looking Sebastian into a pit of alligators, but it was something surprisingly therapeutic, despite how useless it was turning to be.

As the sound of footsteps entered the room, Kurt looked up to find Santana stepping through the door, a set of textbooks clutched loosely to her chest.

“What are you doing?” she asked, walking over to where he sat at the table. She set down her books lightly, then pulled out the chair across from him, sliding into it.

He looked at her for a moment before shrugging, shaking his head as he dropped his pen onto his open notebook. “Trying to come up with a plan to deal with Sebastian that isn’t a guillotine”

“Sounds like a bit of your past life as Marie Antoinette is coming back to help you out,” Santana said, amused. Her eyes glanced down at the notebook, and he happily pushed it over to her, watching as she flipped through the few pages of doodles. “These look fun.”

Kurt sat up in his chair, crossing his arms in front of him. “I agree with what Artie said in glee the other day: I’m tired of being stepped on,” he admittedly, his voice breaking slightly. He forced himself to take a deep breath, closing his eyes for just a moment before letting it out. Looking back up at her, he shook his head again. “I’ve taken a lot of crap from a lot of people, but I refuse to take it from Sebastian.” He gestured down to the notebook. “In an effort to stop the flames from shooting out of my face, I’m trying to make a list of ways to get back at him. Obviously that’s not working.”

Santana still seemed amused, but her face noticeably softened as she looked back up at Kurt. She crossed her own arms on the table, leaning forward on them gently. As catty as she could be, Kurt enjoyed these quieter moments with her, as sparse as they were. He could never defend her joy for bullying, but at the very least, she always tried to show she cared, even if her methods weren’t quite typical. He certainly didn’t have a perfect track record of kindness either, but the fact that she was even bothering to listen to him showed how much she’d grown over the last few years. And for that, he appreciated her.

Santana waited patiently for Kurt to continue. He swallowed, dropping his gaze down to the table. 

“After what he did to Blaine, I was so…” he hesitated. He didn’t even know  _ what  _ he felt, other than pure, white hot rage. It was something he’d never experienced before, something so raw and violent. It scared him. After biting his lip briefly, he continued. “I really wanted to hurt him. But I know that’s not me. I fought against violence at this school for so long. I have to set a good example for others, and for me.

Kurt looked back up, pulling his arms apart, laying his palms down flat on the table in front of him. “But I also can’t just sit back and secede, and I feel like if I don’t do anything I’m just going to snap. I’m overwhelmed enough as is.”

Santana stared at him for a moment, studying his face. Kurt watched as her brows furrowed slightly, and he wondered what exactly was going through her mind. Eventually, she let out a soft laugh, sitting back in her chair. “First of all, you couldn’t hurt anyone if you tried,” she started, her hand loosely gesturing to him. Kurt let out an amused huff, nodding to himself. “Second, you’ve always been a bit of a sly inspiration for me. It’s not too often Auntie Snix can say that she’s intimidated by the confident, very gay threat of someone who knows how to use their mind to get what they want.” 

It was Kurt’s turn to study her, his brow quirking up. It certainly wasn’t something he expected to hear from anyone, let alone the Queen of Sass herself. He also wasn’t sure if he  _ should  _ be taking it as a positive comment, but on the other hand, it was admittedly a proud achievement to have. “That’s quite a compliment,” he replied.

“Sure is. Now listen, you and me?” she said, pointing between the two of them. “We’re going to work together on this Sebastian drama without any violence. I’m sure with our two heads together, it’ll be no time before we find a solution that doesn’t include kidnapping him and shipping him back off to whatever slimy planet he crash landed from back in the 60’s.” 

Kurt gave her a small nod, his mouth twitching in a chuckle he kept in.

“And then afterwards, we can work on you,” she continued. Her tone had dropped, more serious than her lighter, jaunty digs from moments before. It was unusually warm for her, but the offer was genuine-- and with it, Kurt could feel one of his many weights baring from his shoulders. “I don’t make it a habit of helping people, but I figure with how supportive you’ve been of me despite how much shit I’ve put you through, I owe you one.”

She offered Kurt a small smile, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. Kurt felt like he could breathe a bit more, giving her another agreeable nod. She cocked her head in return, leaning forward on the table again, and stared back down at the notebook before sliding it back to Kurt’s side of the desk.

“What do you think it would take it for him to confess?” she asked.

* * *

With the weight of “Sebastian’s Revenge” off his shoulders, now instead a well conjured plan to obtain a recording of him over the weekend, Kurt genuinely felt a bit lighter as he walked. The week had slipped from him between catching up on school work and making time to see his friends, and as the bell rang on this Friday afternoon to end the school day, Kurt was relieved that he was another day closer to wrapping up at least one of his issues. 

True to his word, he hadn’t heard anything from his tether since their conversation Monday. He had to admit that it was a bit sad, because as the last few weeks had passed, he had appreciated the company. Even just as new acquaintances, the other did feel like a genuine friend, and he felt fortunate to at least have a connection with someone who did really seem to understand him. 

It was nice.

Though, with one new friend on the backburner for the time being, Kurt had enjoyed the last few days of his current school friendships, including his new partnership with Santana. He’d finally laughed for the first time since last week at lunch earlier in the day, which turned into the rest of the hour being filled with jokes and giggles. It was a welcome break for a lot of the club, not only Kurt, and it reminded him just how much he loved his small found family. 

He’d missed out on his usual Thursday date with Blaine due to the other having to deal with a switch in medication, but thankfully the two had arranged for Kurt to visit tonight. Trying his best to avoid traffic, Kurt had practically ran from the school grounds, sending his father a quick reminder that he wouldn’t be home until later, and began his drive out to Blaine’s house.

Now in a better mood, what was once worry for Blaine now had more of a genuine excitement to see his boyfriend. While they still didn’t text much over the week-- Blaine now down an eye and pumped with various pain meds-- things had calmed down on his front, and the treatments for his eye had seemingly been working, which was one less thing to worry about. They wouldn’t know the full damage for another two to three weeks, but the boy had remained in good spirits about it as much as he could, which helped Kurt’s nerves tremendously.

After being let in by Blaine’s mother, he made a quick conversation with her and his father before he made his way to Blaine’s room. As he pulled open the door, Blaine was sat in bed, in what Kurt assumed was his new daily uniform of pajamas, completed with a brand new eyepatch over his right eye. The sight was unexpected, and suddenly quite comical.

“Hey,” Blaine greeted him with a grin, sitting up a little straighter in bed and placing his phone he’d been on next to him on the nightstand.

“Hey, Jack Sparrow,” Kurt smiled. Blaine rolled his eyes as Kurt stepped in, walking over to give his boyfriend a hug and a light peck. He held up a plastic bag he’d been carrying, which had a few styrofoam cartons inside. “You said you hadn’t eaten lunch yet, so I brought you some Chinese food from that place you like down the street.”   
  
Blaine made a low, guttural moan at the sight of the food, immediately taking the bag from Kurt’s hands. “My mom made meatloaf a few days ago, and I think if I had to have it one more time, I’d ask to go back to the hospital.” He separated the boxes, handing Kurt one of the cans of Diet Coke from inside, and discarded the bag to the floor before popping open his own box. “Thank you, this smells delicious.”

Kurt held his smile, placing his food on his lap. “How are you feeling?” he asked, tearing open his bag of utensils.   
  
“Well, not in much pain anymore, thank god,” Blaine said, already happily digging into his chicken. “Just on doctor’s orders to rest, so as much as it’s driving me crazy, I’m trying to make the best of it.”

“Have you heard from Sebastian?” It was a touchy subject to bring up, and pained Kurt to do so, but he was curious as to if the Warbler’s friendship was as genuine as he wanted it to seem. Blaine seemed to hesitate, but eventually shook his head.   
  
“Not since Saturday, when I ignored his message,” he admitted, which drew a silent sigh of relief from Kurt. The pair fell silent after that, the only noise for the next few minutes split between their eating and the distant noise of the television out in the living room. After a while, Blaine spoke again, stopping to wipe his mouth with a napkin. “How are you doing? How’s school?”

Kurt stopped eating as well, though his own dent in his food not nearly as much as Blaine’s. He set down his fork, finishing his bite as he reached for his soda. “It’s hard,” he said, cracking the tab and taking a sip.

“School?”

“Everything,” Kurt said, setting his can on the night stand. “I still just feel so overwhelmed lately-- everything from schoolwork to glee, to friends, to my tether.” He stopped himself, waving an apology. “I don’t want to complain, I’m sorry. It’s just petty issues.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine replied, gesturing for Kurt to continue. “You know, you don’t really talk about your tether. Not a lot, I mean.”

“I haven’t really understood how to,” Kurt admitted. And it was true: as much as he and Blaine had come to an understanding, it was still an awkward situation to be in, let alone with the issues it brought to Kurt himself.   
  
“What do you mean?” Blaine asked. He’d set down his own fork, giving his full attention to Kurt.   
  
Kurt stared back at him, his thoughts working slowly into place. “I know when we were first talking about him, I mentioned that I couldn’t explain how much my perspective on what it meant had changed,” he started. “And as much as I’d like to say that it’s remained that way, instead we now just have even more questions.”

“About what?” Blaine asked. He seemed to sit up a little more, making Kurt realize he was actually interested in the conversation. Before, he’d seemed to have been rather distant, acknowledging Kurt’s mentions but never asking for any clarification or information. But now his boyfriend seemed invested, which helped Kurt’s long standing nerves on it all.   
  
“We don’t know if it’s normal or not, but our tether seems to be really strong right now,” Kurt explained, watching Blaine’s face for a moment before looking down at his food as he continued. “There’s not a lot of information about it, and while a lot of the time it seems like it could just be us navigating it for the first time, there seems to be something more.”   
  
“Like?” Blaine pressed. Kurt sucked in on his cheek, unsure of how to word it. His hesitation seemed to spark concern in Blaine, because the other spoke again after a few quiet seconds passed, his voice lowered. “Whatever it is, Kurt, you can tell me.”

Kurt waved his hand, shaking his head quickly, and shot Blaine an apologetic look. “It’s not like that. It’s just hard to explain. We can feel each other’s emotions. Well,” he stopped, squinting as he looked past Blaine onto the wall. “He can feel mine. He fortunately seems to be having a much easier life than I am. I’ve been so stressed, and whenever that starts to boil over, it affects him. He will feel anxious or upset, and because of it, it starts to become this never-ending circle of emotions rising up.” He finished with a shrug, Blaine once again watching him. His eyes were less wide, and were more studying as he stared at Kurt.

“I’m assuming you’ve talked to him about it,” Blaine said, staring blankly. Something about the switch in looks drew on Kurt’s unease, but he brushed it aside, dropping his gaze.

“We’re more aware of it now, so we agreed to take a step away from each other,” Kurt said. “We know we will always be tethered, whatever our futures hold, but for both our sakes, I needed the distance for a little bit in order to deal with other things without pulling my hair every three hours.”   
  
“You hate touching your hair.”   
  
Kurt laughed softly. “I know. It’s a side effect from the emotions --his instincts roll over, and vice versa; I was pacing the other day and it was driving him mad.”

“That’s interesting.” Blaine said. When Kurt looked back at him, his face was still unreadable, but as his boyfriend clearly watched Kurt’s sudden flare of concern well up, his expression changed, switching back to a softer, wide-eyed look. “I’m serious, it’s kind of cool. Obviously it’s annoying right now, but I wonder if everyone is like that,” he mused, his voice light.

“It’s at least pretty common, if Hollywood has anything to say about it,” Kurt said, chuckling. “Given my only in-person reference to tethers is my dad, chances of me asking him to test my theories are slim to none, unless this year wants to add ‘the rising ghost of my dead mother’ to my list of troubles.”

Blaine let out a small laugh of his own, and Kurt watched him as he turned back to his food. Kurt stayed motionless for a second, then rolled his shoulders before letting himself slump in his chair, returning to his food.

“I might just have to turn to movies, since I’m clearly only going to get any sort of information from fiction,” he added, picking at a piece of broccoli. “Next thing you know I’ll end up moving into an apartment below him in New York.”   
  
“We should rewatch that,” Blaine said, stuffing a forkful of rice into his mouth.

“I’ll have to find my DVD.”

They ate in silence for another few minutes, leading to Blaine completely finishing his meal. He reached down for the discarded bag, shoving his trash inside before he settled back against his pillow, waiting for Kurt to finish his own meal.

“There’s really no one else you can talk to?” Blaine asked after a bit, reaching back for his phone. “I can ask my dad for specialists if you need someone.”

Kurt shook his head, swallowing. He took another swig of his soda, and deciding he was already rather full, closed his food up, setting it carefully on the nightstand. “Thanks, but we really can’t afford anyone right now, what with college and graduation,” he explained. Blaine nodded, occupied on his phone. It wasn’t often that their clear difference in financial situations came up, but Kurt couldn’t help but still feel awkward about it. Thankfully, Blaine wasn’t someone who tried to flaunt it, and rather it was simply an unknowing naivety that Kurt had to get used to when situations like these came up. “I am going to talk to Miss Pillsbury soon, though. Just for some general advice, but I know she and Mr. Schue have been tethered, so I could use some insight on that from someone who’s had the experience.”

“I think that’s a good idea. I know you can get in your own head sometimes, and read too far into things,” Blaine said, looking up from his phone. He gave Kurt a small smile, which Kurt happily returned. Their eyes remained locked for a few moments before they both looked away, a buzz coming from Kurt’s jacket pocket. He pulled out his phone, noting a text from Rachel asking if Blaine would like more visitors.

“It looks like our date night might be crashed,” Kurt said, tapping out a reply to his friend. 

“That sounds like a message from Rachel Berry if I’ve ever heard one,” Blaine said, amused. He shrugged, dropping his phone back into his lap. “Why not.”

* * *

Kurt pulled open the front door to his house, shoving his keys back into his bag before closing the door behind him. “I’m home!” he called into the darkened home, following the light around the corner towards the kitchen.”   
  
From behind the dining table, Burt looked up at him, shooting him a welcoming grin. “Hey kiddo.”

“Is Finn not back yet?” Kurt asked, pulling his bag off as he walked over to where his father was standing. “He said he wasn’t hanging out with Rachel tonight, but his truck isn’t out front.”   
  
“Nah, he was home earlier,” Burt answered, shrugging with his hands. “He stopped by after dropping Rachel off to change. Said something about seeing some football friends of his.”

Kurt nodded, realizing he’d overheard his step brother mention something earlier in the day, which had completely gone over Kurt’s head. Dropping his bag onto the table, he moved to shrug off his jacket before stopping, noticing his father was standing behind a neatly placed envelope on the table in front of him, turned out to Kurt. “What’s that?” he asked, squinting at the letter.

“Don’t know,” Burt said, leaning over to slide the envelope across to Kurt. “But I figured I’d wait til you were home to let you find out.”   
  
As Kurt leaned forward to pick up the envelope, his hand stilled over it, seeing the letterhead in big bold letters, addressed to him. “NYADA,” he said, breathless.

His eyes were locked on the letter for a few moments before he picked it up. He knew what it should feel like, but something about the envelope felt much heavier to Kurt. He looked back up at his dad, who looked just as nervous as Kurt suddenly felt. His heart began to race, tightening his chest. He held the letter up, almost staring at it in disbelief. He’d been fretting so much over Blaine this week that he hadn’t had much time to even think about the finalist letters much more than a passing thought.

“This is it,” he said, not much more than a whisper. He held the letter out to the side, feeling helpless in the moment. This  _ was  _ it. “This is one of those crossroads in life. Whatever this letter says will determine whether I go left or right.”   
  
“And I’m with you no matter what it says,” Burt assured him, standing tense. His fingers were clasped around the top of one of the dining chairs, looking like they were about to snap the wood at any moment.

Kurt couldn’t bear to watch his father as he opened the letter, and instead turned around, taking a deep breath before tearing the top of the envelope open. With a shaky hand, he pulled out the paper inside, letting the envelope fall to his feet as he opened the letter. Closing his eyes as he grounded himself, he took another deep breath before opening them, forcing himself to start from the top of the message.

“Dear Mr. Hummel,” he mumbled, his voice trailing off as he read through the letter. When he finally read it, his breathing stilled completely, and he turned back around, tears already building in his eyes.

“What,” his father asked, already on the verge of tears himself.   
  
Kurt shrugged, his face breaking into a smile as his first tears began to fall. “I’m a finalist.”

In an instant, his father was around the table, practically lifting Kurt off his feet as he shouted in joy. Kurt cried out as well, burying his face into his father’s neck as he was nearly spun around the dining area. He hadn’t felt such complete and utter joy and relief in what felt like months, his wide grin already hurting his cheeks.

Everything was finally falling into place.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super quick POV change-- I debated including this chapter at all, but I felt it was a bit of a necessity for the last bit of information I needed to get out before things started falling together. Will return to Kurt next update.
> 
> If you don't vibe with Santana, you're totally free to skip this update, but I will say that this was super fun to write, and allowed me to explore a bit more of both the behind the scenes info that Kurt's POC misses, as well Santana's start to her involvement with Kurt, and Sebastian's "off screen" development. (Both will also slowly become regular side characters in the story, similar to Finn, because of their direct ties to Kurt and Dave)

Santana wasn’t nice. She knew that just about as much as anyone else fortunate enough to have her in their lives knew. But she  _ was  _ caring, so when she’d seen how beaten down Kurt was, she knew she wouldn’t forgive herself if she didn’t at least try to help a friend out. And it was true, what she eventually confessed to him-- he was there for her when she needed support after her outing, and as annoyingly “Cheesy Pride Parade” as he’d turned it into with his gremlin boy toy, she did appreciate that he cared, especially after everything she’s done and said to him the last few years.

Even still, she also knew that a lot of wanting to help him was because of how absolutely irritating Sebastian was, and how she wanted nothing more than to wipe the floor with his smarmy, conceited, Twink Skeletor face. She didn’t even like Blaine all that much, but having attacked one of her own in such a cheap way, she wasn’t about to let his actions slide.

She and Kurt had sat for the rest of that Wednesday’s lunch period coming up with the perfect plan to get the Warbler back, and if Santana had anything to do with it, get his ass committed straight to the nearest juvenile detention center even his white, rich private-school family couldn’t bail him out of. She’s seen kids taken in for less, and she wasn’t above doing what she could to absolutely destroy that kid’s life.

It was a little dramatic, but what was she if not someone who gave it her all.

In the end, as much as she and Kurt had tossed around the idea of heading down to the Columbus zoo to pick of a truck full of lions to unleash onto Dalton grounds, they’d decided on a bit more of a spy movie approach: Santana was going to head to the school under the grounds of confronting Sebastian, and using her own sly pull, get him to confess-- all while hiding a secret tape recorder under her shirt. If she knew anything, it was that getting any sort of recording was an absolute source of proof, and she had no problem believing that Blaine turning it in while pressing charges would be the best sure-fire way to their revenge.

After pulling a few favors from Artie (and how weird was he to already have a collection of cheesy spy gadgets), she’d headed back to Westerville Saturday morning, wired up and ready to corner a certain squirreled face loser. According to Blaine, the Warblers had a tradition of holding an extra meeting on Saturdays, which Santana was fully ready to storm into, knocking over all the Kool-Aid bowls in her path. 

What she  _ wasn’t  _ expecting was to be forced into yet another sing off, and damn, she thought  _ her  _ fellow club members were stupidly obsessed with sorting out all their problems via off-broadway musical numbers nobody cared about. Luckily for her, as much as she absolutely despised him, Sebastian was at least a man of taste, leading the pair of them into a completely over-dramatic spitfire duet of Smooth Criminal.

She hated to admit it, but it  _ was  _ surprisingly fun. If she didn’t hate him so much, he’d be a nice match for her, both vocally and with his snappy insults (which, damn were they funny).

As the song finished, a smile was stretched across her face as she was practically nose to nose with Sebastian. “I was better,” she said matter-of-factly. 

“You weren’t even close,” Sebastian replied, turning and walking away before she could continue. 

Santana rolled her eyes, already moving to chase after him. “I was better,” she repeated, her heels clicking on the floor as she struggled to keep up with his pace. “Now tell me the truth- what did you put in that slushie?”

“Rock salt.”   
  
As the admission fell from his tongue, Santana’s heart had jumped in her chest. She’d done it! Silently she prayed that Artie’s recorder had actually been working the entire time, but if she was right to assume it was, she’d actually caught the asshole on tape! Her smile returned to her face, though just a quirk on her lips to not give her secret away.

“But it’s okay,” Sebastian continued, which only pushed her annoyance further.

“Why is it okay? I just told you that Blaine had to have surgery,” she snapped, befuddled. Who even was this guy? She knew that he was friends with Blaine, or at least claimed to be. If this was another Jesse St. James situation, he was certainly blowing past all the betrayal records for sucking the Child of Hell had set before him. In fact, she was about three seconds away from taking out  _ both _ of these kids eyes.

“It’s  _ okay  _ because I didn’t put anything in this one.”

Santana had barely had time to register what he had said before she was hit with the cold burn of a slushie thrown point blank at her face. She’d only been slushied once before, but even without the shame of her high school peers watching, the embarrassment settled into her as fast as the ice slipped down her face and chest. As she stood mouth agape, the Warblers scurried out of the room, though a handful of them gave her a few looks of pity over their shoulders, of which Santana caught until the large double doors closed behind the group.

Santana cursed under her breath, realizing that the slushie was quickly melting down under her shirt. She wiped her face, shaking off her hands before reaching into her top, pulling out the tape recorder which thankfully showed a small red recording button as the film inside continued to spin. 

_ Good,  _ Santana thought to herself, hitting the stop button and stashing the device into her blazer pocket instead before attempting to clean off the rest of the mess.  _ He deserves what’s coming to him. _

On her way out of the school, she sent a quick ‘we got it’ text to Kurt before pulling out of the lot. They’d agreed to bring the evidence to school on Monday, showing the club at the same time for the maximum number of witnesses in the case that their evidence was somehow destroyed. It wasn’t a realistic concern, but they wanted to be safe-- and  _ yes _ , maybe they were letting the Action Movie dramatics of it get to their head a bit. Once she got home, Santana safely stashed the device in her nightstand, and checked it continuously for the next few hours to make sure she’d actually done so.

Sunday morning, Santana woke up to a small mountain of texts. One was from an unknown number, which she quickly realized was Blaine once she saw a message a bit earlier from Kurt explaining that he’d sent him her contact information. After begrudgingly adding him to her contacts, she opened his message.

> GAYER SHIRE: Thanks for what you did yesterday. I talked to my dad about it, and we’re going to talk to someone about what our options are. I don’t want anyone to get hurt in the meantime, so if you don’t mind, just keep it quiet for now. Thanks!

Santana rolled her eyes, sending nothing more than a thumbs up emoji in response. She  _ hated  _ waiting.

Thankfully as she made her way through the rest of her messages, she saw one from Brittany, which caused a small smile to break on her face.

> BRITT: sleepover and go to school together tomorrow?

Tapping out a quick confirmation, she watched as her girlfriend’s text bubble appeared, eventually asking her to bring snacks. She replied again, letting her know she’d stop by the store on her way over a bit later. Clicking her phone closed, Santana tossed it to the other side of her bed, and pulled herself up to sit on the side, swinging her legs around to the floor. She really appreciated Brittany-- even these small text conversations made her feel so warm and safe. If she could spend every moment of her life with the other girl, she would give up everything else in a heartbeat.

And she hoped to God that fate let Britt be her tether.

Sighing to herself, Santana grabbed a scrunchie off her bedside table, pulling her hair into a messy bun on the top of her head before standing from the bed, and heading out of her bedroom to get her day started.

Weekend mornings were always quiet in the Lopez home, and she often found herself doing menial things like cleaning to pass the time when she had nowhere to be. After folding the last of her laundry that had started to pile up on a chair in the corner of her room, she finally gave up on pretending she had much else to do with her Sunday, and decided to just head to Brittany’s early. Santana shot her a heads up text on the way out the door, and quickly shouted a goodbye to whoever in her house was around before heading to her car. Shutting herself in and turning her music all the way up as the engine came to life, she blasted her way through the town to Sean Paul’s newest album, the music only fading as she opened her car door in the parking lot of a Target.

It was supposed to be a quick trip-- fill a handbasket with a few of Britt’s favorite treats, a couple of ready-made meals to get something other than sugar in her girlfriend’s system, and a few bottled teas. However, as she was making her way back from the grocery section, she stopped in her tracks, realizing she’d actually meant to pick up something she needed for a class project. As she turned back around to head back towards the stationary aisles, she stopped again, seeing a familiar face browsing the greeting card section.

Well, half of a familiar face-- at least in the seeing department.

Blanderson himself stood in front of a nauseating display of Valentine’s cards, seeming a bit lost in thought as his eyes (uh, eye) scanned the shelves. She wasn’t about to make cheerful conversation with the kid, but seeing him in person helped calm her nerves about the situation, not that she knew he wasn’t suffering from some horrible ailment.

_ But wait, didn’t Kurt say he was supposed to have a serious surgery this week? Shouldn’t he be home? _

Her eyes drew into a squint as she cocked her head. The boy still hadn’t seen her, and didn’t look like he would any time soon, so Santana watched, curious. She studied his basket, which had a few basic things like drinks and vitamins, but tucked under the same arm was a card-- something blue, with an ugly cartoon dog and a large red heart on the front. Blaine was still sorting through the cards on display, pulling one out to read the inside before putting it back. Something about how he was doing so piqued her interest. Almost as if he was nervous. But for what? He and Kurt had been together for a year by now.

Her curiosity catching the best of her, she stood up straight, walking over casually. Only then did Blaine become aware of her presence, taking a double take between her and the cards before quickly slipping whatever card he had just been looking at back on the shelf, dropping the dog one into his basket.

“Well, if it isn’t Mike Wazowski himself,” she greeted him, holding her arm up to let her basket fall into the crook of her elbow. “I’m honored to meet you. Really loved your work.”

“Hi, Santana,” Blaine said, his voice clipped. 

Santana’s brow quirked. 

“You’re a sight for sore eye,” she added, careful to keep her tone light. As curious as she was, she knew better than to give Blaine any reason to hide anything from her--  _ especially  _ since she was suddenly all in on finding out why he was even out and about in the first place. “Are you feeling any better? Kurt had talked about your surgery in glee the other day. Sounded pretty gnarly.”

Blaine’s gaze dropped to the floor for a moment. 

_ He’s a terrible liar _ , Santana mused, biting the inside of her cheek.

“Yeah,” he replied, looking back up at her. “It ended up not being as bad as they thought, which is good.” He shrugged his shoulders, shooting her a timid smile. He was clearly trying to play it off casually, but Santana gave a smile of her own back, if only to keep up appearances. She had a suspicion that

“That’s awesome to hear,” she said, her vowels drawn out slightly. Blaine looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there, and as much as she knew she wanted to question him about why she seemed to be learning more than Kurt knew, she wasn’t about to send him running. “So you’re coming back to school Monday?”

“Oh, uh, no,” Blaine stammered, tugging loosely at a button on his shirt. “My doctor doesn’t want me out that long.”

“I totally get it. I can’t imagine not going to Target with an eye injury,” It was sarcastic, and Blaine knew it. Santana saw the anxiety fall on his face like a curtain. She couldn’t help it; something about how Blaine had seemingly been caught in a situation he never intended anyone to see him in sent her all kinds of bad vibes. And then the dumb Valentine’s day cards.  _ Whatever this is, he’s not telling Kurt something. _

Clicking her tongue, Santana shot him a beaming smile and watched the color drop from Blaine’s face. Whatever. She already didn’t like him, but now knowing that her spying skills were likely to be drawn on further into the week, she made a mental note to have a little conversation with Kurt about some apparent misinformation being given. “I’ll see you whenever, then. Gotta head to Britt’s.”

“See you,” Blaine said, putting on a smile and giving a meek wave as Santana moved to walk away. But of course, she wasn’t  _ leaving.  _ She could feel Blaine’s eyes drilling holes into the back of her head, so she only dared to turn back when she was safely out of his sight. She stopped in an aisle down the way, dipping in far enough that she could watch as the boy without being on the edge of his vision. He seemed to have made his way away from the cards, but as Santana craned her neck around a shelf, she watched as Blaine turned back, quickly grabbing the card he’d last had back off the display, and shoving it into his basket.

“Yeah?” she mumbled to herself. 

Her eyes were on the former Warbler for as long as she could keep sight of him, but eventually he disappeared in the aisles. Not wanting to stage a lookout in the middle of the store, her stomach rumbled in a reminder that she had a much better place to be anyway. She made her way towards the counters, quickly paying for her items at the self checkout and slipping her arms through the bags. As she stepped out of the store, Santana pulled her keys from her bag, followed by her phone, which she immediately opened, clicking the green phone by Brittany’s contact.

“Hey, I’m on my way over now,” she said, putting her phone on her shoulder as she walked through the parking lot, clicking her car unlocked. “You should hear what just happened, though.”

* * *

Monday afternoon came in a flash, leading to a rather embarrassing show of cheesy Group Love between the New Directions and the Warblers. The teams had agreed to meet at McKinley (god, did Santana wonder how much they’d as their respective glee clubs had single-handedly contributed to Ohio’s blossoming smog problem in the last week) for yet another dramatic threat to the opposing club. If it wasn’t for the rightful dedication to the MJ theme, Santana likely would have quit the club by now just to get out of the constant too-serious sing offs.

Much to her dismay, it seemed as though Kurt and everyone else in the club had decided to in fact not play dirty, and Santana watched in disgust as her friend had tossed the evidence right into Sebastian’s grimy little hands. Luckily, after a sickly sweet rendition of “Black or White”, Sebastian had  _ finally  _ been brought down a few pegs while she happily watched the rest of the Gay Men In Black join in alongside the New Directions against his will. After turning down the invitation to join the rest of the group, the Warbler left the auditorium in a huff, though Santana caught as his shoulders slumped just before leaving through the doorway.

As the rest of the gathering dissolved into happy chatter, Santana snuck away, instead making her way backstage and out into the lot next to the building. She knew the other teen likely wouldn’t have left the grounds yet, and sure enough, as the theater door clicked closed behind her, Sebastian was waiting against the side of the building, his head dropped to stare at his feet as he leaned against the stucco.

Santana walked over to where he stood, pulling out a box of cigarettes from the inside of her Cheerios jacket, followed by a small lighter. Sebastian looked up at her as she approached, giving her a look as she confidently lit a cigarette between her lips.

“How’s it feel to be utterly humiliated?” she asked, holding out the box to him.

He raised a hand, waving it off. “No thanks.” Santana silently slipped both items back into her coat, turning around to lean against the wall next to Sebastian as she held her cigarette between her fingers.

“Just because I didn’t want to join your little Kidz Bop concert doesn’t mean I didn’t respect what Kurt did,” Sebastian admitted. It was unusually heartfelt, but still laced with his sarcastic tone. If she didn’t know any better, she could have sworn she heard his voice crack a little bit. “He could have ruined my life.”

Santana gave a short laugh, taking another drag. “Unlike us, he’s a good person.”

“I don’t understand it.”

“Yeah? Me Neither,” she said, staring off into the parking lot. That was true; out of everyone, she never understood why Kurt of all people was always putting others first. He didn’t have any reason to with how everyone had treated him at some point, yet something in the last year had changed. Even Santana had to admit he used to be a bit of a Mega Bitch about things, but while he clearly was still working through whatever his shit was, he always seemed to want to be and do better. She admired it, and knew that she likely could never live up to it.

“You know,” Santana continued, tapping the ash from the end of the cigarette onto the concrete below. “If you want to repay him for not turning you in, the least you could do is stop torturing him.”

“I know. I’m just kind of an ass,” Sebastian replied.

“Kind of?”

The Warbler laughed. It was soft, and quirked the corner of Santana’s lips. Silence fell between them, though the space was filled with Santana’s slow drags of her cigarette and the distant traffic just down the road.

“Look, I’m also guilty of occasionally making people’s lives a living hell,” Santana eventually started again. Beside her, Sebastian’s head turned to stare at her, but she kept him in the corner of her eyes as she stared out into the parking lot. “I’ll be the first to admit it’s kind of fun. But I don’t fuck with relationships. Not anymore, at least,” she paused, shaking her head to herself. “I’m too afraid of the karma now that I actually have something to lose.” 

Silence again. Santana rolled the cigarette between her fingers, watching the embers at the end fall.

This time, Sebastian broke the quiet. “You’re being rather open with the enemy.”

It was Santana’s turn to give an airy laugh. “I know. I hate it. But as it turns out we’re not that different.” 

Dropping what was left of her cigarette on the ground, she pressed her toes into the pavement, crushing it out before turning back to Sebastian. “Back off Gay Cyclops, alright?” she asked. Finally their eyes met, and she studied the other with a stoic gaze. He remained expressionless for a few moments, something quick flashing behind his eyes. He understood.

The air broke with a single smirk from the boy. “Gay Cyclops,” he said, standing a little straighter. “I like that.”

“First one’s free.”   
  
From behind them, the auditorium doors creaked open, and out flowed the rest of the suit-clad Warblers. A few of them looked their way, but for the most part, they were all still caught up in the excitement of the mega-group number. As the last few boys stepped out, Santana watched as Brittany followed behind them, her eyes searching for Santana. As their eyes locked, Santana’s shoulders dropped, and she shot her girlfriend a small wave, which earned her a goofy smile and larger wave, gesturing for her to return inside. 

“Hey Sebastian?” a voice said, causing both Santana and Gumby’s heads to turn. What Santana can only describe as the most cherubic of the Warblers stood awkwardly behind them, fumbling with his hands. Santana recognized him as the one that had called Sebastian out initially while inside, and raised a brow as she looked between them.

“We’re going to head out,” the boy continued, gesturing loosely behind him to where the others had begun making their way to their cars. “I don’t know who you rode with, but you can hop in my car, if you want.”

Beside her, Sebastian nodded, and she watched as a hint of a smile played at his cheeks. He turned back to her, and she nodded a farewell, which he mimicked before following the Cherub away. She watched them walk away for a few moments before she turned on her heels, rolling her neck with her eyes.

She’d officially reached her Nice Quota.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo boy, 2020 sure was a year, huh? Hopefully this extra long chapter can help make up for it, as well as the unintended mini-hiatus (sorry!)

“No, it’s like,  _ really  _ bad.”

Kurt gently rubbed his temples as he, Finn, and Sam walked through the school hall, joined by the rest of their equally as sluggish peers on the cold Tuesday morning. The walls surrounding them had been decorated with pink construction paper hearts and cheap red and white tinsel seemingly overnight by the very ambitious student council, and Kurt was as impressed as he was annoyed. Even as students trudged across the campus, there was a stirring buzz between the teens as the new Valentine’s Day decorations stirred the beginnings of excitement for the holiday.

Unfortunately, for yet another year in a row, Kurt would be spending his week without another on his arm, and instead would be forced to bear witness to everyone else either happily smooching their partner in the halls, or single and looking just as mopey as he felt. He currently didn’t even have plans to see Blaine on the actual holiday, as the other had texted him this weekend to let him know that he had a busy day of appointments and would likely be spending his night resting. Thankfully, Kurt still had their usual Thursday date night to break up the upcoming week of horrifying PDA he was about to suffer through, but he couldn’t help but feel bummed that he would now go through his entire schooling career without someone to celebrate with.

“Well, what am I supposed to do? It’s not like I have anywhere else to go,” Sam asked, suddenly desperate. The boy had gotten accustomed to his life living with the Hudson-Hummels, which meant that Finn and Kurt were constantly having to break the news on certain “home life” traditions that he had yet to experience for himself. In particular, Burt and Carole’s unfortunate intense love for each other during the romantic holiday. 

“I don’t have any plans,” Kurt spoke up, glancing beside him over to Sam. He caught Finn’s pitied glance, giving him a small shrug before looking back at the other boy. “Maybe I’ll see if anyone wants to have a movie night. I stayed home last year and it was a huge mistake.”

“While you were home?” Sam stared over at him, horrified. 

Kurt nodded, shivering. “Full teen-party makeout in the kitchen.”

Finn gagged. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Absolutely.”

Thankfully for him, as the two started up about the upcoming basketball season, Kurt reached his locker, and checked out of the conversation as the others continued to talk a few feet away at Finn’s locker. Spinning his lock, Kurt entered his combination, pulling the door open with a creak. To his surprise, something fell out from the bottom, hitting the tops of his shoes with a gentle tap before slipping to the floor.

Curious, Kurt bent down, picking up the red envelope. He hesitated for a moment, flipping it over in his hand to see a neatly scrawled “K.H.” on the front. Raising a brow, his heart fluttered as he slipped a finger under the flap, tearing the paper envelope open and pulling out a card. On it, a big cartoon whale floated in an ocean of pink hearts. He opened it up, a smile pulling at his cheeks as he read the contents.

> _ Whale you be mine? _
> 
> _ Your Secret Love _

Kurt’s cheeks went warm, a grin now beaming on his face. Closing the card, he held it to his chest for a moment, making a note to text Blaine during homeroom. How could he have thought his boyfriend would let him go through the week without something that tugged on his cheesy romantic heartstrings? He could still feel his sadness of not being able to proudly walk the decorated halls with his boyfriend, but at the very least, he knew he could walk a little taller knowing that he was still very much in love.

Kurt looked over at where Finn and Sam were still talking, deep in conversation about whatever it was two boys could possibly passionately discuss about sports. They’d ridden here together, as they did every morning, so Kurt realized his distraction for the day could be discovering who a certain boyfriend’s mole was for the gift. Down the hall, he watched as Tina and Mike strutted in together, the pair shaking off their snow dusted coats, which immediately narrowed his options down by two.

_ I do love a good mystery,  _ Kurt mused, a smile still stretched on his lips as he gently placed the card on his locker door, securing it with a loose magnet. He quickly swapped out his supplies and books for the ones he needed for the next few classes, and then went to close his locker, pausing to stare once more at the card with a grin before shutting the door.

* * *

Kurt followed behind a few of the glee members, who were either lost in their chatter or, in Finn and Rachel’s case, each other’s mouths. The club was moving from the choir room to the library in order to use the school computers, Mr. Schue following just behind them with his nose buried in a stack of sheet music he was flipping through. Not feeling any inclination to use a crusty keyboard or watch his friends makeout amongst the bookshelves, Kurt realized he had the opportunity to step away and get something more productive done instead. He lessened his pace, waiting until the choir teacher had taken him over before turning on his heel, making a full turn back towards the room the group had just left.

However, instead of the choir room, he made a right, making his way to the counseling office. As he rounded the corner, he realized that the door was wide open, and for a moment Kurt was disappointed that Ms. Pillsbury may not be in her office. Though as he got further down the hall, he could see her ginger girls through the large windows, her back turned to him as she was busying herself in her bookcase. Kurt slowed his steps, reaching the doorway but hesitating before giving the frame a small, soft knock.

Ms. Pillsbury quickly glanced over her shoulder, seeming to jump a bit at the sudden interruption. As she turned around, Kurt noticed a stack of pamphlets in her hand.

“Kurt! Hello,” she said, her already large eyes even wider in surprise.

“Sorry. Are you busy?” Kurt asked, standing up a little straighter. 

Emma mimicked his adjustment, rolling her shoulders back as she quickly shook her head. “Not at all. Just replenishing my stock.” She stepped back towards her desk, placing the pamphlets down in front of her as she sat in her chair. Kurt watched as she centered them neatly in a pile in the center. “What can I help you with?”

Kurt bit the inside of his cheek lightly, a nervous flutter stirring in his stomach. Part of him wanted to instead turn away and head back to his club, but he knew this was something he had already been putting off for too long. Swallowing, he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I was wondering if I could schedule a counseling session with you.”

“Oh, of course.” Emma replied, giving him a small nod. She pulled a small planner from the side of her desk, flipping it open and quickly rifling through the pages. “Is there anything in particular this would be about? Another college discussion?”   
  
“I was actually wondering if I could just talk.” Kurt admitted. He suddenly felt a bit silly; he knew Ms. Pillsbury was a psychologist, but he couldn’t think of a time he’d met with her that wasn’t about something very specific. “A general life counseling, I guess.” 

Emma stilled, her gaze stalling on her planner before looking back up at Kurt. She rested her hands on top of each other, looking up at him with soft eyes. “Are you busy right now?”

“Not really.” 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in glee?” she asked. It was phrased as a genuine question, but there was a hint of a lilt in her voice that sounded more of a tease, though she wasn’t giving away much more.

“Mr. Schue sent us to the library to research love songs, but I really don’t think I need any help in that department,” Kurt answered, a small smile cracking.

“That’s a fine enough excuse for me,” she smiled back at him, gesturing to the empty chairs in front of her. Kurt pulled one of them out, settling into it. “What’s been troubling you lately?”

Pulling his bag off of his shoulder, he let it drop to the floor beside him. It took a few moments for him to gather himself, but as he clasped his hands on his lap, he forced a deep breath. “I’ve been overwhelmed recently.” he admitted. “School and NYADA drama are enough of an uphill battle on their own, but I feel like everything else in life has it out for me.”

“The breaking point was Blaine getting hurt,” he continued, hesitant. He wasn’t actually sure how much the guidance counselor knew about the subject, but given her place in the school, and her fiance of choice, he assumed she was fairly clued in. Her short nod was enough reassurance for him to continue. “Even though some things have settled since then, it just feels like I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop.”

She stared at him for a few moments, then looked away, pulling a small notebook from the edge of her desk and flicking open to a new page. “It’s clear you’re obviously dealing with a lot of anxiety at once, so let’s start small.” She clasped her hands, the pen resting neatly between her thumbs and index fingers. “You mentioned school troubles? Are your grades slipping?”   
  
“They’re stable, actually,” he replied. “But I suppose maintaining them has been hard, especially with math.”

“Have you considered seeking some after school help? There is a surprisingly well rounded tutoring program at this school, and I’d be happy to help you join,” Emma offered, scribbling something down quickly.

“Maybe after regionals,” Kurt replied. Another thing he’d have to balance in his schedule honestly made him start to feel sick. “Maybe. But I guess I do have help from a… friend already. So it’s not necessarily a huge problem, just another small one snowballing into this huge stress.”

Emma made a short noise of approval, making another small note in her notebook before looking back up at him. “Well, so far so good. You seem to have a good grasp on what your problems are already, so having a helpful friend will do you good!” She gave him a small smile, finishing up whatever she was writing. Kurt craned his neck for a moment, curious, but was unable to make out anything important. He sat back in his chair as she looked up at him again. “Now, what about NYADA has you stressed?”   
  
“The wait, I think. I just got my finalist letter last week, which has helped, but now I’m worried about the audition.”   
  
The counselor’s face lit up, and she sat up a little taller in her seat. “Well, first of all, congratulations! Not that I had any doubt in you. Or Rachel, for that matter,” she quickly added, giving him another small smile. Kurt couldn’t help but return it, his cheeks tinged a soft pink. “How exciting. But I can definitely understand feeling a little anxious. College is a big life step, so I think it’s completely valid to be worried, especially when, as you said before, this is what you’d like to do with your life, correct?”

Kurt nodded. He opened his mouth to reply, but as his words caught in his throat, he quickly closed it again.

Emma looked over at him, her face soft, and smile softer. He’d always found comfort in being in the guidance counselors’ presence, even if her head was often stuck in the clouds. Sometimes he felt like he was talking to his mother again. The thought tugged at his heart as the counselor continued. “Kurt, I think you are genuinely one of the most talented people I’ve ever met, and your passion for the arts and your future is something you should hold onto. I won’t say that your audition isn’t something you should prepare for, of course, but I think you shine so bright in these halls that the second you’re under those stage lights, your jurors will see you as you are.”

That caught Kurt off guard. “I… thank you.”

Another small smile, which Kurt once again returned. “Of course,” she replied, neatly setting down her pen in the crease of her notebook. “Now, even with my optimism, I have to be a bit rational-- have you considered what you will do in the case that you are not accepted?”   
  
Kurt’s heart skipped a beat. “Not really,” he replied. “Is that bad?”

Emma shook her head. “Not at all. A dream is a dream, after all, so sometimes it’s hard to see past our own hopes and wishes if that’s what we’ve wanted our entire life.” Once again, she picked up her pen, scribbling something that she then underlined. “Have you heard back from anyone else? Where did you apply besides NYADA.”

“I didn’t,” Kurt answered.

“You haven’t heard back yet?”   
  
“I… I didn’t apply anywhere else.”

Emma’s eyes went wide. “You only applied to NYADA?” Kurt froze, her change in expression sending a sudden chill through his body. The question immediately hung in his mind, blinking like a neon sign as a forefront of his thoughts. The lump that had been forming in his throat only grew further, now accompanied by a heaviness in his stomach. 

Emma continued to stare at him, her mouth slightly agape for a moment before snapping closed, her pen immediately fluttering across her notes, quickly writing more. “Right, okay.”   
  
“Is that bad?” Kurt asked, his voice small, stuck.   
  
The counselor’s hand stilled momentarily. “Um… no,” she started, her words slightly clipped. She shook her head. “No, it’s not bad. However, while I admire your dedication, I think it could help ease your anxieties to consider having a few backup plans.” She placed her pen down again, and instead turned towards her computer. Kurt took the opportunity to try to glance back at her notebook, but couldn’t make out her cursive.  _ Probably for the better,  _ he thought, sitting back again.

“You’d like to be in New York, right?” she asked, clacking away at her keyboard. Kurt crossed his legs, resting his palms on top of his knee.

“Ideally,” he answered. He felt sick.

“Okay.” More typing. Kurt nervously rubbed his knuckles. After a few moments, as well as a fair amount of clicking, Emma continued. “Well, it’s fairly late in the application season, but there are still a few schools accepting applicants. Columbia has closed for the season, but NYU is still open until the end of this month. And I know you didn’t necessarily want to attend Julliard due to their lack of musical theater programs, but it is still an option.” She clicked her tongue quietly. “They have closed for the Fall, but they are accepting applicants for Spring semester, if you didn’t mind waiting. And of course, there are community colleges in the city if you were simply wanting to move there, but I still recommend staying in state for that.”

As she finished, she turned back around in her seat, meeting Kurt’s gaze. Kurt swallowed anxiously.   
  
“I don’t think that’s really an option for me,” he said. He held his tongue, not wanting to outright complain about the city Ms. Pillsbury was willingly residing in.   
  
Luckily for him, she waved her hand beside her, brushing it off. “Totally get it. I personally enjoy the quieter life, but I’d love to move somewhere a bit more bustling, like Columbus.”

Glancing back over at her computer screen, she hummed to herself, leaning over to give her mouse wheel a quick scroll. “Now, this might be coming a bit out of left field, but how do you feel about California?”   
  
That genuinely caught Kurt by surprise. “I don’t really feel anything about it. I’ve never been.”

Emma nodded, turning back to face him. “Well,” she started, sitting a bit straighter in her own seat. “There is also a huge theatre industry out there. While there is an obvious focus on film and television, the community and opportunity there is just as great. It’s also a big metro area, and as liberal-leaning as New York, with just a bit more sunshine.”

“Do you think I should move there instead?” Kurt asked. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt at such a loss, as if Ms. Pillsbury had ripped a rug from beneath him and turned out a light; everything she was saying made perfect sense, but for whatever reason, Kurt had been ignorant to even consider it before. Why didn’t he think of any of this?   
  
“No,” Emma said flatly. “Even if I did, it’s not my job to tell you what to do with your life, aside from a little guidance.” She gestured loosely to the nameplate on her desk, failing to stifle a cute giggle. Kurt’s shoulders dropped, and he had to stop himself from slumping fully in his chair. “Your heart is clearly telling you that you need to be in New York, and I’m a firm believer in following that. I’m just simply putting it out there as an option.” She glanced back at her computer, clicking something on her desktop. “Chicago as well.”

“Can I ask you something?” Kurt said, internally wincing at how feeble it sounded.

“Mm-hm?”

“You mentioned following your heart.” Emma looked back over at him for a moment, quickly clicking something once more on her computer before turning back to him. Behind her, a printer whirred to life. 

“Mr. Schue hasn’t talked too much about it,” he continued, his hands clasped once more in his lap. “But you two are tethers, right? How did you deal with that? I know Mr. Schue was married, of course, but did you two still…” Kurt hesitated, holding his breath. “Were you connected throughout that?” 

For how much her face usually gave away, Kurt was lost in trying to decipher all of the emotions and thoughts that flashed across it. “Well, yes and no.” 

Silence. Kurt’s lungs burned, and he had to force the air out of them.

“Tethers are very confusing, and intricate, as I’m sure you’ve found out,” Emma started. Kurt could hear how careful she was with her words. “Mr. Sh- Will and I were only connected after he had well since graduated from here, so he was already living with… Terri.” 

Kurt nodded.

“They were very much in love, and Will made that very clear from the start. We didn’t have much time to get to know each other aside from that, because we agreed that the situation was a bit too messy to interfere with.”   
  
“However, that obviously did not stop the tether,” she continued. The counselor brought her hands up on her desk, setting them gently on top of her notebook in a delicate clasp. “We were still very much connected, even as our forced distance subdued things such as our intertwining thoughts. Occasionally, we would feel that pull, but out of respect to him and his partner, I never dug much deeper. It wasn’t until I got my job here that our tether grew stronger, and as we put two and two together, we finally realized who the other was.”   
  
Kurt sat, stunned. In his years of glee, Mr. Schuester had told his students many things about his life, but he’d never touched on his connection with Emma much at all. He’d always wondered why, especially given that it was common knowledge. To hear his fiance explain it gave Kurt a completely new insight as to who his teacher was. Unsurprisingly, his heart fluttered, feeling like he’d just watched their love story before his very eyes. “That honestly sounds like the plot of a romantic drama.”

Emma beamed at him, parting her hands to lay flat on her desk. “Doesn’t it? I always tell him that if I hadn’t gotten into psychology, I would have loved to pursue writing. Thankfully, this job lets me do both, even if it’s a bit more silly.” She leaned forward, moving to adjust a few pamphlets she’d just noticed were out of place.

“Do you have any doubts?” Kurt asked, his mouth speaking before his brain could stop him. Embarrassed, he pinched the back of his hand lightly. “I’m sorry, that’s a bit too personal.”

Emma hesitated, then tapped the top of her pamphlets to push them back into place. Sitting back in her chair, her hands slid back on her desk, her fingers stilling at the edge of the wood. “No, no. It’s okay,” she reassured. “It’s a very complicated feeling. Knowing what I know now, would I have liked to be with the man I would later marry? Of course, but do I regret all the life I have lived aside from that? Not one minute.” 

Another pause. Kurt watched as she calculated what she was about to say next.

“I think regret, and the ‘what ifs’ of life are a very real thing for absolutely everybody, Kurt. But I also think that life is short, and that we can only fester so long on our past-- and even present-- before it will start absorbing our future as well.”

Kurt sat silently, knowing what question was coming next.

“I’ve heard that you got your tether. Has that been something else that has been bothering you?”

He hesitated. He knew he wanted to talk about it, but apparently much like everything else in his life, he hadn’t put much thought into how he would until now. “It was, at first. It’s such a weird feeling, to know that it’s inevitable your whole life and then suddenly actually being thrust into it.” 

Emma nodded, waiting for him to continue. Kurt licked his lips, shaking his head.

“I don’t know who he is, but I do like him, so I have that comfort. He’s been nothing but courteous when we… talk,” he explained.

“How has Blaine taken to this?”   
  
“He’s okay with it.” That much was true, however-- “I guess as much as he can be, at least.”   
  
“That’s good to hear.”

Silence. Kurt wasn’t sure if he should fill it, so he kept his mouth shut.

After a few moments passed, the ticks from the analog clock hung on the wall echoing with each click, Emma closed the notebook o=in front of her, setting the pen on top. “Well, from my professional opinion… I’m happy to see how mature you are handling everything. It takes a lot for someone to go through what you’ve been through, even as an adult. And I think it’s perfectly normal to be overwhelmed right now. And I think, even more so, it’s brave of you to admit you are having these feelings, and to want to seek help for the things you can control.” 

Spinning her chair around, Kurt could hear paper rustling together as Emma collected what she had printed minutes before. As she turned back around, she held out a small stack of papers. “These are for you. I’m not going to tell you where you should go after graduation, but I do think having a bit more of a safety net, or even an idea of one, can help with those troubling thoughts.” 

Kurt nodded in thanks, taking the paper from her and neatly setting it in his lap. On the top of the stack, Kurt could make out the FIDM logo. 

“In the meantime, I would like to set up a few more appointments, if you don’t mind,” Kurt looked back up at her, though his thoughts still lingered on the first paper. “You don’t have to come to all of them, or any at all. And even if you do come, we don’t have to talk. About your problems, I mean. But I guess you also don’t have to talk. You are free to come in and eat your lunch, or catch up on Youtube compilations. But I would like to offer you a space to escape for a little bit. De-overwhelm,” she smiled.

Kurt gave another glance to the papers, then back up at to counselor. He couldn’t help but let out a sigh, feeling a swell of relief overcome him. “I’d really appreciate that. Thank you, Ms. Pillsbury,” he smiled, and she was quick to return it.   
  
“Of course. Can I help you with anything else? I know you said you were all set, but I do have a few playlists riddled with Lionel Ritchie up my sleeve if you need some inspiration,” she offered, her eyes sparkling.

Kurt cocked a brow, amused. “Do tell.”

* * *

The following day, tray in hand, Kurt stood in the lunch line with a huge grin stretched across his face. Tucked below his salad bowl lay a soft pink card that he’d stumbled upon in his locker just minutes prior. True to theme, it was another cheesy doodle, a goofy looking pink heart gracing the front of it. While he was once again swept off his feet, the excitement of who Blaine’s little cupid’s helper could be added to the heart pattering; it had been quite some time since his life’s distractions were happy, so he would be the first to admit he was indulging in the novelty of it all.

The fact that it had not been there this morning meant, if he had been paying attention, his theories on who had left the card could have been aided by which of his friends had been occupied earlier in the morning. As he moved through the line, disgruntled lunch ladies filling his platter, he tried to think back to who he’d seen. He could rule out his household, as well as Tina and Mike, as he’d seen them the other day. Admittedly he knew it couldn’t be Artie, because the card had fallen from the higher slot in his locker door. 

Glancing over his shoulder towards the table where his friends were sitting, he chewed on the inside of his lip. Something was telling him that whoever wanted to help, it wasn’t someone he would expect. His eyes landed on Puck, whose hands were flailing around the table as he exaggerated whatever story he was telling, his memory flashed back to the night just over a week ago now. He hadn’t given it much thought, but he never realized how supportive the jock had become over the few years they’d been in glee together. Smiling softly, Kurt watched as his friends laughed, their voices breaking through the rest of the lunchroom’s chatter. He couldn’t let himself forget just how much  _ all  _ of his friends cared for him, as they did for each other.

There was a tap on his shoulder as the girl behind him in line politely pulled his attention. Kurt turned back around to find the line had emptied in front of him. Giving the girl a small thankful nod, he quickly made his way through the rest of the counter, grabbing his utensils near the end before spinning back on his heel, happily walking towards where his friends were seated.

“I got the gig cleaning the sorority house swimming pool, and I sawed through those chicks like a freakin’ sex tornado,” Puck explained, complete with exaggerated motions. Kurt had to restrain an eye roll as he settled in his seat. He turned to slip his bag over the back of the plastic chair, but hesitated before he could turn back around, a small, indistinguishable feeling flashing in the back of his mind. Reaching into the bag, he clicked his phone’s screen awake, only to find nothing but a blank lock screen.

_ Weird,  _ Kurt thought to himself, moving to face back towards the table. Instinct continued to tug at his thoughts, however, but he tried his best to shrug it off.

“Look, I tried the true love thing,” Puck said, with small chuckles from the others.

“With a teacher,” Mike teased, grinning as he shoved a chip into his mouth.

“Wasn’t for me.”

“Well, it is for me,” Kurt interjected, happy to not have to hear about any more of Puck’s sexual escapades. Pulling out the card from his tray, he spun it around, accompanied with a toothy grin. “And apparently it is for Blaine too. Look-- even from his sick bed he’s managed to send me a new Valentine’s Day card every single day this week.”

As he opened the card to read it once more, Puck leaned forward, his neck craning to snoop on the contents. Kurt happily tilted the card down, allowing his friend to see, while from beside him, Artie took one glance before giving a quiet scoff.

“It says from your secret admirer,” the boy said, almost as a question. Kurt ignored him at first, his heart fluttering in his chest. 

“So roma-” Kurt started, but the word caught on his tongue. He thought at first it was something about Artie’s tone that had suddenly triggered his “detective mode”, as he found himself suspicious. However, he quickly realized that the feeling from just moments before was to blame, the tease of a feeling that he couldn’t really grasp. Before another thought could pass, he found himself turning around in his seat, and jumped in surprise. 

A few feet from his table, a gorilla suit was seemingly headed in a beeline towards him. In its hands were a postcard and a small bouquet of balloons, held together by a small plush. Kurt’s eyebrows raised, his mouth parting in shock as the gorilla did in fact stop just behind his seat.

“A gorilla gram?” he asked, his voice lilted. “Por moi?” 

The gorilla gave a small nod, handing the card over to him. Kurt gently took it, holding it in front of him in both hands.

“ _ To Kurt, from your secret admirer,”  _ he read aloud. From beside him Artie turned to face the others, making a face across towards Mike, who simply shrugged with a confused smile. 

“Again!” Kurt said, unable to keep his knowing grin from stretching across his face. “I wonder who it could be.”

Scooting his chair slightly, he turned around again, and pulled his knees out to face the gorilla. “Will you tell me who it is, Valentine Gorilla?” he asked, eyes wide in feigned wonder. As he stared up at the masked face, he struggled to make out the pair of eyes behind it, unfortunately darkened by the cheap plastic. There was suddenly something in the air-- a spark, just as Kurt let his gaze settle on the other’s face. Even unable to make out a pair of human features, Kurt was suddenly struck by the spark, which he pinned as an odd sense of familiarity.

The gorilla seemed to still as well, eventually breaking the tension when they shook their head slowly. They then held out the hand holding the weight of balloons, which drew Kurt from his own stilled moment. Reaching out, Kurt’s smile returned, though less natural than before. As he took the gift, his fingers brushed along the other’s, causing another jolt of sensation to run through Kurt’s body. The other clearly reacted to this as well, his hand hesitating before dropping back to his side. Kurt set the balloons on the table in front of him, and found himself turning back towards the gifter once more. Almost in sync, they each raised a respective arm, giving a quick side hug to the other before pulling away. 

Before he knew it, the costumed boy was gone, and Kurt was left sitting back in his chair, eyes blinking.  _ Why did I just hug him?  _ he wondered, but the thought seemed out of place. Again, the familiarity had struck him so obviously, and the embrace only felt natural; for whatever reason, he had, in that moment, genuinely felt like hugging the other. Fortunately for him, he could narrow down to only one boy in his life that he felt that comfortable and at ease with.

Finn.

Kurt grinned. Perhaps his step-brother was a bit more sly than he gave him credit for. Turning back towards the table to his waiting friends, who all except one had confused looks on their faces. Puck was giving him a small, cocky smile, which only confirmed his suspicions.  _ Finn must be Blaine’s conspirator after all,  _ he thought, then gave Puck a snarky smile in return.

“That’s what you’re missing out on, Puckerman -- true love.”

* * *

Unfortunately for Kurt’s investigative desires, he couldn’t seem to get a hold of Finn at all. He’d headed home Wednesday afternoon alone after his friend had disappeared off with Rachel for the evening, not even managing to catch him later that night. On Thursday morning, he woke up to find the other already gone, having left early for a football post-season weigh-in. Instead, Kurt and Sam drove alone to school, then parting until glee reunited them later.

As the period came, however, Kurt quickly found out why his step-brother’s presence was more fleeting than it needed to be. Much to his dismay, Finchel had decided to drop the “surprise” announcement that they were recently engaged. Kurt had felt his heart drop to his stomach, and his disapproving looks were pointedly avoided as he had chewed into the couple.

“It’s infuriating,” Kurt said, his phone lying open on top of his comforter. He angrily shoved a stack of shirts into his pajama drawer, all but slamming it back closed.

“You don’t think it’s romantic?” Blaine said from the speakerphone.

Kurt groaned, turning back towards his bed to finish folding the rest of a large pile of laundry. “Maybe if it were for the right reasons,” he said, rolling a pair of socks together. “Or if I didn’t have to witness first hand their many, many break-ups and ‘we’re-back-together’s.”

“Isn’t love enough of a reason?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I mean, of course,” he answered. “But love aside, this is purely an issue of maturity, which frankly is something neither of them have. Let alone any sense of stability.”

“That’s fair. This is a bit… dramatic of them,” Blaine agreed. “And that’s coming from me.”

“The worst part is, it’s basically all my fault,” Kurt explained. “We had talked about my tether, and I guess it got him thinking about it all. He told me that she was his ‘constant’, and he was afraid of losing that, no matter what his own life and tether threw at him.”

“Admirable.”

“I know,” Kurt admitted, stopping his folding to rub the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “He has his head in the right place, but it just… I don’t know. I don’t think this is the right way to do it.”

The call fell to silence. Kurt meant it, and he knew it; he couldn’t argue wanting to keep love in his life when he so fervently fought to include Blaine in his future, despite his own issues, tether or otherwise. But marriage? Even as romantic as he was, couldn’t picture himself married. Not now, at least.

The silence, which was at first natural, now felt heavy. Kurt forced a shiver, shaking it off through his arms.

“Are we still on for tonight?” Kurt asked, a bit of a flurry rising in his chest. It was their usual date night, and while they hadn’t talked much at all this week, Kurt was looking forward to getting to actually see his boyfriend, especially now that he had a Valentine’s game to play along with.

“Oh, sure.”

Kurt stilled, his mouth quirking up, but it quickly faded as Blaine’s bland tone set in. “Well, don’t sound so excited.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine apologized, and Kurt’s smile dropped further, already knowing where this was going. “Can we rain check this week? I’m just really tired this week, and I’d hate for you to drive all the way out here just for me to be a vegetable.”

Kurt sighed, hoping it was small enough to go unnoticed. “Of course we can,” he answered, turning to sit on the edge of his bed. “I just miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“Are you feeling better, at least?”

“Yeah,” Blaine answered. His boyfriend then gave a small chuckle. “Though I think this mattress is going to have my butt imprinted in it permanently if my mom forces me to stay in bed any longer.”

Kurt let out a laugh of his own. “At least it’s a cute butt.”

“For now. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the Panera I’ve been impulsively ordering gets the best of it.”

“Well, I’ll still keep you and your broccoli cheddar bottom around,” Kurt smiled, looking down at his feet. “Unless my  _ secret admirer  _ wins me over first.”

“An admirer?” Blaine said. He sounded surprised, but even through the phone Kurt could pin his amusement. He cracked a cheeky grin, nodding to himself.

“They sure are spoiling me,” Kurt replied, giving an exaggerated, dreamy sigh. “They must know there’s a vacancy in my Arm Candy department lately. I definitely think they’re filling in that former-Warbler sized hole nicely.”

“How kind of them,” Blaine said, his smile clear through his words. “Don’t let them get too comfortable.”

“We’ll see.”

A knock at Kurt’s door interrupted them.

“Sorry, one moment,” he apologized quickly, grabbing his phone to click the speakerphone off. “Come in!”

The door pushed open slightly, revealing Finn, who had a concerned look on his face, peeking into the room at Kurt. 

“Can we talk?” he asked, the door pushing more ajar. In the boy’s hands were two mugs, which signaled to Kurt that his conversation with Blaine would have to be cut short.

"Sure,” he answered, holding his phone to his ear for a second. “I’ve got to go. Get some rest, okay?”

“I will,” Blaine responded.   
  
“I love you.”

“Love you.”

Kurt lowered his phone, quietly pressing the ‘end call’ button. He held the device in both hands, and looked expectantly up at Finn.

“Is he doing okay?” Finn asked, breaking a drawn out silence between them.

“As okay as he can be.”

Another pause. The air felt like it was full of static, the quiet deafening in Kurt’s ears.

After a few moments, Finn looked down at the mugs in his hands, then back up at Kurt. Sighing, Kurt waved him in, scooting himself back so he could pull his legs onto the bed. Finn obliged, stepping into the room, closing the door behind him with the back of his heel. He walked over to Kurt, handing him one of the mugs before sitting at the end of the bed.

Kurt wrapped his hands around the cup, letting the warmth seep into his fingers. “You know there’s trouble when the warm milk comes out before dinner.”

“Yeah,” Finn said, his voice low. Kurt could tell the reply had been cut short, and waited, sipping quietly on the drink.

Seconds passed as Finn visibly gathered his thoughts, resting his own mug stiffly on his lap. Kurt continued to wait, as much as he had his own things to say to his friend. Eventually, though, Finn swallowed, turning to look at Kurt.

“Look,” he started, his brown eyes solemn. “I know, back when I first told you, you told me that this was a mistake.”

“It is.”

“Okay,” Finn interrupted, annoyed. “And that’s fine if you think that. But I just wanted to tell you that I did actually listen to what you said.”

“If you did, you wouldn’t have gone through with it,” Kurt said, taking another sip.

“Can you stop?”

Kurt lowered his mug slightly, staring into the drink.

“I really want to talk to you about this,” Finn continued. Kurt lowered his cup further, turning to stare at his friend. After holding his gaze for a few moments, the other’s pleading look driving daggers straight into his heart, Kurt sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt apologized. “Stubborn know-it-all. You know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Finn said, his tone softening. Kurt couldn’t escape the small smile that played at both their lips, and let his shoulders drop, running a thumb along the top of his mug. 

“I just wanted to thank you.” Kurt raised his eyebrows at that. Finn gave a crooked smile, but it faded before giving an awkward half-hearted shrug. “I know you don’t support this, and that’s fine. And I didn’t think you would-- well, kinda of, but -- you didn’t tell Burt or my mom about this. Rachel and I both wanted to thank you for that.”

Finn paused, and Kurt offered a small nod. Eventually, the other swallowed again, and continued.

“But I wanted to thank you for calling me out on my crap. I know I want to marry Rachel. Like, fully, one-hundred percent she is the woman I want to marry. But you were right about the other things. The not seeing what I have going on outside of her,” he looked down at his milk, taking a sip before clearing his throat. “I’m not saying that I suddenly know what to do, or where I want to end up. But I can see now that, even if I know I want her by my side through everything, that she shouldn’t  _ be  _ my everything.”

“Right now, all I know is that you and her are both going to New York,” Finn continued. Kurt felt a nervous tug at his gut, but forced himself to quench it before it flared up. “And if that’s where you guys are going, then I want to be there too. I don’t need to be there, but I figure whatever I want to do, I can probably do with the two of the most important people in my life.”

“I actually don’t know if I’m going to New York anymore.”

It was Finn’s turn to look shocked. Kurt dropped his head, nervously tapping along the edge of the ceramic in his hands.

“But I thought you heard back from--”

“NYADA,” Kurt finished, stilling his hands. “I did, but it’s just a finalist letter. There’s no guarantee I’ll actually get it.”

Finn sat quietly. Kurt looked back up at him, watching as the boy shook his head slowly, giving a soft laugh.

“I mean, that’s crazy. Of course you’ll get it.”

“I might not, Finn.” Kurt’s next words were sharp, and he knew it. “And Rachel might not either.”

Kurt watched as the other’s expression shifted, first in shock, then his brows furrowed as he looked off, his realization slowly setting in.

“I talked to Ms. Pillsbury the other day,” Kurt started, stopping to take another sip of the drink. “I needed advice on a few things, and something I didn’t actually realize was that I had the exact opposite of your problem.” He paused, quietly chuckling to himself. “As it turns out, I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go, with absolutely zero plan if suddenly I couldn’t have that.”

“I don’t think it’s that different,” Finn said. “At least, that’s what I felt like with Rachel.”

Kurt hesitated.

"Not so easy to hear back, is it?” Finn said. Kurt knew it was a tease, but it was still laced in truth. Perhaps that’s why he felt so strongly about Finn’s decision, but he never realized it himself. He was chasing after a single dream as much as Finn was-- he just didn’t have to file taxes with it.

“No, it’s not,” Kurt admitted. Their eyes met again, but Kurt dropped his gaze again as embarrassment prickled at his cheeks. “Either way, Ms. Pillsbury helped me look up other schools. Mostly in New York, but also in other places. California, and Chicago. And as much as I know I want to-- need to-- be in New York, it doesn’t have to be now. Or even forever.”

“You just want to get out of Lima.”

Kurt nodded.

“Well, you will,” Finn said, so matter of factly that Kurt had to suppress a small laugh. “I’m serious. If you think I can get out of here, then there’s no reason you wouldn’t be able to. You’re unique and all too, as much as you want to say you’re not.”

“I guess I do make a mean souffle.”

“You also know how long to heat up milk for,” Finn added, swishing his cup around. “I feel like this is getting colder way faster.”

“Always use the stove,” Kurt offered. He tilted his mug towards his step-brother. “This is perfect, though. Thank you.”

“Yeah, thanks for letting me talk.”

They sat in silence once more, though noticeably more comfortable than before. Kurt scooted back, gesturing for Finn to pull himself further onto the mattress. He waited as the other pulled his legs up, sitting cross legged while Kurt leaned back against his headboard, his legs tucked under him.

“So,” Kurt started, eager to change the subject. “The football team is helping do the Valentine’s grams, hm?”

Finn nodded as lowered his mug, wiping his mouth with the back of his thumb. “Yeah. Well, us and some other schools. But we’re splitting the profits for little league.” 

“Was that where you were the other night?” Finn looked up at him, cocking his head. A few puzzle pieces clicked together in Kurt’s memory. “After we visited Blaine. I came home, and dad said you were out with some football friends.”

“Oh,” Finn said, his eyes lighting up. “Yeah, mostly. But some of us were just catching up too.”

Kurt looked at him from over his cup. “Are you guys just doing gorilla grams, or can you be hired for other things?” 

Finn’s gaze looked off again, his eyes squinting slightly before shrugging. “I mean, you can do a few things with the gorilla grams. Different candies and stuff. We’re pretty limited on balloon colors.”

“No secret Valentine’s elves?”

Finn looked back at him.

Kurt raised a brow, looking back down into his mug as he took another sip. “Blaine has seemingly managed to get a few gifts of his own in.” Finn was still staring at him blankly when Kurt’s gaze returned. “Every day, my ‘secret admirer’ seems to have left me yet another gift. Yesterday was a very familiar gorilla.”

“Familiar?”

“I have a suspicion that I knew him,” Kurt teased.

Finn’s face remained blank, but Kurt watched as something flashed in his eyes, right before the other looked away. “Must just be one of the guys on the team when you were with us.”

“I’m sure it was,” Kurt rolled his eyes. He stopped, however, noticing Finn’s face scrunch up in thought. “What?”

“Huh?”

“Why the weird look?”

“Oh, uh,” Finn stammered, shaking his head. “Nothing. I just remembered something someone said recently.” 

Kurt stared at him, his eyes narrowed in a suspicious glare. “About this?”

“No. Um, just the college stuff.”

“Uh-huh.”

Finn sat up a little straighter, setting his mug down in his lap as he looked back over at Kurt, his expression from before completely dropped. “So, what’s in Chicago?”

* * *

The murmur of conversation in the choir room was all but a dull ambience as Kurt sat in the back of the risers, his eyes drawn down. His fingers ran over the handwriting on the card he’d found yet again in his locker earlier that morning.

_ Bee mine forever. _

Another flutter in his stomach. Every morning, Kurt arrived at school anticipating the day’s gift, and every morning he was still surprised at just how much it brightened his mood. He’d gone into this week morose, upset that his chance to finally live the life every straight couple had flaunted every year prior had been dashed. But now? He was on top of the world-- even if that world was technically physically lonesome for the time being. All that mattered was how loved he felt. How much he was cared for, despite any difficulties or distance.

“Hey, loverboy.” Kurt looked up to find Santana standing over him, her neck craning to read over the card in his hands.

“What cheesy as hell card has Patchy the Pirate graced you with today?” she said, plopping herself in the chair right in front of him. Behind her, Brittany smiled over at him, taking the seat beside her girlfriend.

Kurt held up his card, and was less than surprised as Santana immediately made a face, sticking her finger into her mouth as she feigned a gag. Brittany, on the other hand, clasped her hands together excitedly.

“Oh my god, that is  _ so  _ cute!” She exclaimed, her face lighting up. Kurt shot her a grin right back, taking note as Santana’s own face softened as she turned to look at her girlfriend.

“What’s your tally so far? Any sign of the fugly dog?” Santana asked, gesturing back to the card.

Kurt quirked an eyebrow. “Sorry?”

“The dog card,” she repeated, her own head cocking. “You know, same cheesy bullcrap. What’d that one say-- let’s bone?” She made another face. “Ugh. Gross.”

“I-” Kurt started, his mind working to piece together what she was saying. He held the card back up, out towards her face. “Are  _ you  _ his delivery boy?”

“What?” she said, but quickly shook her head, gently pushing the card back to his chest and out of her face. “No, ew. I saw him card shopping this weekend, all cyclops’d out.”

Kurt’s breath hitched. She saw Blaine? If that was true, that meant that Blaine had been out of his house, which as far as he knew, his boyfriend hadn’t been able or willing to do. The only thing he could think of is that this apparent sighting was sometime after one of his many doctor’s visits he’d mentioned, but even then, he had just cancelled their date night this weekend.  A small pit of frustration built in his stomach. Even if it was just a momentary outing, Kurt couldn’t help but feel like Blaine had omitted some truth the last few days. As harmless as something as a quick shopping trip were, it felt like once again he was learning something about his boyfriend from someone else. And as much as he wanted to shake it off, and just chalk it up to a misunderstanding, something about it rubbed him the wrong way.

However, as he looked back down at the card in his hands, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. The cartoon bee looked back up at him, dumb googly eyes and all, acting as a reminder that even as he felt upset to not be hearing the entire story, his boyfriend still cared enough to want to remind him that he was there for him, even if just in spirit. It didn’t erase the fact that their communication issues seemingly lingered, but it was enough to remind Kurt of what really mattered this week-- reassurance.

Granted, as he thought more about it, he wasn’t sure if he  _ did  _ feel reassured.

“Oh,” Kurt said eventually, shaking his head as he waved the card in the air. “Well no. No dog yet. But I’m sure it will be just as disgustingly Pro-Homo as you’d imagine.”

Santana studied him, holding his gaze. He tried to decipher what was going on behind her eyes, but before he knew it, the moment had passed. She was opening her mouth to say something to Brittany, but Kurt cut her off.

“When did you say you saw him out?”

Santana looked back at him, blinking.

“Uh,” she turned to look at Brittany. “Sunday, right?”

Brittany nodded. “It was Target. Santana was getting snacks.”

The two girls looked back at him. Kurt’s eyes drifted between the pair, slowly organizing his thoughts. If he hadn’t bought the cards until Sunday, that was well after they’d visited him.  _ Finn was also home all weekend,  _ Kurt thought.  _ He wouldn’t have been able to get in contact with Blaine to get the cards.  _

Santana continued to stare at him, and Brittany looked on, confused, but a smile still plastered on her face. Whatever was going through his friend’s thoughts was quick to vanish, however, her blank face twisting into a more familiar smirk. Kurt felt some of the tension release from his shoulders, but a worry still lingered as the couple continued the conversation without him.

_ Does she know something more? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a calm before the storm.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long one, but hopefully the last of these bigger chunks! I just can't seem to find a good place to split them, so you have my apologies.
> 
> Tethered speak is bold italics, as a refresher!

Santana’s look lingered in Kurt’s mind well into the weekend, but knowing that he couldn’t let an irrational thought fester as a worry, he tried his best to push aside any lingering concern. Blaine helped this as well; curious, Kurt had texted him up front Saturday night about him being out-- though conveniently left out any indication that he had been told what Santana saw. His stress quickly eased as his boyfriend backed up his “well needed exercise” as a way to also get away from the claustrophobia of being stuck at home, surrounded by both his four bedroom walls and his smothering family members.

Even moreso, Blaine had quickly picked up the teasing about Kurt’s secret admirer, which only cleared any uneasy air further. Kurt thought it was reminiscent of their first months together; the light teasing and subtle flirts helped keep his heart aflutter, something that he had to admit had been lacking in the recent weeks, but was more than happy to have back. 

Sunday came quickly that weekend, but Kurt wasn’t about to complain. He stood in the kitchen, still pajama clad, pouring himself a second cup of coffee. The rest of the house had been quiet that morning, football season having just ended (apparently), meaning the boys were split in their own corners of the house. His dad and Carole had gone out for brunch and groceries, and Finn was presumably sleeping in, leaving the rest of the house open to both Kurt and Sam.

The blonde was seated in the dining room, completely absorbed in whatever craft project he had spread out across half of the table. He was painting something, his brows furrowed in focus as he held whatever it was up to his face to inspect. While Kurt had first assumed it had been something for school, the sheer display of reds and pinks in craft supplies led him to realize that whatever he was working on, it was definitely for the upcoming holiday-- which also meant it was definitely for Mercedes.

Kurt craned his neck, trying to get a better look at what his friend was working on, when the doorbell rang. The noise made Kurt jump slightly, and Sam looked up from the tablet, first at Kurt then at the direction of the door. Kurt was just about to put his mug back on the counter when from upstairs, a door was audibly flung open, quickly followed by a rush of muffled footsteps.

“I got it!” Finn called, his voice distant but echoing nonetheless. Kurt raised a brow, lifting his mug to blow on his coffee as his step-brother thudded his way down the stairs. Sam also seemed to have lost interest, returning back to his crafting. Leaning on the counter, Kurt held his mug with both hands, sipping idly as he watched Sam clink his paintbrush along the sides of a glass of water. Kurt made a face, realizing that the boy was using a drinking glass for his paint project.

He was about to open his mouth to say something when he was interrupted by the sound of rustling plastic coming from the living room. A few seconds later, a large bouquet of flowers walked it’s way into the kitchen. With a huff, Finn appeared behind it, setting the display on the counter in front of Kurt.

“What’s all that for?” Sam asked from the table, looking up at the pair. “Some wedding stuff?”

Finn shook his head as Kurt inspected the bouquet, noting the beautifully specific choice of flowers. His eyes caught the front of the tag, surprised to see the arrangement was from a local florist rather than a big-brand delivery service. Curious, Kurt flicked the card open, and let out a gasp.

“For me?!” he exclaimed, genuinely breathless. Carefully, he set down his mug, reaching once more for the tag, gently pulling it from the vase.

“Yeah. ‘Secret Admirer,” Finn said, grumpily pulling out a chair at the end of the table.

“Your enthusiasm is really making this moment truly wonderful,” Kurt said sarcastically. He couldn’t help but grin like a fool, his cheeks flush as he read the rest of the card.

> _ I ain’t dandelion-- you mean the world to me. _

“My dumb new gaming headset is lost in the mail,” Finn pouted. “I realized after I answered the door that it was Sunday.”

“Oh man,” Sam said, swirling his brush again in the glass. “The new Razer one?”   
  
“The Kraken, yeah.”

“That thing looks sick. You think you can let me borrow it?”

Kurt had no idea what they were talking about, and instead worked on unwrapping the bouquet from it’s plastic wrapping. Inside, Kurt inspected the flowers, only just now seeing how many different kinds there were. For the most part, the bouquet was white, filled with gardenias, daisies, tulips, and a few white roses. Around the edges lay sprigs of yarrow and clover, accenting the yellow of the daisies. It was incredibly pretty, and had an odd sense of specificity alongside it’s delicateness. 

The conversation at the table had faded off, both boys watching as Kurt gently pulled the flowers, fluffing up the display. Despite how much he’d been spoiled this week, it seemed as every day, Blaine was pulling more and more out; he wondered just how long the other had been planning this, or if in fact he had decided to do it to make up for their lack of companionship the last few weeks.

Kurt could feel eyes on him, and looked up to see Sam watching him. Finn, however, stared at the bouquet, squinting slightly in thought. Kurt squinted back at him, waiting for the other to notice. Eventually, the boy glanced at Kurt, his look lingering for a moment before fading as he turned in his seat, looking over to where Sam had returned to his craft.

“What’s this all for?” Finn asked. Kurt, giving one last look at the flowers, picked up his coffee mug once more, and stepped around the counter to join the other two at the table. He pulled out the seat next to Finn, and quietly slipped into it, sipping again at his drink.

Closer up, Kurt could see that Sam was daintily painting a small figure. The art projects were not uncommon by now, though had been a surprise at first. Shortly after Sam moved in with them in order to come back to McKinley, the guest room he was staying in practically exploded with various supplies. 

Neither of the brothers had known this side of him, but as the other made himself comfortable in the home, certain projects startled to trickle out from the boy’s room, and eventually into Kurt’s. Unfortunately for the rest of the household, the last few months had led to the two of them starting project after project, leaving trails of paper scraps, fabric remnants, pin cushions, paint brushes, and faux fur scattered behind them. Kurt loved Finn with all his heart, and appreciated how close they had become over the years, but he would be the first to admit that having another, more creative teen in the house was even more refreshing.

Unlike the projects Kurt had known, though, he knew immediately that this one was different. Sam would often work on things for others, both as gifts or for work, but it was very obvious that the thought and attention he was giving this meant it was for someone special. Someone fabulously special.

“Oh, uh,” Sam started, carefully painting a small design onto the figure. “Valentine’s Day. Saint Valentine.” Finishing his stroke, he turned the figure around, showing the two his progress. It seemed almost done, but with the care he was putting into it now, Kurt imagined that this process had been going on for quite a few days. 

“Saint like a pope guy?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, giving Finn a small smile. 

Kurt rolled his eyes, hoping neither of them had seen.

“That’s cool,” Finn said, giving a smile of his own. Kurt turned to look at Finn, whose next words were just gracing his thoughts. Kurt’s eyes went wide, knowing what he was about to ask.

“Is that for M-” Kurt kicked his foot out to the side, knocking into Finn’s leg sharply. Finn looked at him, surprised by the sudden hit. Kurt gave him a knowing look, and watched as realization swiftly set on his friend’s face.

“Your mom?” Finn offered, licking his lips nervously. Kurt buried his nose in his mug, entirely not caffeinated enough for any potential Mercedes talk. He hadn’t even gotten her to fully open up about it yet, and certainly didn’t want to witness Sam’s clearly equally as difficult emotions about it. He loved them both dearly, but what they were dealing with was something that Kurt couldn’t find the words to help with even if he tried. Nothing that either of them didn’t already know, at least.

Sam’s sad smile as he focused back on painting let both the boys know that the question had been caught. Kurt could feel his friend’s broken heart from across the table, like an icicle shattering on pavement. “Yeah.”

The three of them sat in silence for a few moments. Kurt sipped quietly at his coffee, while Finn eventually got up from his seat to head into the kitchen, opening the fridge. Kurt could hear the familiar sound of the boy drinking directly from the milk carton, and did his best to ignore it, instead watching as Sam worked.

“He really likes you, huh?” Finn said suddenly, causing Kurt’s head to turn. His step-brother was looking at the card, gallon of milk still in hand as he read the note. 

Kurt stifled a small giggle, holding his mug gently. “I would hope it’s a bit more than ‘likes’,” he replied.

Finn’s gaze lingered on the note for a few moments before looking up at Kurt. Again, something crossed his eyes, but any questions Kurt had about it faded as the boy shot him a small, crooked smile.

“Happy for you, dude.”

Kurt smiled right back.

He sat at the table for another ten minutes, the conversation turning more into that of familiar chatter than anything particularly serious. As Kurt finished his drink, he stood up from the table, leaving the other two discussing some video game that was about to come out. After placing his mug in the dishwasher, he turned towards his gift, scooping the remnants of the protective plastic wrapping and tossing them in the trash. He picked up the vase, and retreated back upstairs to his room.

Once there, he crossed the room towards his windows, and carefully set the arrangement on his vanity. Giving it another quick fluff, he let out a dreamy sigh, moved back towards his bed, sitting on the edge to look at the flowers. 

Beside the flowers, the now sizable stack of valentines was spread across the top of the vanity. Their bright colors were a stark contrast against both the white furniture and light flowers, but the emotion Kurt felt with them was all the same. No matter how much he and Blaine went through, he was still so grateful to have him-- even like this, in far-away gifts and longing texts. Before, he’d considered himself destined for a life of heartbreak, or even a lack of opportunity to break his heart at all. But each day, he woke up knowing that somewhere out there, someone was thinking of him every day. Someone thought he was worthy of being loved, and cherished.

Giving another small sigh, Kurt fell onto his back, letting his legs dangle off the bed. He’d never been happier.

Which…

Kurt closed his eyes, smile still lingering on his face as his focus drifted. After a few moments, he felt the connection reciprocate, and let out a soft chuckle.

**_Hey, stranger,_ ** Kurt greeted.

**_Says the one who ‘needed a break’,_ ** his tether replied, Kurt easily picking up the teasing undertones.  **_You feeling better, I take it?_ **

**_One-hundred percent._ **

**_Yeah, I can tell,_ ** the voice replied, giving a soft chuckle that warmed Kurt’s cheeks.  **_Glad to hear it._ **

Kurt rolled his shoulders, sitting back up.  **_How are you?_ ** He asked, pulling his feet up onto the mattress before scooting back, resting instead with his head against his headboard.  **_I noticed I haven’t… well, noticed you much. So hopefully well?_ **

**_Yeah,_ ** the voice replied.  **_I’m doing good. Been keeping myself busy._ **

**_Schoolwork?_ ** Kurt asked. He wasn’t sure if the other had a schooling system adjacent to his, but to the best of his knowledge most schools would have started pulling into that final stretch come second semester.

**_Yeah, a bit._ **

Kurt raised his brow. Something in his chest had fluttered, which drove up his curiosity. **_Schoolwork, and something else?_ **

A nervous laugh, accompanied with the same flutter as before.  **_What are you, a cop?_ **

Kurt laughed, and then shifted, pulling himself up slightly with a grin.  **_I know that feeling,_ ** he explained, glancing back at his vanity.  **_Who is he?_ **

**_What, just because it’s Valentine’s season you’re going to make assumptions?_ ** The voice replied. Kurt could hear the smile behind it.

**_I sure am._ **

His tether sighed, giving another soft laugh.  **_He’s just a friend._ **

**_Uh-huh,_ ** Kurt teased. He could almost instantly feel the eyeroll the other gave him. It had been a while since a friend of his had a romantic inclination that wasn’t laced with drama, so he was ready to completely milk whatever his tether had to offer.

**_He is,_ ** the voice said, still airy and light.  **_I’ve known him for a while, and I only just learned that I might have a chance with him._ **

Kurt quirked a brow, invested.  **_Former straight?_ **

Another laugh.  **_No, not at all._ **

Kurt waited eagerly, hoping that his tether could sense his full intention to pry for as many details as possible. His heart started to beat a bit faster, but he wasn’t sure if this was from the other’s thoughts, or his own selfish excitement.

The other sighed again, a bit heavier than before.  **_We were really close last year-- well, kind of. We_ ** **got** **_really close, I should say. But we ended up not really talking that much through summer. He already had a boyfriend and everything, and I’m not really out to a lot of people, so it wouldn’t have worked,_ **

Kurt nodded, mostly to himself.

**_Recently, though,_ ** the other continued, pausing for a moment.  **_I found out that they’re not really together anymore. I don’t think anyone else really knows, though-- it sounds like they’re just keeping up appearances._ **

Kurt’s mouth parted, completely enthralled.  **_Do you know why?_ **

The other shook his head; Kurt let out a soft giggle at this, picking up that the other shared his quirk of doing this despite being alone. 

**_I think their friends are just really invested in them,_ ** the other explained.

**_Been there,_ ** Kurt interjected. 

**_Yeah, same._ **

**_How did you find out, then?_ ** Kurt asked.  **_You mentioned that you haven’t really talked._ **

**_Right, yeah,_ ** the voice answered, gathering his thoughts.  **_I ended up hanging out with him a few weeks ago. He and his boyfriend were both there, but his boyfriend was hanging out with my friend more during it all. I thought at first it was weird, but then I started seeing how my friend talked about him, and how much they hung out after that day._ **

Kurt held his breath, suddenly concerned.  **_Was he cheating?_ ** The drama.

Another head shake, which allowed Kurt to breathe again in relief.  **_No. My friend told me that they were just talking, and he’s not usually pretty serious, but he was. And any time I saw them together, it was just as friends. But my friend really liked him, and it was clear this boyfriend liked him too._ **

**_Anyway,_ ** the other continued.  **_One of my other friends is really close to my, uh…_ ** A pause, the flutter returning. Kurt felt like he was back in elementary school with how the other was feeling. There was something so innocent, and gentle, but the passion was still there.  **_My crush,_ ** his tether said, completing the thought.  **_He had said something about him and his boyfriend being distant lately, and I guess that was the first anyone really noticed there was something wrong. And I guess recently they completely stopped hanging out. My other friend just mentioned that too, actually,_ ** he added.  **_So I think they might have decided to make it official._ **

Kurt nodded, again, despite the empty room. However, a twinge of concern bubbled inside him at his tether’s words.  **_Are you planning on asking him out, then?_ ** he asked. He didn’t want to say it, but he wondered if the other was also concerned it might have been too soon. The two of them seemed to think fairly similarly in most things, if only a bit disjointed at times, but he’d hate to hear the other having his own heart broken if things weren’t going to work out.

As his stomach did a small flip, Kurt got his answer before it was spoken.

**_Yeah,_ ** his tether admitted. Kurt could pick up on a small pang of worry, but it was swept away quickly.  **_Well, not really._ **

Kurt let out another sigh of relief. Weird, how concerned he was for someone he knew so little about.

**_I kind of just…. I don’t know,_ ** the voice continued. Kurt found himself nervously fumbling his hands, almost as a conscious effort to keep them busy.  **_I just want to get my feelings out there. He’s only ever been honest with me, and with how much history we have together, I want to be honest to him._ **

Kurt’s heart clenched in his chest. The emotion the other was feeling was so raw, and even what was left unsaid was clear in Kurt’s mind-- there was nothing but love behind his words.

**_That’s very admirable,_ ** Kurt said. He wished he could offer more, but again, he felt as if nothing he could say would add any new perspective. Instead, he looked down at his hands, which had stilled from their fumbling. His lips quirking in a soft smile, he tightened his grip on one of them, firmly holding the other. After a few quiet moments, there was a sense of weight being lifted between them, and Kurt felt the gesture returned, staring in awe at a gentle squeeze that was not there.

**_Thanks,_ ** the other finally said, his own voice a little lighter.  **_He’s the one who taught me how to be that._ **

**_Ugh,_ ** Kurt groaned, pulling his hands to his face to hide a heavy blush and soft grin.  **_I barely know you and I’m thoroughly enamored just hearing that._ **

His tether laughed, a welcome change in the air between them.  **_Well if I turn out to be a moron and fuck this up, you can have dibs next._ **

Kurt laughed out loud, a bit more than he would have liked. He looked over at his door, which he had seemingly left open. He hadn’t heard either of the others come back upstairs, though, so he figured they had (hopefully) not heard.

**_Well, no Secret Hidden Breakup on my end, so you’re out of luck,_ ** Kurt played, stretching his legs out in front of him. He rubbed his hands on his thighs, pointing his toes out. 

**_Committed relationship? Brag about it._ **

**_We can’t all be perfect._ ** Kurt replied, leaning back against his pillows. 

**_That good, huh?_ ** The voice asked.

**_Mm-hm,_ ** Kurt answered, tucking his hands under the backs of his thighs.  **_He’s always loved the holiday, and has spent every waking moment making it known that he feels the same way about me._ **

**_Ugh. Don’t actually brag about it,_ ** the other groaned, but Kurt could hear his playful tone he was trying to hide.  **_I’m jealous._ **

**_Hey, maybe soon._ **

**_Maybe,_ ** the other replied, then gave a laugh.  **_Hopefully._ **

They fell into a comfortable silence. With it, Kurt realized that the comfort came so naturally between them. He’d known the familiarity before, and how he shared it with others aside from his tether, but it was never something that he had bothered to address directly. Whoever his tether was, Kurt was beginning to understand this bond more and more with every conversation, and just how important the “tether” was. Not just to him, but to anyone with the connection. He knew that many people did not want much to do with the hand of fate dealt to them, but even if they “broke” their connection, Kurt wondered if they shared his comfort in knowing that, out there somewhere, they were never truly alone.

**_Can I just say..._ ** Kurt started, shifting his tone to something a bit more heartfelt. It was still light, but the more apparent levity from before had left in a conscious effort.  **_I’m really thankful for you._ **

Kurt could tell that caught the other off guard. Their connection didn’t waver, but there was a motion in it that Kurt hadn’t felt before. Silence continued to carry, so Kurt took the opportunity to get the rest of his thoughts out.

**_I’ve realized lately that I have a lot of uncertainties in life,_ ** he continued, pulling his hands back into his lap. He considered his next words carefully.  **_I think, knowing that I have this one ‘certainty’ that is actually there to help me is comforting-- whether or not we continue to share the connection._ **

A few beats. Kurt felt anxious, but quickly realized his heart racing was more akin to joy than nerves.

**_I feel the same,_ ** his tether agreed. There was a hesitation there still, but Kurt didn’t pry; he knew now that the other was open and honest, and knew that if the unsaid was to be addressed, it would be done so when it needed to be.  **_I have realized a lot lately too. Having you and knowing who you are has helped me come to terms with the fact that I might not be a total screw up._ **

Kurt let out a breathy laugh. Beside him, he felt that presence from before, back in the auditorium. However, this time Kurt wasn’t left uneasy at the sensation-- instead, he wanted nothing more than to not let it go.

* * *

In great contrast to what was a rather refreshing weekend, Monday had arrived and thrown everyone in for an emotional ride once again.

Kurt could assume that whatever Sam had been planning over the weekend backfired into a storm of heartache, if Mercedes holding back tears through a rendition of Whitney’s “I Will Always Love You” had any tell. The rest of the club had known for a while that the two were dealing with whatever it was they were feeling, but finally seeing all that pining come to fruition took a toll on all of them. Sam barely made it through the song as is, completely running off just as Mercedes had finished, while the others were left wiping their own tears, brought on by both the beautiful performance and the sheer, raw emotion Mercedes had laced into it.

Thankfully, despite her own lingering tears, Sugar had decided to be the stronger of the bunch, saving Mercedes from any further embarrassment or awkwardness by instead throwing all of her own shame to the wind. The club endured a Sugar-fied rendition of The Bangles’ “Eternal Flame”, which was a welcome tone shift, even if it was a bit painful in other ways.

During his next class, Kurt texted Mercedes to remind her that he was there for her, whatever she may need. He followed up with a text to Sam just after, offering the same. Sam immediately opened his message but did not respond, whereas Mercedes offered a simple heart emoji, which was enough to put Kurt’s mind at ease. Nevertheless, he could not focus much on his biology lecture, and instead had spent the class doodling alongside the notes he had started but quickly drifted away from.

Lunch rolled around, and Kurt stopped at his locker to drop off his books. He knew by now that if he had not received a gift in the morning, then it would appear out of thin air around lunch time. Spinning out his combination, he carefully clicked open his locker, peeking inside before opening it fully. Sure enough, a card was sitting on top of his spare sweater he kept with him, a messy cursive “K.H.” scrawled across it. Smiling to himself, he slipped his books from his bag, placing them inside the locker before taking the card out.

As he slid a finger under the flap to open it, Finn appeared beside him, leaning against the lockers.

“New card?” he asked, sounding tired. Kurt glanced up at him, realizing that his step-brother looking as exhausted as he felt was a sign that glee had truly emotionally drained them all for the rest of the day. 

Kurt nodded, tearing the envelope open. Finn looked on in an unusual interest, but Kurt was happy to show off today’s card. Today, it was a small cartoon pizza carrying a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Opening it up revealed a small “you’ve stolen a pizza my heart”, followed by the usual sign off of his “secret admirer”.

“This is the cheesiest so far,” Kurt joked, though the pun seemed lost on Finn as the other stared at him blankly. Kurt giggled to himself, hanging the new card up with a magnet on the inside of the locker door before closing it, spinning the lock a few times before turning away. Finn pushed off heavily from the lockers, falling into step beside him as the pair made their way towards the cafeteria. 

“You think you could help me tonight?” Finn asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Rachel’s dads are throwing some Valentine’s dinner tomorrow, and I don’t know what I should wear.”

“Of course,” Kurt answered happily, though a realization clicked right after. “Wait, so you’re not going to Sugar’s party?” he asked, looking over at the other.

Finn shook his head, but noticeably stiffened in hesitation. “Oh man,” he said apologetically, looking over at Kurt with worried eyes. “I forgot you wanted to go with us. Is Blaine still not going to make it?”

It was Kurt’s turn to shake his head, but gave a small wave to dismiss the other’s concern. “It’s fine, I don’t have to go. I think it would just be too depressing anyway.”

“Why don’t you ask Artie?” Finn offered. “He’s been pretty down about the whole Sugar thing.”

Kurt considered it, cocking his head. While Sugar had said initially that it was a Singles-Free event, she seems to have not necessarily been policing who was going, as a majority of the Glee club was still planning on attending. It would be nice to have a friend there that was also not celebrating, whatever the reason. Plus, he genuinely liked Artie, and out of all of the Glee Singles he imagined he might at least have the most fun with him.

“That’s not a bad idea,” he said after a moment, nodding to himself. The pair rounded the corner of the hall, making their way through the cafeteria doors. Before they could make it to the food line, however, Finn’s attention was suddenly drawn elsewhere. Kurt turned his head to look at where the other had looked, but was quickly given a light pat on the arm.

“Hey, save me a seat?” Finn asked, barely getting the question out before stepping away. Kurt’s small nod went unnoticed as Kurt turned around, his eyes following where the other had suddenly taken off to. He watched as his friend slowed, stopping Santana as she walked along with Brittany. He seemed to ask her something, and the two excused themselves from Brittany, who instead continued on without them towards the Cheerio’s table.

Kurt watched curiously, wondering what Finn could need with the cheerleader, but shrugged it off, instead turning back to the line. He got his food quickly, and made his way over towards the usual glee club table, where coincidentally only Artie had beat him to first.

“Hey Artie,” Kurt greeted, setting his tray down on the table across from Artie, pulling out the chair to slip into.

“Sup,” the other greeted, looking just as drained as Finn had. Kurt hadn’t seen much of him last week, but had heard from Puck that he had been truly running a competition to Sugar’s heart with Rory. From what Kurt could deduce in glee, it seemed as if Rory had finally claimed victory a few days ago. After how rough his friend had seemed to have it with his romances the last few years, Kurt couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

“I actually wanted to ask you something,” Kurt said, pulling off his bag and setting it on the table beside his lunch tray. Artie looked on expectedly, a single brow raised slightly over the rim of his glasses as he pulled open a bag of chips in front of him.

“Would you like to go to Sugar’s party with me?” Kurt asked. Artie’s other eyebrow jerked up in surprise, sitting up slightly. 

“Are you not going with Blaine?” Artie said.

Kurt shook his head, picking up the apple on his tray to peel at the sticker on it. “He’s still on the no-fly list because of his surgery.”

“Well,” Artie said after a moment, slumping a bit in his chair as he tossed a chip into his mouth. “It’s unfortunate timing for the Pity Dates to start rolling in.” Kurt looked up at him in surprise. “Mike and Tina asked me to go already.”

“Oh,” Kurt said, but the smile playing at the corner of Artie’s lips gave away what was to follow. 

“Please go with me, though,” Artie begged, dropping his bag on his tray before dramatically reaching across the table towards Kurt. “Please. Don’t get me wrong, I love them both, and I’d be down to pity-date them at any other time, but you saw how Tina was this week. I can’t do it, Kurt.”

Kurt chuckled, knowing full-well the dramatics Artie was referring to. The couple was guilty of being incredibly PDA as is, but he can’t imagine what it would be like to third wheel them during the holiday. He set his apple back down, and instead reached across to Artie, grabbing the boy’s hands lightly. “I’ll save you.”

“Bless you,” Artie said. It was said jokingly, but Kurt could see the genuine relief in his eyes, which helped himself feel a bit better as well. To their side, Puck appeared, pulling out a chair beside Artie.

“What’d I miss?” he asked, setting down his own lunch tray with a clatter before dropping into his seat.

“We’re in love,” Artie said, making a point to gently shake Kurt’s hands before pulling away. Kurt chuckled again, returning to his own food.

“Finally,” Puck said, already having managed to tear open his package of cookies, his mouth stuffed. On the opposite side, Tina and Mike both appeared at once, pulling out their chairs as well.

“I hope you don’t mind if I crash your three-way-date tomorrow,” Kurt said to them, gesturing back to Artie. “I asked Artie if he wanted to go together, but he said he was already going with you two.”

The couple shook their heads, both giving soft smiles.

“Not at all, dude,” Mike reassured, throwing an arm around the back of Tina’s seat.

The group fell into conversation quickly, per their usual routine. One by one the rest of the members arrived, though noticeably absent were Sam and Mercedes. Nobody seemed surprised by that, however, and carried on as they would usually. Finn eventually returned, who Kurt gave a questioning look to as he settled into the chair beside him, Rachel following just behind. Kurt moved his bag from the table so Finn could put his tray down, moving to hang it off the back of his chair instead.

“What did you need to talk to Santana about?” Kurt asked him, which earned an equally as curious look from Rachel.

“Uh, just about the Valentine’s stuff the teams were all doing,” he explained. Notably, he seemed to be avoiding looking back at him, and instead was hyper fixated on getting a bag of carrots open. Normally, Kurt would assume that he was disinterested, but something about the avoidance had Kurt’s nerves tickled. He wasn’t sure how to proceed with any questioning, however, so with a quick sideways glance, Kurt hummed a small noise of response, doing his best to conceal his suspicions.

The memory of Santana’s look of Friday was still burned in his mind, and now, he assumed that Finn was also keeping more than he was letting on. But what, Kurt couldn’t tell.

* * *

Unfortunately for Kurt, his plans for the day were yet again muddled, this time as soon as he’d gotten to school.

Valentine’s Day had arrived, and Kurt had been feeling relatively fine. He’d exchanged a few cutesy texts with Blaine earlier in the morning, surprised to find his boyfriend up early, but delighted nonetheless. He’d followed up with a text to Artie confirming that they’d meet at Sugar’s party later that evening, which gave him something to at least look forward to during a day he’d surely be forced to painfully endure everyone and their significant other actually-- and aggressively-- celebrating the holiday.

As he did his locker routine that morning, however, instead of the usual store-bought card he’d grown to expect waiting for him, it was instead a hand-crafted paper heart resting on top of his books. Curious, Kurt pulled open the locker door the rest of the way, reaching for the card.

> _ Kurt, _
> 
> _ Meet me tonight at Breadstix. _
> 
> _ Be sure to ba-guette there early. _
> 
> _ Your Secret Admirer _

Kurt’s heart nearly pounded out of his body. Tonight? He reread the letter to make sure what was written was correct, which only increased the excited fluttering inside his chest. After all this, it seems as if his “secret admirer” had been playing a bit of a long con.

_ Of course he was,  _ Kurt thought to himself, a large grin breaking over his face. As he’d done for the rest, he pinned the card to the locker door, his fingers grazing over the decorative edging. His heart continued to race as his excitement built further. Here he’d been, thinking that Blaine would be willing to miss out on their first Valentine’s together.

_ I wonder if that could mean…  _ he thought, glancing over his shoulder to where Finn was fumbling at his locker. Just past him, across the hall, Santana was happily smooching Brittany. The one thing his two friends seemed to have in common this week was their weird energy regarding all of Kurt’s admirer saga, which led him to finally piece the rest of the story together.  _ My little Cupid’s helpers. _

Kurt got the rest of his things out of his locker, a smile still plastered on his face. Any of his concerns from the last few days about the two giving him weird looks or sneaking of together faded as he realized that they’d simply just been working behind his back to get Blaine’s things to him. That’s obviously where Finn had gone off to that weekend after all.

Humming to himself, he took one last look at the final Valentine before sighing, closing his locker.

* * *

After spending the rest of the day with his head in the rose-tinted clouds, Kurt stood in his bathroom mirror, fretting over his hair one final time before forcing himself to believe it was as perfect as it could get. The rest of the house had fallen empty shortly after he’d gotten home. Sam was the first to leave, off for his final practice with the rest of the God Squad before they performed later that night, and Finn and their parents had left shortly after to attend the Berry’s holiday dinner.

Kurt kept himself from texting Blaine much more throughout the day, trying to keep up the game as long as Blaine was willing to play it. He had mentioned Breadstix, but only that he would be attending the party sans-Blaine, with his new “stand in” boyfriend Artie. Unfortunately, he did in fact have to update Artie that he would have to rain check their pity date, which left his friend understandably disappointed. He did feel bad, especially because he knew that he was forcing his friend back into an odd third wheel position, but he hoped that he would understand.

Blaine, on the other hand, seemed to tease right back, claiming that “he might have to show up and change that”. That only furthered Kurt’s impatience, leaving him to giddily skip around his bedroom as he finished getting ready.

Picking up the magenta blazer he’d set on his bed, Kurt stuffed his phone and wallet into his jeans pockets, and grabbed his keys from the top of his dresser. He started to make his way out of the doorway, but stopped, glancing back over his shoulder at his vanity. The piece of furniture had been completely filled at this point, the heart-shaped card from earlier lying flat on the top, the other cards neatly standing around it. Smiling, Kurt turned back on his heel, walking over towards the display. Giving the bouquet of flowers one last small sniff, he picked up the heart card, careful tucking it under his arm with his jacket.

Padding his way through the hall, he made his way down the stairs, feeling lighter than air. As he left the house, locking the door behind him, the sun had just dropped below the horizon, leaving the streets bathed in a soft, fading glow. It had been a bit warmer during the day, but as the sun disappeared, Kurt shivered as the winter chill began to set in. Quickly, Kurt made his way to his car, eager to get his heater blasting.

The drive to Breadstix was not long at all in distance, but for Kurt, it felt like it had taken hours. By the time he’d reached the dimly lit parking lot, he was practically vibrating in his seat, too excited to sit still. The restaurant itself appeared fairly normal from the outside aside from a few bunches of balloons near the entrance. Inside, however, Kurt could make out a flurry of decorations, including what appeared to be a giant sign hanging on a back wall.

He pulled into an empty space close to the building, taking a moment to look around at the other cars parked around him. Squinting, he tried to make out Blaine’s station wagon among them, but couldn’t find it. Kurt looked at the clock on his center dash, confirming that he wasn’t  _ too  _ early.

_ I wish he had given an actual time,  _ Kurt thought, rolling his eyes with a small smile. He shut off his car, clicking his seatbelt off so he could pull his blazer on. He threw it on quickly, taking a moment to straighten out the lapels and sleeves before grabbing the valentine he’d brought with him. As he turned to reach for the door, a sudden wave of nausea came over him, stopping him in his tracks.

His hand stilled over the handle, he covered his mouth with the back of his other hand, taking a minute to calm his breathing.  _ How long was I hyperventilating? _

After a few moments his body seemed to readjust, but his nerves remained.  _ I need to chill,  _ he told himself, shaking his head as he forced a small laugh. He knew how easily he could get worked up from his excitement, but he wasn’t about to let himself pass out in a parking lot. Though, he supposed it would have been ironically full-circle for Blaine to scoop him into his arms from the pavement; at least Kurt wouldn’t be sticky with slushie.

His nerves still dancing, Kurt made his way to the front door, taking one last deep breath before pulling the glass door open.

He peeked inside with a large smile before stepping through the doorway. Looking around at the guests inside, his eyes searched for a set of dark, gelled locks. However, aside from a few occupied tables, the restaurant was mostly empty, and Blaine appeared to not be inside. He could feel his face drop, his smile faltering as an older waitress stepped towards him.

“FYI, we’ve got a private party here tonight, hon,” she said, barely finished before turning away to continue placing table settings.

“Oh, I know!” Kurt said, bouncing on his toes a little. “I know. I’m early. Well, according to this I’m early,” he flashed his valentine to the woman’s back, who was already bent over at a nearby table. Feeling a bit awkward, he followed her over, taking another quick glance around the room.

“I’m supposed to be meeting my cutie here for a long overdue reunion,” he explained, though his words trailed off. His nerves fluttered to life once more, and the waitress looked up at him with a small smile. Off to the side, Kurt heard the front doors click open, the waitress’ eyes darting to them before shooting Kurt a bright smile.

“I see,” he teased, turning away from the table, leaving Kurt standing alone.

Eyes wide, and his heart racing, Kurt turned back towards the direction of the noise, his eyes meeting with the darkened sockets of a gorilla costume. Kurt felt his heart soar on the spot, a deep rush of love causing him to practically bounce right out of his shoes. A huge smile broke across his face as he excitedly turned to face his “admirer”.

“I knew it,” he grinned. And it was true-- he knew what he had felt last week with the first gorilla encounter had been real. He had still assumed it had been Finn, but now, here the same costumed figure stood, and Kurt felt just the same, meaning that it had clearly been Blaine all along.  _ It’s a good plan,  _ he mused, taking in the sight in front of him.  _ This costume masks his features and height. _

The gorilla - Blaine - gave a shrug, then handed Kurt a small box. Kurt took it with an elated gasp.

"Ooh, See’s Candies!” he exclaimed, holding the box in his hands. His heart felt like it was about to explode, wanting nothing more than to simply pull his boyfriend into his arms right then and there, pulling off that hideous mask and giving him a well-deserved kiss. He took a pause, though, noticing a small note taped to the front of the box. He held up the chocolates a bit higher, reading the note aloud.

> _ “Dear Kurt,  _
> 
> _ Happy Valentine’s Day. _
> 
> _ I think I love you.” _

Kurt cocked his head, amused. “Wait, you  _ think _ you love me?” he asked, looking back up at Blaine. Did Finn tell him about the joke he’d made when he got the flowers?

The next few moments moved in slow motion. As realization slowly set in, the gorilla’s-- not Blaine’s-- hands moved to remove it’s mask. Kurt’s heart, which seemed to be both pounding and stopping all at once, clutched in his chest. It felt like ages before the other had completed the motion, and as the mask was brought down, Kurt could make out the top of a head, his stomach dropping as he realized it truly was not his boyfriend. Then, even lower still, a pair of familiar eyes appeared, much lighter and full of joy than Kurt had ever seen, complimented further by a shy, bright smile.

_ David… _

“Karofsky?” Kurt completed his thought, the name coming out in a gasp.

David Karofsky swung on his heels, a blush creeping up on his cheeks. 

Kurt felt like he was about to faint. It was if a rug he was standing on was just swept away from beneath him, leaving him in a freefall. Details he thought he’d worked out over the last week were suddenly tossed from his mind, leaving him with a new reality that he had no idea was even a possibility. Part of him wanted to run away, but something kept him grounded-- resistance, need, shock, whatever it was, Kurt remained standing in front of Dave.

“Can we talk?” Dave asked, his voice soft and warm. He sounded like a different person than Kurt remembered, but altogether, the familiarity of it helped ground him. 

Silently, Kurt nodded, but his feet refused to move. Dave didn’t seem to mind, instead giving a small chuckle as he shyly dipped his head, gesturing to a nearby booth. Kurt’s body instinctively followed the other, and gently slipped itself into the seat. Dave paused at the side of the table, quickly stepping out of the gorilla suit before sliding into the seat across from him.

The waitress, who clearly had been eavesdropping, appeared quickly, giving Dave a warm look before turning to face Kurt.

“Can I get you a drink?” she asked, flipping open a notebook from her apron’s pocket.

Kurt couldn’t take his eyes off Dave, who seemed to be having the same issue. His friend, however, ducked his head once more, glancing at his lap,, which drew Kurt from his trance.

“A drink?” Kurt asked her, wracking his brain for some kind of answer. Finally, words seemed to work again, his brain throwing out the first thing he could think of. “A coke? Please,” he added, giving her a small nod. She turned back to Dave, who asked for water, and then gave them both a small wink before whisking herself away.

Left yet again in an awkward silence, Kurt looked back at Dave, who had nervously folded his hands on his lap. Kurt’s own were resting on the table, clasped together as he rolled his thumbs together. 

“It’s good to see you again,” Dave said, a bit more formal than Kurt’s heard him in the past, but there was lightness in his voice. It certainly helped that his small smile had an infectious quality to it, and if Kurt wasn’t so absolutely sure, he would have assumed this was a completely different person than the one he’d seen months ago.

“November?” Kurt said, his voice bleak. Dave nodded, ducking his head in a small laugh. Something twinged in Kurt’s chest. Their waitress reappeared, quickly setting their drinks down before fluttering off again, clearly noting that the two needed some time alone together, but Kurt almost wanted to flag her back down just so he could have a few more moments to avoid all of this.

“Yeah,” Dave said, shifting in his seat. Kurt mirrored the motion, the other’s clear nerves as infectious as his smiles. “I’ve been planning this for a while, though. Asking you out, I mean.”

Those last words seemed to finally kickstart Kurt’s mind. Suddenly, he was dropped back into his body instead of floating above it, alongside the puzzle pieces of the situation that slowly clicked back into place. There was a fire drawn inside him, his nerves still buzzing as reality began to settle.

“So, you tormented me...” he started, trying his best to pull together what Dave was trying to convey. “Shoved me into lockers, called me horrible names and hate-kissed me. Now, after one conversation in a bar, you want us to be together?” he asked, cocking his head. He couldn’t make sense of it, even sounding it out. It was absurd, and unexpected.

Right?

Dave just shook his head, still giving Kurt a soft smile as he explained. “When I was at McKinley, I hated who I was. I took that out on you because… there you were, so proud.”

His smile dropped a bit, and Kurt found himself leaning in slightly, his hands resting together on the table top. Beside them, Kurt’s coke fizzled. 

“I've wanted to call you since that night at Scandals,” Dave continued, the anxious glances Kurt had known in the past returning. Even still, this Dave was different. There was something so honest and real about him and what he was saying. It didn’t make any sense to Kurt; he was just… well, himself after all. If even that, if that last few months were any indication of his sense of self. Especially at Scandals that night, which lay so heavy in Kurt’s mind. How did Dave see anything other than his melancholy?

The floaty feeling threatened to return, and Kurt knew he needed to find something to hold onto before everything came tumbling down later.

_ Something to hold... _

“It's taken me a while,” Dave continued, unaware of Kurt’s inner turmoil. Kurt watched as he reached out a trembling hand, his heart skipping a beat as it rested on top of his own. “But for the first time in my life, I'm trying to be honest about what I feel.”

Kurt felt like he couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t even sure he was. All he could feel was the soft, gentle grasp of Dave’s hand, their fingers barely grazing but feeling clasped all the same. 

Kurt gently pulled his hands away, maybe a few moments too late.

"And I'm flattered,” Kurt said, which was true. This confession, and feeling of being wanted. This was all Kurt wanted, and everything he thought he had this week.  _ I did have it,  _ Kurt thought, looking down at Dave’s hands.  _ But why?  _ “I... I really am, but David, you just think that you love me. You don't really love me,” Kurt finished shaking his head. How could Dave love him? What has Kurt given him?

“You've helped me so much, Kurt, you don't know,” Dave started, cutting himself off with a shrug. He leaned forward, and for a moment Kurt expected him to take his hands again. But they remained on the table, still outstretched. “I haven't come out at school yet, but maybe I will next year. We-”

“David, look,” Kurt interjected, a bit more forceful than he’d intended, but the tone seemed to pull Dave from his thoughts. “I am so proud of you for...for coming so far.”

He was.

“And I want you to be happy.”   
  
He did.

“And you will be happy…”

Dave’s hand gesture did not go unnoticed. Kurt felt himself wanting to take it.

“But, I'm with Blaine.”

As Kurt came crashing down, nothing there to guide him down, he watched as Dave’s face fell with him. It felt as if Dave’s whole body fell with him, in fact, the two of them crashing right back down into the earth with a thud. But Kurt knew he had to say it. He had to keep that ground beneath them, as much as it hurt him to do so. He wasn’t quite sure why it was hurting so much.

“And... I like you. But just as friends.”

Every ounce of heartbreak Kurt had to give settled on Dave’s face. He could feel the sting himself, the shatter of a million pieces. Tears threatened his waterline as the Dave from before crumpled, leaving the misery Kurt was unfortunately so familiar with.

“I should go,” Dave mumbled, already on his way out of the booth.

“Wait, no,” Kurt said, his own feet dragging him out after Dave. “You don't have to go.”

Dave turned back around to face him, his eyes sparkling in the dim restaurant’s lighting. Kurt let out a desperate sigh, his knees slumping where he stopped.

“I hope you like the candies,” Dave said, his voice breaking before his tears could. “The butterscotch ones are my favorite.”

As his friend turned to leave, Kurt frozen in place, another voice spoke, a bit too distant for Kurt to make out. Whoever it was, they stopped Dave in his tracks, surprising Kurt as well. There was a short, mumbled exchange, and Kurt watched as Dave’s hackles rose, his shoulders tense. Kurt found himself walking over, peeking around the corner of a booth to see who Dave had stumbled upon.

Sitting at a table was a young couple, probably around their age. The boy, who Kurt seemed to know, was looking between the two of them, a knowing smirk playing loud and clear on his lips-- a look that Kurt knew well.

_ Oh no _ .

“You guys hanging out for Valentine's Day?” the boy asked, amused. Kurt did his best to straighten his back, just enough to look confident without giving anything away. Beside him, Dave did the same, rolling his shoulders back in a shrug.

“No, no.” they said in unison.

“We used to go to the same school,” Kurt added casually, earning a small glance from Dave. This guy made Kurt’s skin crawl, which clearly meant Dave’s sudden nerves could only mean that whoever he was, Dave probably should not be seen with him. “We just bumped  into each other.”

Dave gave an unconvincing shrug in agreement, furthering Kurt’s worries about this boy’s intentions.

“That's exactly what it looked like,” the boy said, almost in a laugh. Kurt’s heart sank.

“I gotta go,” Dave said suddenly, barely giving Kurt a glance before turning to head towards the door.

“David-” Kurt tried.

“I'll talk to you later.”

The Breadstix doors slammed closed just as quickly as they’d been open. Kurt’s eyes were locked on them still, even as the couple at the table chuckled to themselves.

He needed to leave.

Every bone in Kurt’s body was telling him that he needed to leave that restaurant. He knew he should fight that urge, and not give this guy a reason to think anything was wrong, but he needed to leave.

So Kurt left. First a brisk walk, then as he reached the front doors, his steps quicked. He threw the door to the side, uncaring as the hinges strained as it hit it’s limit, bouncing back to slam closed behind him as he stumbled out onto the front pavement. His eyes desperately searched for Dave, his feet already carrying him in the direction the boy was headed by the time he spotted him.

“David!” Kurt called, falling into a light jog. At his name being mentioned, Dave started to match that pace, leading Kurt to push further. He needed to run.

“David, stop!” Kurt yelled again. The parking lot was still fairly empty, so Kurt was able to close in on Dave without many obstacles. Dave seemed to not be slowing, and Kurt noted his truck parked just off in the distance. 

Biting his lip, Kurt was almost in arm’s reach of Dave. Speeding up just further still, he lunged forward, reaching for Dave’s free arm as it swung behind him.

“Wait!”

Kurt grabbed Dave’s wrist roughly, moving to pull Dave back towards him. As he did, Kurt felt his arm that hung behind him suddenly having been grabbed too, the force of it causing him to spin around to face this new third party.

Kurt’s arm hung in the air, alone, suspended in an invisible grasp.

His confusion lasted mere moments before the pounding in his ears suddenly fell away in a stunned silence. Turning back around, Kurt’s eyes landed on Dave, who was lunged forward, his now empty arm stretched in front of him, clutching at nothing.

A chill ran through them both. Kurt could feel it hit Dave as it hit him.  Dave turned his head, his eyes wide in shock. Horror. Grief. Pain. Everything at once crossed his eyes as it crossed Kurt's heart.

_**No,**_ they thought together.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you with that cliffhanger for so long! It really wasn't intended, but I was very nervous about writing this chapter, so that plus work getting in the way of me finishing it was really an issue. Thank you for all the lovely (and angry LOL) comments lately!

A chill wind tickled at Kurt’s fingers and nose, but he didn’t feel it.

Kurt stayed where he was, his eyes looking but not watching as Dave Karofsky jogged into the distance until he disappeared into his truck, which in turn faded with a dull hum as it drove away into the night. The world around him now stood in eerie stillness. The street lamp above him was making a buzz, but Kurt didn’t hear it.

Eventually, a few cars slowly pulled into the lot, but Kurt didn’t see them.

As he stood, frozen in time, he waited for the world to start again. Life was moving on, but Kurt was not a part of it. His lungs burned with the breaths he kept holding as he waited for time to come crashing down around him. His feet were planted firmly on the ground, and he remained, suspended in a freefall with beginning or end in sight.

It wouldn’t. He knew it, but he also knew nothing. Not anymore.

Just in front of him, a mass of black fur and cheap rubber lay at his feet. As another winter breeze passed through the lot, Kurt’s hands began to sting. He clenched his fists a few times to get the blood flowing before bending down, gently picking up the discarded costume from the pavement. Kurt tucked it under his arms, not daring enough to look much at it as his feet finally unstuck from the blacktop.

A few more patrons had appeared in the eternity Kurt had stood outside and were slowly making their way into the restaurant. Kurt’s steps felt heavy as his legs made their way back inside, his eyes slowly panning across faces. He recognized a few of his classmates he’d seen roaming through the halls, but their eyes never met his as they all seemed to be happily lost inside their own excited chatter. Their laughter and smiles would have been comforting if he hadn’t felt like he was about to be sick.

He forced himself to stand a little straighter as he walked through the entrance, the blonde peer of Dave’s shooting him a knowing smirk. The grin dropped a stone in Kurt’s stomach, and he did his best to offer his best look of indifference, barely giving the boy much more than a passing acknowledgement. He didn’t even want to begin to think about what their confrontation could lead to for Dave, but he knew very well the pit in his stomach wasn’t going anywhere until he inevitably found out.

The waitress that had served them before was now busy attending to other guests, but Kurt did not miss the small, sad smile that she directed at him before turning to help someone else. Tears began to well at the corners of his eyes, and he did his best to fight them back as he quickly made his way back to the booth, which now had a notable emptiness to it. He slipped himself back in his seat, tucking the costume he had rescued between him and the divider.

Looking up, he stared right through the emptiness across from him. His hand, now warming once more after the cold tinge of the winter night, still burned in a grasp that was long gone.

He couldn’t get Dave’s eyes out of his head. He’d seen so many emotions cross them in the last twenty minutes, and each of them rolled through on repeat, like a film reel that he couldn’t tear his eyes from. And now, knowing…

Kurt’s eyes burned as he continued to hold back the break that would eventually have to come. The shock of his admirer’s actual reveal, and the confession that followed seemed so small now that he was forced to embrace the real reality: Dave Karofsky was his tether.

Dave Karofsky was also in love with him. Or rather, thought he was.

Even aside from the tether, that was what truly stung the most. He’d accepted his tether, for the most part. It had taken a while, but with all his talks between friends, and parents, and his partner, he’d grown to realize that while it was still such an odd reality, that it wasn’t one he couldn’t be prepared for. And yet, how much  _ that  _ had been wrong. Not knowing what he knows now. Not knowing that, besides fate, there was an established history.

He’d always felt a kinship to Dave since finding out about his sexuality. He didn’t want to admit it early on, as he wanted to believe he held nothing but hatred for the boy that was tormenting him, but a part of him was relieved to know that he finally,  _ finally  _ wasn’t alone. He had always imagined that, even as much as he wanted to deny it, Dave felt the same. So Kurt had attached himself to that-- he knew the self-hatred, the loathing, the shame. He wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy, and in turn, that came to practice. He didn’t like Dave at all, back when he was just the lumbering “Karofsky”, but he knew, deep down, a solidarity would do them both well, even if it was nothing more than a protective lie or a vow of silence. It’s just how it was for people like them, he supposed.

However, now knowing how Dave’s feelings had developed, he wondered just how much he was truly blind to. He was genuine in raising concern for Dave’s confession: the two hadn’t spoken much after the end of their short-lived PFFLAG attempts, bookended by Kurt’s return to McKinley and Dave’s ghosting after prom. They had checked in over the summer two or three times, but nothing more than idle conversation or the occasional Facebook comment. When Kurt had found out he’d transferred, their acquaintanceship all but faded into the past.

He couldn’t deny his relief to run into Dave at Scandals that one night. It had been a breath of fresh air, giving him a momentary lapse from the stressors of Sebastian and Blaine’s not-canoodling. It had also… genuinely been nice. He liked Dave, and they had fallen into that familiar solidarity. There was a comfort in it, and it was the first time Kurt had felt like he’d truly had a moment for himself and himself alone since the school year had started. Dave was something he had all to his own, a friendship only created by their own mutual growth and respect.

And he  _ had  _ felt something that night, though seemingly quite a different take from Dave. Hearing how much more at home in himself the other had become, and seeing his face light up and hearing him genuinely laugh for the first time, had Kurt’s worries pushed aside, even if just for the few minutes they shared together in a melancholic peacefulness. As Dave confided that he was simply trying to get through high school, their similarities were once again blinding, and it was a relief to finally hear another (especially someone as similar as Dave) share something that Kurt needed to be feeling all along. The sentiment lasted, even as it was drowned out by the numerous stressful events he’d later come to deal with. Kurt had longed for someone, anyone to have that end goal of “just getting through it all”, and while he didn’t realize it until tonight, he regretted not making the time to have the one person that truly understood him more involved in his daily life.

Through all of it, Kurt could see how Dave would develop a romantic sense from it. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t already been through it himself, having thrown himself at Finn with nothing more than a few kind words and a deeper understanding for the other’s past than most. That realization alone drove a stake into Kurt’s heart. His crush on Finn might have started as a passing infatuation, but it wasn’t until the two had gotten to know each other that his real, more genuine feelings had started to develop. Even if they were overly glorified in his mind, he still  _ thought  _ he loved Finn, and he would have hated to think of anyone, let alone Finn, telling him that what he  _ thought  _ his feelings were, were wrong. It was invalidating, so who was he to so avidly deny Dave’s feelings being as genuine.

Even so, he  _ had  _ to. Or at least, he thought he had to, in the moment. Let alone the fact that he also had to remind Dave that he was taken.

By a boyfriend that hadn’t been sending him gifts all week.

Kurt looked down at the table at the chocolate box, the note attached to it now blinding him with the scrawled confession. His grief skyrocketing, he quickly (though, admittedly, still carefully) pulled the note off, and hastily popped open the box to hide it inside. The whiff of chocolate hit Kurt’s nose quickly, but what would normally be a delight to him acted as nothing more than a painful reminder.

Box closed again, his hands rested together on top of the lid, fingertips grazing the cheap satin ribbon. Not only was Dave being behind the gifts an issue on it’s own, but Kurt had also spent the entire week assuming -- and telling others-- that these had all been from his boyfriend. His boyfriend who couldn’t even be bothered to spend the holiday with him, yet could seemingly be out and about elsewhere. Even their recent phone calls and text had been lackluster, only turning anywhere near romantic when Kurt teased his recent spoils. 

_ I even told Dave,  _ Kurt thought, the conversation he’d had with his tether just nights before coming to mind. It was no wonder that the boy had been just as blindsided as him; there was no way either of them could have connected the dots when they were so clearly wrapped up in their own blind emotions.

But…

The tethered conversation returned in full, leaving Kurt to feel as if he were desperately treading in quickly rising water as the details came rushing back. 

_ The break up,  _ Kurt stumbled, his whole body stiffening.  _ Why would he think…? _

“ _ Better watch your boyfriend,”  _ a memory rang, nearly as clear as the night those words were uttered.

Kurt’s hand clasped over his mouth. The friend.

The boyfriend and Dave’s friend, who Dave had seen together again and again, looking happier and happier together to the point where he had assumed something had happened in the relationship. The way this friend talked about him, the way they were when they hung out, how often they hung out.

Sebastian was Dave’s friend.

And Sebastian and Blaine were the happier.

Nearly tripping over his own feet, Kurt shoved the costume back under his arms as he got up from the table, desperate to leave the booth before it swallowed him whole. A cold sweat broke out on his face and neck, his free hand over his mouth only parting to scoop up his blazer, which at some point had slipped below the table. He quickly tucked it under his arm, along with the chocolates, barely confirming that his belongings were still in all his pockets before making a mad dash for the door.

A few eyes glanced up in curiosity as he sped through the restaurant. That awful boy was still there, and called out something that went unheard as he burst back through the front doors. Again, the cold winter night hit him, and he was forced to relive those moments with Dave, playing over and over like a broken record. His hand once more burned with the touch, Dave’s shocked, then broken, face scorched into the back of his mind.

_ No, no, no. _

Kurt was barely in the parking lot before a shrill call of his name nearly made him trip. His eyes burning with tears that had still yet to fall, he spun around. His memory made him expect no one.

However, skipping towards him was a decked-out Sugar, her arms full of various stuffed animals that looked like they were about to burst from her grasp. Her smile she had clearly had at Kurt’s name quickly fell into concern as Kurt’s face met her gaze, her head cocking as she came to a stop a little ways away from him.

“Are you leaving?” she asked. Kurt could barely hear her over the ringing in his ears. A few paces behind her, a well dressed man who he assumed was her father stared at the two of them with an unreadable expression.

Kurt fumbled for any response, using all of his willpower to not just immediately continue his dart away. If he stayed in the parking lot much longer, he felt like he would never leave.

“I don’t- I’m not feeling well,” he replied, nearly through clenched teeth. It wasn’t a lie, at least.

Sugar made a pout, but the concerned look she wore was genuine. “Are you sure?” she asked, looking back over her shoulder to her dad. “You’ll miss out. We have something  _ super  _ cool and awesome planned, and I think y-”

“I need to go home, I’m sorry,” Kurt apologized quickly, his voice cracking. 

“But-” Sugar pleaded, stepping forward. Her hand reached out for him, and the motion-- and reminder-- was all it took. Turning on his heels before she could see, his walls fell, tears following them. He quickly jogged for his car, fumbling for the clicker on his keys to unlock the door before he reached it. The lights flashed just as Kurt’s hand went for the handle, and pulled it open with such force that his shoulder strained at the motion. Ignoring the burn, he pulled himself into the seat, tossing his arms’ contents hastily into the passenger seat before slamming the door behind him.

His vision was cloudy as he pulled on his seatbelt, already starting the ignition. He gave a rough wipe of his eyes, clearing his eyes enough to see as he pulled his car out of the parking spot, and out through the entrance. He had to keep wiping as he drove, uncaring that it was entirely unsafe. That feeling of needing to leave continued to act as a cruel reminder of everything, and he wanted nothing more than to be free of the night’s events as much as he could manage. 

Unlike before, it was almost as if he had teleported back to his home, pulling into the driveway with nearly no memory of the drive back. He would have been thankful if every cell in his body wasn’t also vibrating at a high velocity, causing his head to spin and his stomach threaten to empty. His cheeks burned with the constant stream of tears that had formed on the ride over. 

Thankfully, the home seemed to still be empty, the cooling rooms no comfort from the winter air outside. He wasted no time in making his way up the stairs, trying his best not to trip on a shoelace that had come undone over the night. Dumping everything from the car beside his dresser, Kurt beelined for his en suite, throwing open the toilet’s lid just as his anxiety, shock, and grief caught up to him.

He sat there on his for a few minutes, occasionally spitting and coughing before wiping his mouth with the back of his arm. Uncared, he rested his forehead against the side of the bowl, the cool porcelain like ice against his flushed skin. His tears had paused for the time being, but a bead of sweat rolled down the back of his neck.

Eventually, after rinsing his face and giving his teeth a quick brush, he all but dragged his feet from the bathroom before falling to his knees again in front of the discarded pile. He reached inside his blazer pocket, pulling out his phone.

> When are you all coming home?

He wasn’t sure if Finn would answer, and after waiting a few minutes he was about to text his father when his phone buzzed.

> FINN HUDSON: not, I’m staying over. don’t know about mom and burt, they’re going out 

Kurt wasn’t sure how that made him feel. He couldn’t feel much of anything, actually.

> FINN HUDSON: are you still out with blaine?

Nevermind.

Kurt’s face crumpled again as he curled into himself, and continued to cry.

* * *

Kurt had barely moved in two hours, only leaving his floor when he had to throw up again. His stomach eventually emptied, leaving him with heavy hunger pangs. He wasn’t necessarily wanting to eat, but knew that if he didn’t, the migraine he would have the next day from his sobbing would only be that much worse with low blood sugar.

He returned to his room with a plate of toast and a small cup of water. He sat back on the ground, picking the bread apart slowly as he forced himself to swallow with every bite. He downed the water quickly, the cool liquid soothing his throat, before setting the dishes on the dresser above him. Kurt’s whole body ached, and his feet felt swollen as he moved to finally remove his shoes, tossing them over to the end of his bed with a thud. He sat back, his head resting against the dresser as he stared across his room.

Somewhere, in his mind, he could faintly make out the pull of his tether. He wasn’t searching for it, nor was his tether-- Dave-- reaching out to it, but the gentle, constant weight of it left his head buzzing.

He could see the display of gifts on his vanity, barely peeking over the top of his mattress. The balloons moved slightly, being blown by the light draft of air from the heater that had kicked on. Kurt watched, almost in a trance as they spun, only drawn out of it as the sound of the front door closing echoed softly up the stairwell.

Stiffening, Kurt looked over at his phone, the text he’d sent his dad still yet to receive a response. 

“Kurt?”

Kurt’s breath was pulled from him in a sharp gasp, his heart clenching in his chest. He couldn’t bring himself to answer even if he wanted to.

Eventually, a pair of footsteps made their way up towards his room, very little hesitation in their path. As they approached, Kurt screwed his eyes shut, silently begging to a god he didn’t believe in to take him away.

A small sigh came from his doorway, followed by a slow shuffle of feet and fabric as the floor in front of him creaked. Kurt opened his eyes, his lids still puffy, meeting Blaine’s look of concern.

His boyfriend raised a hand to Kurt’s head, a small, sad smile on the corner of his lips as he felt Kurt’s forehead for a few moments before pulling his hand away.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” he asked, his voice soft and sweet, but it pounded in Kurt’s ears. He couldn’t even move, his arms hanging loosely in his lap.

“What are you doing here?” Kurt asked. Even he was surprised at how rough his voice was, Blaine’s eyes widening in surprise, then concern. The other boy shifted, moving to sit neatly on his knees.

“Well,” he started, a small hint of amusement in his voice, his voice as smooth as ever. Kurt usually found himself comforted by it, but now it only twisted the dagger in his back. “I asked a Ms. Sugar Motta if I could perform at her party, and was hoping to surprise my boyfriend, but to  _ my _ surprise, I later found out he had already left. Which is a shame, because I know he shares my guilty love of everything the B 52’s,” he chuckled, reaching out for Kurt’s hand. Before he could grab it, Kurt pulled it away, dropping his gaze.

Blaine glanced between the hand and Kurt’s face, cocking his head with confused, furrowed brows.

“Kurt?” he asked, ducking his head slightly, his smile gone.

“Why are you here?”

Blaine looked stunned. “What?”

Kurt’s chest shook as he breathed, pulling both his hands closer into his lap. “Wouldn’t you rather be with Sebastian?” he said, his voice small.

Blaine froze, but then pulled his own hands to his knees. “Kurt, what are y-”

“Just stop,” Kurt interrupted. 

“I don’t-”

“Blaine.”

“No, hey, can you lis-”

“Stop!” Kurt said, though it came out as a broken shout. Blaine flinched, and Kurt looked up to find his boyfriend’s hand stilled from where it was reaching towards his hands again. Suddenly overwhelmed, Kurt pulled his hands up to his chest, his knuckles white as his nails dug into his palms.

Blaine looked at him helplessly, his mouth opening and closing as whatever he was trying to say kept getting stuck on his tongue. Kurt could feel his body coming to life again, his nerves activating like lines of matches as all of his skin began to burn. His eyes were dry, tear ducts overworked, but the feeling from earlier left itself as a ghost of pain on his waterline.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Kurt asked, his voice strained.    
  
“I told you, it was going to be a surprise,” Blaine answered, befuddled. He gave a small laugh, but it sounded forced, only confirmed by the boy’s sudden lack of eye contact as he continued explaining. “I didn’t ask Sugar until the other day, so it really was last minute.”

Kurt just stared at him, trying his best to maintain his composure, though he felt his lip quiver. Feeling suddenly claustrophobic, Kurt leaned to his side, slowly pulling himself up so he was standing. His room felt tainted, now. This was his safe space, but with Blaine here, he wanted to be anywhere but surrounded by it’s walls.

He could feel Blaine’s eyes follow him as he stepped around his bed, hands clasped tightly in front of him before the squeeze turned more into a death grip, the sharp pain forcing him to let his arms fall to the side. He slowly stepped towards the vanity, the display making his stomach turn.   
  
“This whole week, I thought you were the one sending me valentines,” he said, looking away towards his window.   
  
“You…” Blaine said, his voice trailing off. Kurt could hear him standing, and silently hoped that he would remain across the room. “I thought you knew it was one of the girls. Or I figured it was, at least,” he added, still sounding confused.”

Kurt bit his lip. “It wasn’t.”

“Then who-”   
  
“Did you plan to get me anything, then?” Kurt interjected, turning back to face the other. His hands swung out in a disbelieving shrug. “Before the song, were you going to do anything?”   
  
Kurt watched as Blaine’s expression fell, but only enough that he was met with a blank stare, mouth parted as his boyfriend studied him. After a few moments, the other shook his head, reaching into his jacket. From inside, an envelope appeared, and Blaine stepped forward, holding it out to Kurt. “Well, it was small, but I know you’ve never really liked the holiday,” he said.

Kurt hesitated, but Blaine waited, hand outstretched. After a few silent seconds, Kurt reached out, gently taking the envelope. On the front, a delicately written “K.H.” was scrawled in pen. As he flipped it over to open it, he was stopped, seeing a small, doodled pawprint on the seal, surrounded by tiny scribbled hearts.

He realized then that he had what he needed as Santana’s knowing stare appeared once more in his thoughts.

“What does Santana know that she didn’t tell me?” he asked, gesturing to the other with the envelope. He wanted to throw it back in the other’s face, everything Dave and Santana had told him suddenly swirling around in one big, blinking neon sign. Blaine looked caught, but started an attempt to laugh it off anyway. Kurt, filling with rage, flicked the card up again, cutting him off. “I know, Blaine.”   
  
Now, the cover Blaine had tried to throw up was ripped away. Again, his eyes darted, and Kurt realized just how bad the other was at hiding his guilt. Or shame.

“Then why are you asking?” Blaine asked, his voice broken. Kurt couldn’t feel pity in that moment even if he wanted to.   
  
“I want to hear it from you,” Kurt said, his jaw tense. His face felt hot, and he was sure the other could see his heart racing through it. “What else did she see?”   
  
Blaine stared at him, and Kurt just waited. Eventually, the other shook his head. “I bought another card.”

“For Sebastian.” Kurt said. He didn’t need the confirmation, knowing now what was going on, but he waited for it anyway. It took a few moments of tense silence, but Blaine nodded, his eyes dropping to stare at the floor in front of them. Kurt scoffed, almost in a laugh as he stepped to the side. 

He turned back towards the vanity, catching his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were piercing, accentuated by the redness from his bouts of crying from earlier, and the irritation of no longer being able to continue. His hair was mussed, half of his bangs hanging onto his forehead as bits and pieces stuck out from the sides. His cheeks were bright red, covered in splotchy patches, and the entirety of his face was swollen. He looked awful. He  _ felt  _ awful.

“Why?” Kurt asked, his voice cracking. Unable to look at himself anymore, he turned back towards Blaine, who looked like he’d shrunk into himself.   
  
“I wanted to,” Blaine eventually admitted.   
  
Kurt’s shoulders slumped. He was never going to be ready to ask it, and knew that at this point, he didn’t even care for an answer, but it was something he needed to say.

“Because you like him.”   
  
“Kurt, I-” Blaine started, already moving towards him. Kurt took a step back in response, which was enough of a reaction for Blaine to still. Kurt realized he was slowly backing himself in the corner, and his ears began to ring as a wave of nausea hit him. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”   
  
“So you lied to me?” Kurt asked in disbelief.   
  
“You knew we were friends, Kurt.”   
  
“I did,” Kurt answered quickly, his tongue sharp. “And you knew how I felt about that, but I trusted you, because you said it was about needing a friend. Not whatever this is,” he gestured at Blaine with the card, the envelope suddenly heavy in his hand. Feeling his frustrations begin to boil over, Kurt’s body tensed again, and with a glare, he threw the card to the side. It crashed into the collection of valentine’s cards and gifts, sending a few of them flying to the side. Blaine stepped back slightly, shooting Kurt a glare right back. “Was it a  _ family friendly  _ card too?” Kurt added with a hiss.   
  
“I didn’t cheat on you, Kurt,” Blaine argued, and Kurt rolled his eyes. He wasn’t accusing the other of it directly, but knowing who Sebastian was, he already had his suspicions.

However, Blaine’s sternness seemed to falter. “Even if I wanted to, he’s not even interested.”

Kurt's mouth fell agape at the admission. He’d known Sebastian for being bold, unashamed of his sexuality and those he wanted to pursue it’s explorations with. Though, as Dave had told him the other day, the “friends” had been nothing more than that, and of anyone involved, he was most trusting of him, even if he’d been on the ends of miscommunication. Sebastian had also made it very clear to Kurt that he was trying to steal Blaine away, sexualizing his boyfriend at every chance he got, so it was near unbelievable that the Warbler was suddenly “not interested”. However, the way Blaine’s face fell as he confessed not only that he was in fact looking at Sebastian as a potential, but also that the other was truly no longer feeling the same way, was filled with enough genuine upset that Kurt had no choice to believe it, as much as he nearly couldn’t.

_ What changed? _

“I knew you would freak out, that’s why I didn’t tell you,” Blaine continued, which pulled Kurt from his thoughts.   
  
“Freak out?” Kurt responded, mockingly. He couldn’t help but let out a laugh, shrugging to himself. “ As if my boyfriend being buddy-buddy with his flirtatious pursuer and catching feelings wasn’t something to freak out about?”   
  
“You told me yourself, maybe what I feel with him means something!” Blaine was back to looking helpless, but Kurt didn’t want to see it anymore. Feeling trapped, he moved back towards Blaine, quickly walking past him and back towards his dresser. Blaine’s eyes followed him in a desperate plea to explain, and Kurt turned around to face him again, crossing his arms.

Blaine continued on. “I’m not saying he’s my tether, but what if he was?” He gestured out to Kurt with both hands, waving them slightly. “It’s not any different than you with yours.”   
  
“Except I don’t  _ like  _ my tether, Blaine!” Kurt said with a shout, causing Blaine to wince. “And if I did, I would tell you, my  _ boyfriend _ , rather than sneaking around like some illicit affair!” He was yelling, but he felt if he didn’t he was going to explode. Blaine was trying to accuse him of being a hypocrite, and he was not about to let the other try to convince him he was. “I was honest with you about everything, so don’t you  _ dare  _ try to say it’s the same.”

“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings! I know you don’t like him!” Blaine tried, losing his pull on Kurt. Kurt rolled his eyes again.   
  
“I’m not sure why you ignore the fact that I have plenty of reasons to,” Kurt spat. “It also doesn’t excuse _ lying to me _ .”

“I didn’t lie to you!” Blaine was yelling now too, which only fueled Kurt further. He was lying now!   
  
“Well you certainly didn’t tell me the truth!” he shouted back.

Silence struck like an oncoming train, deafening the pair. The quiet house fell even further in stillness, with even the dull roar of the heater falling into the background. Everything around them faded, the only thing left being their heated glares.

“Do you love him?” Kurt asked, choked.

“I love you, Kurt,” Blaine answered.   
  
Kurt felt like he’d been shot, and it took every ounce of his strength to keep himself upright. “It doesn’t feel like it,” he finally admitted. “Hasn’t felt like it.”

Blaine stood in silence. He looked off to the side.

“You’re also not answering the question,” Kurt said softly. He didn’t even  _ want  _ the answer.   
  
“You changed, Kurt.”

Kurt’s eyes went wide, genuinely taken by surprise. The vitriol remained, however. “I changed?”   
  
Blaine continued to stare off, though his head was now ducked. “When I first met you, you were so bright-eyed. Full of life, even with what Karofsky was putting you through.” Kurt winced at the name, the pull in the back of his mind matching the sharp tug at his heart. “Now you’re just so negative.”   
  
Kurt looked on, disbelieving. “Negative?” he repeated. He had to continue to repeat it, over and over in his head until he could settle on it. He shook his head, feeling both empty and incredibly swarmed all at once.

“I’ve been stressed, Blaine,” he continued, his voice exhausted as he shook his head. “You have no idea how hard I’ve been trying this year to keep from losing everything I’ve worked for, and trying not to sacrifice my relationships while I do it. Meanwhile, everyone else around me seems to know exactly what they want, and exactly where they want to be, and who they want to be with.”   
  
Blaine finally looked back at him, his brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?” he said, gesturing at him again. “You have NYADA.”   
  
“For now!” Kurt replied.   
  
“See? See how negative you are?” Blaine called, pointing a finger at him. Kurt glared at the hand, then back at his boyfriend. “This is why I like talking to Sebastian. All you’ve done is lately is complain. ”   
  
Kurt felt insane. Even when he had negative thoughts, he  _ knew  _ that he had kept them all inside. He had been, because it was what he felt like he had to do. He had learned to be honest and to communicate, and he  _ had  _ been. But blatant negativity? “What are you  _ talking  _ about?” Kurt said, unsure of what he even could say to that. “I’m stressed, Blaine.”   
  
“Yeah, I can tell,” Blaine snapped.   
  
“You sure seem to care.”   
  
“I’m not your therapist, Kurt. I’m stressed too”   
  
That was his breaking point. He could see now just where Blaine’s issues lied, and they were absolutely laced in selfishness. 

“I have never asked you to be my therapist, nor have I ever  _ wanted you to be, _ ” Kurt said firmly. “Everyone else in my life has bothered to ask me if I’m okay. Finn, Mercedes, Tina. Even Santana could see. And even with how much crap I’m dealing with, I  _ still  _ make time for them too.”

Blaine stared, and as a few silent moments fell, Kurt saw that the other had no intention of speaking up again. So, Kurt stood a little straighter, mustering up as much false strength as he could.

“For the last few months, I feel like I’ve just been sitting backseat to your life,” he started. “I keep trying to get involved, and I’ve been doing my best to support you, but it just feels like I’m giving and giving to this brick wall, and all it’s doing is simply standing there. I’m patching up the holes from the outside as someone else is sitting inside the house.” Kurt waited again, more for himself than for an opportunity for Blaine. He shook his head, his face broken. “And maybe it’s Sebastian, but right now, it just seems like the one inside is you, and the wall is just something you wanted but didn’t want to put the effort into keeping up yourself.”

Blaine held his gaze still, but Kurt watched as his words settled into the other’s mind. Eventually, Blaine turned away.

"I don't know what you want me to say,” he said.

"I don't  _ want _ you to say anything,” Kurt pleaded. “I want  _ you _ to want to say something."

"You’re right. Does that make you feel better?" 

Kurt wasn’t even sure what exactly Blaine was agreeing to, and stared at him in incredulity. It had clearly been said in a desperate attempt to end the argument, but the tone alone had Kurt’s blood boiling. Before his frustration could form on his tongue, the other continued, stopping Kurt in his tracks.   
  
“Maybe it’s a good thing we aren’t tethered.”

Suddenly, Kurt’s world began to move again. The eternal freefall, the prison in an unmoving time, all of it was suddenly clicked into motion. The ground beneath him may still be far away, but for the first time tonight, and in possibly a long while, Kurt could finally accept that he was on the path to reach it.

It stung. It had to. But at the same time, the words were something Kurt had considered since that moment a few weeks ago, when his life was struck with sudden upheaval. He wondered briefly if he would have felt this way eventually, or if life would have simply carried on around him as he was forced to believe that the other was fated for his future.

He didn’t know what to expect, but the bitter clutch of change ahead was a welcomed difference to his present  _ and  _ his past.   
  
In the corner behind Blaine, what was left of the Valentine’s display stuck out, the pop of color being even more vibrant than it had been as the world around it fell into monochrome. On the wall beside it hung a few photos, each and every spot in the frame full of his friends’ smiles. And his smiles. 

“At least if we were,” he said after a few moments, feeling as strong as a completely broken person could be. “I’d know what being actually loved felt like."

Realization hit Blaine’s face in one quick smite. The boy’s face crumpled, tears welling in his eyes as his brows drew together. His mouth did not open, but what he wanted to say was clear, and Kurt was not listening.

"Get out,” Kurt said.

Blaine only hesitated for a moment, then his face contorted, shooting Kurt one last look before storming past him. Kurt kept his back turned, listening as the rush of steps made their way down through the house, disappearing behind the slam of his front door.

Kurt stood, motionless for a few moments, then dropped his eyes to his feet. With shaky knees, he bent over, picking up the discarded costume and box. He turned around, neatly folding the suit and placing it on top of his dresser before laying the box gently beside it.

Taking a few steps soft back, he kept his eyes on the chocolates. As the back of Kurt’s knees hit his bed, his legs gave out, and he guided himself back to the floor, letting out a sob to an empty house.

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with the events of 3x14 (On My Way). If the topic of suicide is particularly sensitive to you, please read with caution.
> 
> (Happy anniversary of the episode, though!)
> 
> Bold italics is said telepathically, as a refresher.

Kurt remained fairly glued to his mattress the next few days, feigning a flu in order to stay home from school. Even if he wasn’t sick, his body still refused to move much at all, and he was fairly certain at some point, his immune system had given in, forcing a cold that left him with a migraine and consistently stuffy nose.

Fortunately, the long holiday weekend meant that Kurt had Friday off already, leaving him to peacefully sleep his day away without much hesitance from Carole. His step-mother had hovered at first, her nursing background and knowledge of Kurt’s family health history leaving her with a natural sense of worry. It was irritating at first, even with her good intent, but as Kurt felt he had less and less energy, he soon gave in to her fretting, though had genuinely appreciated her care from the start regardless.

After a surprisingly delicious bowl of soup as an early dinner, Kurt had fallen back asleep Friday evening, waking to a dark bedroom and quiet house. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he checked the time on his phone, noting that it was just past midnight. It wasn’t unusual for three teens in the house to retire early, perfectly happy in the comfort of their own rooms, but as Kurt sleepily trudged out of his room, he could see that there was no light coming from under Finn’s door, signaling to him that the other had already gone to bed.

He’d only really left his room at night the last few days, not particularly eager to run into anyone in the house. Most of his texts he’d gotten remained unread, only responding occasionally to update about if his “flu” was getting any better. It guilted him a bit, especially because it was apparent that his friends had their own suspicions and concerns as to what was really happening, but Kurt tried to not think about it too much. Not to think about him too much.

Groaning, Kurt rubbed at his face, the conversation from days before playing over and over in his head no matter his attempts to suppress it. Even sleep had proved fruitless, leading to constant dream-arguments between him and his now former boyfriend, but even that allowed him the freedom of non-reality.

Kurt also hated that he wasn’t sure _what_ Blaine thought they were, but no money in the world could make him want to have a conversation with him about it.

Wanting to distract himself, Kurt made his way to the kitchen, a new mildly busying task ahead. Opening up his iTunes on his phone, Kurt picked the first upbeat playlist of his that he saw, turning the volume down significantly before setting the device on the counter. He instead moved to the pantry, pulling out a few bags and boxes and setting them behind him before turning to the fridge. As he turned back around, eggs and butter in hand, Sam was stepping in from the hall, looking at Kurt inquisitively.

“You really are like a big golden retriever,” Kurt teased, though his tone came out flat. “Shake a bag and you come running.”

“I was coming out for water,” Sam answered, but gave a quiet laugh. Studying the counter, Kurt organized the ingredients in front of him, then moved to grab necessary supplies. “Cookies?”

Kurt gave an affirming noise, setting a few bowls on the counter, opening a drawer to look for measuring spoons.

“Can I help?” Sam asked, and at Kurt’s look he held up a hand apologetically. “Sorry, you can do your thing.”

“No, it’s okay,” Kurt said after a moment of hesitation. He shook his head, pushing the bag of flour and a few tools over to the other boy. “Five cups.”

Sam nodded, taking one of the measuring cups and opening the paper bag. He slowly began measuring out the flour as Kurt moved on to the sugars, skillfully doning out the necessary amount into another bowl. He glanced up for a moment, noticing as Sam’s bowl was slowly filling with flour, and the other shot him a questioning look of his own.

“Yes?” Kurt asked. He could tell the other boy wanted to ask him about the events earlier in the week, as did everyone else in his life that continued to pretend like they didn’t. As much as he didn’t want to bring it up, and was only baking an insane amount of cookies to distract from it, he knew that telling Sam would have the story staying with Sam alone. That, and he admittedly did feel rather alone in his pain, and if his last few weeks had told him anything, it’s that he maybe should let himself process his emotions instead of constantly hiding them away.

“It’s fine,” Kurt added at Sam’s hesitation, the other boy shifting awkwardly on his feet.

Sam dumped another cup of flour, dropping his gaze into the bowl before looking back at Kurt. “I just wanted to ask if you’re okay. Like, actually okay.” 

Kurt stilled, his hand hovering above his bowl. Eventually, he sighed, shaking his head. “No. I’ll survive, but… no.”

“It’s about him, yeah?”  
  
Kurt nodded. Then, “Did he tell everyone?”  
  
Sam laughed under his breath at that, which perked Kurt’s attention as he turned to soften the butter in the microwave.

“I don’t think he needed to,” Sam said, shaking down his bowl of flour lightly. “We kind of all assumed based on how he was, and that you were gone.”

“Great,” Kurt mumbled, rolling his eyes. He was almost curious enough to ask what Blaine had done to stir the pot. Almost. Either way, however obvious the other was, it at least explained why his friends were a bit more prodding in their texts than they usually were.

Sighing again, Kurt decided to open his floodgates, and explained what had happened. Sam had seemed surprised at first to hear the root cause was cheating accusations, but as Kurt continued on with his story, the other simply nodded along, reminding Kurt that his friend was also familiar with the deceit from his past with Quinn. He also conveniently avoided any mention of Dave, despite getting well into discussion on his tether, feeling that opening up that conversation would only make matters worse; Kurt knew very well how the others had felt about Dave Karofsky, and even with as much as he trusted Sam, he knew that the potential for that getting out could lead to far more trouble than he or Dave were ready for.

As he finished, Sam was completely invested, leaning forward on the center island as Kurt removed his second batches of cookies from the oven, placing them onto nearby potholders he’d set out earlier.

“Sorry if it’s bad timing, but I always thought he was kind of a douche,” Sam said, which drew out a surprised laugh from Kurt. 

“You and Santana both,” Kurt said, amused.

“I don’t think Santana really likes anyone to be fair.”

Kurt hummed in agreement, using a spatula to scrape at the cookies that had been resting from early, shifting them in the tray. Sam checked his phone idly, though stood up, suddenly making his way out from the kitchen. Kurt barely gave him a glance, and instead continued watching the tray as he worked on un-sticking each of the cookies.

“You better come grab some before Finn wakes up from the smell,” he called softly, just loud enough to reach where Sam had disappeared into the living room. “It’s like a race to the finish with him.”

“I’ll take some to go,” Sam said, his voice getting closer as his footsteps followed back into the kitchen. “But I think you’ll have help with those.”

Kurt looked up, about to ask what the other meant, but instead he was met with four pairs of eyes as Sam had reappeared with another. Kurt’s jaw dropped in surprise, his heart swelling.

“Just in time,” Mercedes teased, a small duffle bag swinging against her pajama-clad body as she held out both arms to the side. The pair walked over to where Kurt was standing, Sam ducking beside her for just a moment to snatch a few cookies, giving Kurt one last smile and nod before quickly heading back out of the room.

Kurt’s shocked face broke out into a smile, surprised at how much his best friend’s presence seemed to sweep him off his feet. Letting out a breathy laugh, he dropped the spatula onto the tray, moving around the counter to where his friend quickly extended her arms in a hug.

* * *

Kurt spent most of the night telling his story of the last few months to Mercedes, who listened with wide eyes and open ears. She asked questions between explanations, sided with him as he recounted the numerous times Blaine had made him feel lesser, and eventually flooded him with support, as well as a handful of threats against the other boy.

In return, Kurt was surprised that his friend immediately opened up about her own dramas, filling in Kurt about everything that had gone down between her and Shane, and then her and Sam. Kurt was shocked to hear just how long the two have had a fling, genuinely unaware of what had been happening other than what he’d observed from an outsider’s perspective. After getting into what had happened the week of Valentine’s, including her break up as well as Sam’s confession, his heart ached for her, realizing just how much shared pain they’d felt but were too ashamed to tell even each other.

Thankfully, the pair were seasoned in the thralls of heartbreak by now, and the gab session quickly turned to that of more uplifting gossip, and as the night drew on, they found themselves caught up in their conversation, the movies they’d put on in the background drowned out by their stories and commentary.

By the time they’d crashed, both from exhaustion and suspected sugar high from the dozen cookies they’d devoured together, the sun had well crested over the treetops, leaving them to instead sleep through the morning. They woke up early afternoon, their stomachs rumbling from the lack of anything of substance in them, and their hair mussed to the heavens. Carole and Finn had both been home, both as surprised to see Mercedes as they were to see Kurt. Sam was conveniently absent, much to Mercedes' relief, and Kurt sent her off with a few cheek pecks, his friend having him promise to call her later over the weekend.

Kurt spent the rest of his Saturday feeling refreshed, and was thankfully that neither Carole nor Finn had any intent to question him further. He was especially relieved that Finn was so quiet, but his step-brother seemed to understand that he needed his space, even though Kurt was sure he was just as eager to hear what had happened as much as anyone else in the club was.

Sunday, his good mood had drained over, though the fact that his long weekend would be coming to a close picked at his worry. In the afternoon, Dave crossed his mind, causing him to realize that he still had yet to hear from his tether since that night. Feeling guilty, he tried to reach out to him, but was met with a now familiar wall that the other had seemed to build in his mind. Kurt couldn’t be too put off by it-- after all, he was often guilty of doing the same thing, and it wasn’t like Dave had been someone who hadn’t been known for it either. Still, disappointed, Kurt was happy to accept Finn’s over to see a movie later that night, still eager for any chance at a distraction. Even so, before turning his phone to silent, he shot Dave a single text, nothing but a simple “we can talk”.

The holiday came Monday, and Kurt thanked his lucky stars for the extra day away from school more than he normally would. He’d woken up late, realizing he had missed a call from Dave sometime in the night. However, after he’d mustered up the courage to call the boy back, he had sat through the ringing only to end up getting to his voicemail. Confused, Kurt followed up with another text, a small “?”, only for the message to go unread.

He tried not to think too much into it, but something in his gut told him that their lack of syncing up possibly had something to do with how hard Dave was blocking their tether. Kurt started to worry that his rejection of Dave had been the breaking point for the boy, and the worry of a possibility of having messed up not only their budding friendship, but his fated link to the other as well. At least, as long as everything remained a confusing, painful mess.

Already upset that his temporary escape from his other troubles were coming to a close, Kurt went to bed with a hurting heart.

* * *

Kurt’s phone vibrates in his hands, his finger quickly sliding the alarm off before the sound even had a chance to start up. He sighed, clicking the screen off, the Facebook feed he’d been scrolling through mindlessly for the last fourty-five minutes fading to black. Unfortunately, his nerves about returning to school today had meant a night of restless sleep; by the last time he’d woken up, Kurt had given up, deciding it was probably better to start attempting to wane his grogginess sooner rather than later.

Begrudgingly, he pulled to covers off of himself, practically rolling out of his bed and into his bathroom. His usual morning routine trudged along, even the coffee maker seeming to be a bit more sluggish than usual.

Leaning on the counter, fresh faced and lazily dressed in a simple pair of jeans and strappy gray sweater, Kurt rested his head in his hand, watching as the coffee slowly dripped into the pot. In the dining room, Carole was rummaging through a purse, the sound of keys clinking around hitting Kurt’s ears like daggers. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling better today?” she asked, causing Kurt to look up. His step-mother was still looking through her purse, but shot him a glance over the table’s centerpiece. “I think I told you about what’s going around at the hospital. Hopefully the kids at school aren’t spreading it around too much.”

Kurt clicked his tongue, then shook his head. Neither her or his father knew-- to his knowledge, at least-- what had happened last week. He wasn’t sure how to even tell them; part of him was afraid of what his father would think about Blaine, or if he would be upset with Kurt for, frankly, putting up with his ex-boyfriend longer than he should have. Finn and Kurt both had received the “you matter” talk from him, and while it was an inside joke between the step-brothers for the most part, it was also a constant reminder to themselves that they needed to care about their feelings just as much as they did others. And, if he was going to be honest with himself, Kurt knew that he hadn’t. Not for a while, at least.

“I’m sure. I think it was just the weather getting to me, that’s all,” he answered. Carole gave him another quick glance, this time offering a small, heartfelt smile, then closed her bag. She quickly made her way over to the counter, slinging her bag on her arm before reaching out to him, placing her hand over one of his and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“You let me know,” she said. Kurt nodded, a small sigh escaping him as she turned away, heading towards the door.

“Oh,” Carole stopped, spinning back around for a moment, holding her free hand to her temple, the keys in it swinging softly. “Don’t let Finn forget to take out the recycling before you leave. Your dad threw a fit last week.”

“Will do,” Kurt assured, already speaking to her back as she shuffled towards the front door. The coffee pot sputtered beside him, and, impatient for it to completely finish, Kurt quickly pulled the pot, filling up his to-go mug before returning it to the machine. He quickly mixed in his creamer, returning it to the fridge before popping the rubber cap on the cup. He briefly wondered if he should skip breakfast, but knew that his already uneasy stomach would complain further if he flushed it with coffee. 

As Kurt turned to look through the pantry, Finn and Sam’s footsteps came barreling down the stairs, Finn’s loud laugh echoing through the house. As the two turned into the kitchen, Kurt gestured over his shoulder. 

“Recycling,” he said, his voice muffled with the granola bar he held between his teeth.

“What? Oh,” Finn’s voice said, his footsteps quickly disappearing into the garage.

Settling on his bar, mostly because he knew his stomach would make everything look revolting if he didn’t choose something soon, Kurt pulled it from his mouth, turning around and closing the pantry door behind him. Sam was pulled up at the counter, peeling open a banana, while the sounds of a plastic bin being dragged came from behind the door to the garage.

“You gonna be okay today?” Sam asked carefully, his eyes meeting Kurt’s.

Kurt shrugged, grabbing his cup and moving past Sam. “We’ll see.” He picked up his school bag and coat from the kitchen table, pulling it over his shoulder, and turned to head towards the front door. “Tell Finn I’ll drive. I’m going to warm up the car.”

As it had for the last few weeks, the crisp winter air pricked at his cheeks, his nose nearly instantly sore as the chill hit it. Shivering, he pulled his coat to his chest, carefully making his way to his car, avoiding a few small icy patches in the driveway. He quickly unlocked the doors, pulling himself inside and shutting the door behind him, dropping his bag and jacket to the seat behind him and placing his cup in the holder. Turning the ignition, his fingers ached from the cold as he fumbled for the heater, setting it to the highest mode he could.

Kurt rubbed his hands together, blowing air onto them softly. He didn’t necessarily _want_ to drive today, but he knew that if his anxiety got the best of him, it would at least allow him a way to leave. It annoyed him to think that the root of his nerves was a single person, but that feeling was unfortunately familiar by this point in his life. Wincing at the thought, he turned, blindly fumbling for his phone. He turned back, pulling the device with him and clicking the screen to life.

 _Still nothing,_ he thought, loosely biting his lip. He opened his phone anyway, checking his messages inbox in case he’d missed something. Dave’s contact had bumped a few names down, but his last message was still the most recent, left with a checkmark notifying him that the boy had seen it.

Kurt found his stomach twisting, uneasiness washing over him. He wasn’t necessarily wanting to talk to Dave, but the fact that the other was blocking his tether so aggressively had Kurt worried, even with his attempt to reach out on his phone.

The whole situation still had yet to settle on him, which he knew was because part of him didn’t want to let it. He wasn’t ashamed of Dave, but moreso knew that their history made the tether even more complex than he (and, he assumed, also Dave) could ever have imagined. That, paired with the fact how he knew the other boy felt about him, made the situation ten times more awkward, and he wasn’t sure what he would even say to Dave if they were to actually talk. His own heart ached at the memory of that night, and while he’s sure part of it was from the other’s pain, Kurt knew himself enough to know just how heartbroken he himself had felt as the other left him alone-- twice.

Still, something wasn’t sitting right with him, and an odd sense of foreboding hung in the back of his head. Closing his eyes, he tried once more to reach out to his tether, his hands clasped together tightly on his lap.

To his surprise, he felt the connection waver, though not enough to let him in completely. He could sense the other was there, and clearly considering it, which gave Kurt a small ounce of hope that at least the other was open to it. Though, as quickly as it appeared, Kurt was shut out again, his shoulders slumping as the other dropped him. His heart pulled with a small ache, though Kurt knew it was shared.

“Let me know,” Kurt said quietly to no one but himself. Movement in front of the car stirred his thought, and before he knew it the other two boys were pulling themselves in the car, mid-conversation. Kurt tuned them out immediately, instead waiting until he heard the click of their seatbelts before focusing on the drive to school.

Still, the pull from inside lingered, and Kurt shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He had been hoping to be at the best he could be to face the day ahead, but his interaction with Dave just now had only worsened his nerves. He focused on the road ahead, letting the lull of the others’ conversation fill his free headspace. By the time he was pulling into the school parking lot, his body had only tensed further, his knuckles nearly white on his wheel before he realized, forcing them to relax. 

He slowly pulled into a parking space, and the three boys exited, each of them making a small noise as they were forced into the cold once again. Kurt slipped on his coat quickly, pulling it tightly closed before bringing his bag to his shoulder. On either side, Finn and Sam fell silent, and as they moved towards the school it was obvious that the pair were trying to flank him as much as he could. The thought was nice, but it left him feeling claustrophobic. He stayed silent, though, and thankfully Finn cleared his throat, his step-brother sparking up another conversation with Sam. 

As they made their way through the front doors, Kurt’s eyes immediately darted around, quickly scanning the halls. He knew that, despite the fact that Blaine had seemed to have no trouble being a disappearing act most mornings, the school was only so big, and he hadn’t thoroughly prepared himself for what would happen if the two met accidentally in the halls. Glee was one thing-- he knew he could sit as far away as he wanted, and suspected that Blaine would likely do the same. That, and the fact that Sam was apparently now his acting bodyguard, he figured he could tolerate forty minutes out of his day.

Hopefully.

* * *

As Kurt expected, once glee rolled around, there was a cloud of static in the choir room, his friends awkwardly making conversation between themselves as Kurt sat in the back corner, pretending to ignore the fact that he could see each of their stolen glances at him.

His nerves had only followed him through the morning, and every class Kurt had considered bailing, either to seek solace with Miss Pillsbury or completely book it off of the school grounds. He’d never been more thankfully to be a year older than Blaine, and fear he had of being in the same room with the other was limited to his third period. Even still, he’d spent the first few classes of his day with a nervous bounce to his legs, and the threat of his stomach’s worth of coffee ending up down some poor classmate’s back.

His head down, Kurt buried his nose in a notebook, doodling mindlessly on the lined paper as he awaited the start of the period. Beside him, Sam was on his phone, still practically attached to his hip. Mercedes was sitting unusually closer to him than she’d been doing lately, busy reading a textbook in front of Kurt. His body walls could only do so much, though, and the room noticeably stilled as Blaine came through the doorway.

At least, Kurt assumed it was Blaine; he kept his head down the entire time, his ears burning as his blood pulsed.

The footsteps made their way across the room, and Kurt listened as they settled in the opposite corner from him, the hush still hanging in the air.

Fortunately, Mr. Schue exited his office, breaking the silence as he made his way over to the whiteboard.

“You guys sure are zombies today,” he teased. The room collectively winced, and for a few moments, Kurt wondered just how hard of a fall the back windows would have if he happened to climb out of them.

After a few awkward moments, their teacher moved them on into their lesson, most of the class falling into their norm. At his feet, there was a sudden, light pressure on one of his boots. Kurt moved his knees slightly, looking past them to find one of Mercedes' hands giving the toe a small squeeze. A tiny smile tugging at his lips, he moved his other foot to tap the side of her hand lightly. Over her shoulder, she turned to give him a small smile, and that alone was enough to get him through the period.

* * *

At lunch, Kurt had been quickly whisked away by Tina and Mercedes, and the trio shared a peaceful lunch together in an empty classroom. The pair were quick to fill him in on the school’s drama that he’d missed in his absence, which was a welcome distraction.

Even still, Kurt found himself unable to fully commit to what they were saying, his thoughts often wandering back to his anxiety. At that point, he wasn’t quite sure why it had only gotten worse, as his friends had made such effort to make sure he was doing alright throughout the day. He was sure it was simply going to just be a long day, and likely week, but something was telling him that there was something waiting for him around every corner.

By the time his second-to-last class was coming to a close, his nerves had subsided just enough so that he felt as if he could actually focus. He knew that his chances of running into Blaine had gotten significantly slimmer as each passing period had come and gone, and now with only a few minutes left of this class, it meant that his first full day of avoidance-- moving on? acceptance?-- was nearly through. He knew that tomorrow was another day, but the uneasiness from before had all but left completely, leaving him with a bit of optimism.

 _It will only get better from here,_ he told himself, desperately hoping it would be true.

As the bell rang and the teacher dismissed the class, Kurt found himself stepping a little lighter as he made his way out of the room and into the hall. He knew that his last class was across the school from Blaine’s, meaning that his path through the halls would not have to be quite so high alert. Even so, as crowded as it had felt initially, he was missing the accompaniment he’d had earlier in the day.

Stopping by his locker to swap out his textbooks, he wondered if his lift in mood had any indication as to how Dave was doing. He knew the other had been blocking him out, but the wavering from earlier in the morning had him wondering if the other’s head was a bit clearer as well-- even if he was still processing everything.

Kurt picked up his math book as he reached out in his thoughts, guiding them to the back of his mind. Carefully, he felt as his connection touched, and there was no warning as suddenly, that wall Dave had up came crashing down.

Kurt’s textbook hit the ground with a slam, echoing through even the busy hallway. Students nearby jumped at the sudden noise, all heads turning to find the source of the sound.

Standing at his locker, Kurt’s face was immediately wet, hot tears streaming down his face as a sob was torn from him. He crumbled forward, barely stopping himself from falling headfirst into the side of the locker before his knees gave out completely. Curling to the ground, Kurt’s entire body filled with panic and grief as he stared, confused and broken all at once. He could no longer see the others around him as his eyes clouded with tears, and no one moved, stunned by the sudden outburst.

Kurt’s head raced with thoughts of fear, his hands gripped tight at his sweater as he continued to cry, nearly unable to catch his breath. He could hear his own thoughts trying to fight whatever it was that had suddenly hit him, but they constantly lost, leaving Kurt to incoherently sob to himself on the cold linoleum.

There was a clattering of steps as someone moved towards him, racing to kneel beside him. A small hand landed on his shoulder, and he forced his head up to look, but could not make out the other in his vision. 

“Kurt?!” Rachel’s voice said, loud and concerned. His head pounded over it, his cries louder still as his friend desperately tried to meet his eyes. Kurt’s head dropped again, and the confusion from before only heightened his panic.

 _What’s happening?_ his thought crossed as he tried to pull his mind back. The tether kept pulling at him, an open door as wave after wave of emotion flowed into him.

 **_What’s happening?_ **he thought again, this time feeling as the one on the other end attached onto him. His hand clutched at his top, knuckles white as the fabric strained at the grasp.

 **_Kurt,_ **Dave tried, but Kurt was instantly wracked with another sob, drawing him from that space.

“Kurt, what’s wrong?” Rachel pleaded, leaning closer in. Around them, the crowd of students stared, just as bewildered as his friend. Rachel looked up as another set of footsteps approached, rushing over from behind Kurt.

“Fuck off!” Santana’s voice called, yelling to the crowd that had gathered. “Leave!” She skidded to a stop next to Rachel, falling to her knees beside the girl. “Go get Finn,” she directed, and Rachel nodded, hesitating before sprinting away.

Kurt looked up again, forcing his eyes open. He couldn’t stop crying, and felt his lungs burn as he began to hyperventilate. Santana’s hand replaced Rachel’s, her other one reaching for Kurt’s hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

Through his watery eyes, Kurt met her face, and as it came into focus, a new rush of feelings hit him. He let go of his shirt, instead reaching out to her, desperately grasping at her jacket.

“Tana,” Kurt gasped, another sob shaking through him.

Santana sat back slightly, confused as Kurt fumbled, trying to scramble back closer to her. 

“What did you c-”

“Kurt!”

Kurt looked up at the call, his hand stilling from trying to pull Santana closer to him. Finn’s voice stopped the wave, only for a moment, but enough for him to reach out to his step-brother with his free hand as the quarterback rushed over to him. He reached out to Kurt, and Kurt reached right back, his hand gripping at the sleeve of Finn’s hoodie.

“They know,” escaped Kurt’s lips, though the words felt foreign, having not even passed through his own consciousness. His fear continued to overwhelm him as his thoughts became more and more jumbled. More dark. More familiar.

“Kurt.” His own name was desperate on his tongue.

Finn looked just as shocked as Santana, even through his tears. Kurt tried to pull his attention to Finn, but the hand on Santana pulled her close, and she gave in, letting Kurt crumple into her. Just behind them, Rachel was catching back up to them, ignoring a concerned staff member to make her way back to the trio. Her eyes were wide as Kurt’s cries echoed through the emptying halls.

“Finn, it’s-” Santana started, her hand gripped at the back of Kurt’s coat collar as he continued to cling to her.

“I know,” Finn said.

“You knew?”

Finn shuffled on his knees, attempting to pull Kurt in his arms. As much as Kurt wanted to let go, and let his step-brother hold him, he couldn’t. He needed Santana. 

He needed someone. 

He had no one.

Kurt’s vision faded again as his tears welled back up. Santana was trying her best to hold him but his desperate grasp kept pulling her down, and he could barely make out her quiet cursing. The connection in the back of his mind wavered again, but something told Kurt to not let it go, and instead he took what he had of his will and jammed it open, even when doing so caused him to crumple more.

“Kurt?” his name attempted to pull at him again, the hand he had on the boy tugging slightly. “Is it Dave?”

Kurt couldn’t respond, the name all but tearing his heart in half, but it wasn’t his pain.

“Dave?” Rachel said, her voice high with the question. She looked between Finn and Santana, the latter having pulled out her phone.

“Finn,” she said, showing him whatever was on her screen.

“Don’t look,” Kurt pleaded, his voice broken. “Please!”

Finn glanced over at her phone despite Kurt’s protesting. Rachel leaned over his shoulder, and Kurt could make out her small gasp.

“Please,” Kurt whimpered.

Finn pulled an arm between Kurt and Santana, breaking their grip. Kurt cried out at the loss, but as Finn moved between them, he lifted his head, meeting the boy’s eyes. Just past them, Santana was standing up as Rachel looked on in shock. Kurt drew his gaze back, his body shaking as he continued to cry, but reached out to Finn, both hands clutching to the other’s shirt. His thoughts still continued to race, and any words he tried to make faded before leaving his mouth, but the other’s brown eyes kept him afloat. 

“Kurt, we’re gonna go,” Finn said, and for a moment Kurt’s panic returned. 

**_Don’t go!_ **they thought. 

However, as Finn moved to stand, he hoisted Kurt up with him. Kurt’s legs were loose, and he couldn’t find his footing. Finn quickly realized this, though, and continued to help Kurt up, awkwardly pulling him into his arms. Kurt could feel the other strain slightly, his body being adjusted as Finn pulled a knee up to balance him. Rachel moved around them, quickly picking up Kurt’s book and shoving it into his locker, the slam of the door ringing in Kurt’s ears as Finn carried him through the halls with a quick step.

“Where are you all going?” the staff member lingering in the hall asked sternly as they passed.

“Can it, lady,” Santana said, falling into a jog next to Finn.

“Where _are_ we going?” Rachel asked, trying to catch up with them from behind.

“Dave’s,” Santana said, pulling her phone to her ear.

Kurt bounced lightly in Finn’s arms, uncaring as his tears stained the other’s jacket. Both hands were still clutching at the ratty hoodie as he was fighting for control of his thoughts. He barely registered that they were outside until suddenly, a cold breeze was replaced with the chilled leather of his car’s backseat. 

“He’s not answering,” Santana’s voice said from the driver’s seat. Finn was helping guide Kurt up, scooting in beside him. Rachel, in the passenger’s seat, had picked up Kurt’s bag from where it had slipped from him in the hall, and quickly handed her his keys.

“Why now?” Kurt said, his eyes burning as a new round of tears began to well. From beside him, Finn across him, pulling his seatbelt on quickly before lacing an arm around his shoulders. Kurt practically melted into the gesture, his head falling against Finn’s chest. Kurt’s fingers tangled in his hair, tugged at his mussed bangs as his palms pressed into his eyes.

Santana threw the car into drive, whipping it out into the parking lot. All four of them shifted in their seats, the movement jarring Kurt momentarily from his pain. He looked up, watching as Santana pulled them out of the lot and onto the street.

As he struggled to catch his breath, the tug on his tether loosened slightly, causing Kurt’s fear to bubble once more.

 **_Kurt?_ **Dave asked. His voice was broken, coming out as more of a gasp than a clear name.

Kurt could feel his grip on his conscience wavering again as Dave’s desperation returned. He was terrified, and helpless. Something within Kurt stirred, and now, his own tears meshed with Dave’s.

He knew this feeling. He hadn’t felt it in years now, even with how small he’d felt the year prior. Even with what he’d been through with Blaine just recently. It was ingrained in him, something he knew he was still fighting, because it was always lurking no matter where Kurt was in life. No matter how dormant or far gone it was, this feeling lingered, even if the threat was no longer.

 **_“David”,_ **Kurt said aloud. Rachel’s head turned to look at him from behind the seat, and Santana’s gaze met his in the rearview mirror, just for a moment. But it was enough, and Kurt was broken again, his body shaking as he let himself sob again.

“Are you sure he’s home?” Finn asked, his voice reverbing in his chest. Kurt turned slightly, his hands twisting as they grabbed at the bottom of the boy’s hoodie.

“Yes,” Kurt answered for her, choked. The car came to a stop at a light, and despite never having driven to the other’s house before, he knew that they were only a few streets away now. A thought flashed in his mind almost as a warning.

“My mom,” Kurt added, his eyes clamping shut. Finn stiffened below him.

Santana slammed the horn at the car in front of her. “Fuck! Move!” she yelled, hitting the top of the steering wheel. Kurt turned his head in, pressing his face against Finn’s chest.

“Kurt, wh-” Rachel started, but Santana quickly cut her off. 

“Not his, Dave’s,” she said, her voice quipped. The car in front of them pulled out, allowing Santana to pull the car into the neighborhood, the tires screeching for a moment as she pulled at the wheel. “She’s a psycho Jesus bitch.”

Kurt tried to wrack his own brain for a moment, pushing against the onslaught of Dave’s pain to search his memory. Admittedly, he didn’t know much about Dave’s home life-- in fact, he can’t ever recall Dave ever mentioning his mother, which Kurt supposes didn’t feel odd given that he rarely talks of his own. 

**_Is she home?_ **Kurt asked, his hands shaking from where they gripped at Finn’s jacket.

 **_I don’t know,_ **came Dave’s voice.

“Sh-she might be home,” Kurt offered, turning his head out enough to be sure his voice was not muffled. “He doesn’t know.”

“You think she’d do something?” Finn asked, his voice small. Kurt looked over his shoulder, feeling as Dave’s terror continued to boil. He wanted to comfort him, offer him some form of reassurance, but every bone in his body ached with such pain that it was clouding his own consciousness, bringing him back to that familiar place. Rachel was turned to look at him, and through his clouded eyes he could see her brows drawn up in worry.

“I don’t know,” Santana said, her tone sharp. “Something tells me she’d probably call the cops on us, though. Especially if I was there.”

Finn’s hand rubbed small circles into Kurt’s back, helping pull his thoughts back. Kurt didn’t know what he’d do if he wasn’t here with him, and fought as the fear of that reality blended with everything Dave was feeling.

“Does she not like you?” Rachel asked, her head turning to look at Santana.

“No.”

The car fell silent as Santana continued to drive, the car revving after every stop sign. As they turned left onto a street, Kurt’s instinct told him that they were nearly to the house, his fist clenching tighter still. His mind continued to exist as a jumbled mess, his desperate attempts to reach out to Dave thwarted as the other continued to spiral, even knowing that the group was on their way over. Kurt felt helpless.

“Is he okay?” Finn whispered, ducking his head down to meet Kurt’s.

Kurt remained still, unsure of how to answer. His breathing was shaky, tears still building and falling as he was forced to breathe through his mouth, his nose wet. 

From the front seat, Santana let out a sigh of relief, and the car slowly turned into what Kurt felt was Dave’s driveway. “We’re good.”

The car was still rolling to a stop as Kurt scrambled, fumbling to get his seatbelt off before reaching for his side door. Finn made an attempt to catch him, his hand reaching out for his arm, but Kurt slipped out as the other boy stalled in his seat, still constrained by his own belt.

Even overwhelmed with Dave’s emotions, Kurt could feel nothing from his own self but pure understanding. As his feet hit the pavement, they instantly took him up the paved driveway, nearly tripping over each other as his body told him exactly where he needed to be. A wash of guilt swept through him, who’s he was not sure. As he ran towards the door, the shuffle of the others leaving the car echoed in the quiet afternoon stillness, but Kurt’s attention remained pointed.

He knew this feeling. The hopelessness, the irrationality. Even at his worst lately, nothing compared to this feeling, and unfortunately it was it’s familiarity that drove Kurt further into anguish, his mind still swirling with Dave’s as he realized, even more in these moments, just how similar they were. He’d barely scratched the surface, and Dave was choosing to reveal the whole iceberg.

Kurt pushed open the front door with a sob, nearly tripping over the entryway as his feet skidded on the doormat. There was an exclamation in another room, but he ignored it. He wanted his room. He wanted security.

The other three quickly piled in after him, and Kurt recognized a familiar voice as it appeared behind him, asking for clarity. Part of him wanted to turn back, run to that voice, but a sense of shame tugged harder, and Kurt felt his heart break as he identified the reason. Behind him, the other three were trying to make it past Mr. Karofsky, who had unintentionally placed himself between them and Kurt. His body knowing where to go, Kurt continued to push further into the house, practically crawling up the stairs as he sprinted, catching himself on every other step. At the top of the landing, a pull told him to keep going, so he turned to follow it, heading up another flight of stairs.

As he neared the top, his muscles burned in protest as he pulled himself up by the railing. He felt like he’d been running for days, his entire body weak and crumbling from the emotional damage he’s endured in just the last twenty minutes. He was practically clawing his way up the last few steps, and as his head whipped down the hallway, a sense of urgency carried him the rest of the way, and he came through Dave’s door with a crash, the door itself slamming open, knocking a nearby frame off the wall.

On his bed, Dave sat on the edge, his head buried in his hands. He was dressed in a neat three piece suit, seams perfectly pressed and shoes carefully tied. At the noise, Dave looked up, his face both surprised and knowing.

As their eyes met, Kurt watched as Dave’s already reddened, swollen face crumpled, fresh tears immediately falling down his cheeks.

“I-I’m sorry,” Dave choked, his voice strained and wet. “I’m so sorry.”

Kurt let out a cry, his knees giving out as he moved to step towards Dave, feeling as all of Dave’s thoughts were swept away, leaving him with nothing but his own anguish. Dave slipped from where he was sitting, his knees hitting the floor as the pair scrambled messily towards each other. Kurt hit Dave’s body with his full weight, the impact nearly toppling the taller boy over as Kurt wrapped his arms around him. Dave’s own arms quickly returned the motion, his hands clutching at the back of Kurt’s coat as if he would disappear at any moment.

“I’m so sorry,” Dave repeated, his body shaking as his sobs started once more. Kurt’s face was pressed into his shoulder, his jaw clenched as he let his own tears begin again, his head clearing to nothing but the moment. Behind them, all four from downstairs stopped in the doorway, frozen at the sight in front of them. None of them dared to move. Instead, the room was filled with nothing but Dave’s sobs as the pair clutched at each other.

“I’m sorry,” Dave cried. “I’m so sorry.”


End file.
